Over the course of the past week, I’ve read several blog posts and articles surrounding how women can’t have it all. The influx of opinion pieces stemmed from Pepsi CEO’s interview where she said that women can’t have it all.
“I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all.”
~ PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi
I think this statement rings true for many women, including myself. While men could argue the same thing about “having it all” in life, here I’m focusing on just women and mothers. After all, women’s roles have changed dramatically over the past century and women are still fighting for equality in parts of the world…. which is why this yet again, a hot topic.
Can women have it all? Can women have it all just not at the same time? Or maybe we’re just fooling ourselves and women can’t have it all?
First of all, I think we need to stop saying that women can or can’t have it all. It’s just not a question that everyone will answer the same way.
It’s not easy to “have it all”. But it IS possible to have a balance of everything you desire in life, if your circumstances allow, taking into consideration various factors such as finances, family support system, where you live, etc.
With anything in life, when you’re focused on one thing, something else will take a backseat. Something will inevitably suffer in the process. Sacrifices will have to be made.
It’s a challenge to give 100% effort and attention to every single responsibility and task every single day. Day in, day out… 100%. If you’re able to do it successfully, kudos to you! But you can’t tell me that there are days and times that your effort wavers… after all, we are human.
There will be some stress involved in trying to make that balance happen, and not all days will be as successful and productive. Finding a balance can vary day to day, with family tipping the scale one day and work tipping over the next day.
I feel it’s a huge challenge to excel at parenting and motherhood and excel in a career… a “regular” career. But when you’re a CEO of a major corporation? I’m positive that Indra Nooyi and her kids have paid a price for her success. While they can celebrate her accomplishments and there is much to admire and benefit from her achievements, there is a down side, which Ms. Nooyi has admitted.
How can one be completely present as a parent when you are running a huge corporation? When you do try to have it all, something will suffer.
With Indra Nooyi, it’s clear that her family is a huge support system as well as people working for her to keep everything in order. We should celebrate the fact that she’s a successful woman.
Yet will her children agree? Will they wish she spent more time at home? Very likely. I can imagine how many important events Nooyi – and many other moms – have missed due to work obligations. It sucks. Yes it’s nice that grandma saw your child’s first steps but that should’ve been you, dammit.
A mother’s guilt is probably one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching emotions to face. I struggle daily with the desire to be a successful career woman, and the innate pull of being a nurturer and care giver. A women’s natural instinct to care for her children clashes with her desire to have the career, making the gender roles blurry. While some argue that women and men are born gender equal, a mother’s impulse to love and protect her child is hard-wired into her brain.
Whether Nooyi’s interview was well-crafted and for good publicity, it is refreshing to know that even successful women can admit that it’s difficult for women to have it all… at the same time anyway. But we need to be asking real working women what they think – not a celebrity or a CEO. Ask a regular mom who works and takes care of her family, who doesn’t have a huge support system in place and who doesn’t have the money to pay for help. How much more of a challenge is it when you don’t have a village raising your children and a huge nest egg!
What is “having it all” anyway?
For one woman success is measured by her family and children while for another woman, it means having a career. We need to celebrate women’s choices and embrace a variety of definitions of success.
There is no right way.
“We’ve shown that there is no one way to do it. You can be a mother and still rise to the top of your industry, and you can take time out to focus on family and still migrate back into rewarding, paid work,” says Lisen Stromberg of the NY Times in her article, “The Not-So-New Mother, Finding Balance.”
Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and crusader of women’s empowerment at the workplace thanks to her bestselling book on gender equality, Lean In.
“For those who even have a choice, choosing to leave a child in someone else’s care and return to work is a hard decision. Anyone who has made this decision—myself included—knows how heartwrenching this can be. Only a compelling, challenging and rewarding job will begin to make that choice a fair contest.”
For some women, being productive in the office makes her a better mother at home. For others, they can’t be pulled away from their children and are miserable at work. Whatever fulfills you – whether it’s a goal achieved at work, or a goal achieved being home with the kids – is what women should follow.
Listen to your instincts and do what feels right for you.
