I wrote this post back in December 2007 when the Boss was 3 and the Destroyer was almost 1.

‘Tis the Season to be Jolly… and Stressed!

Christmas is just around the corner. If you have kids, you know how difficult it is to shop with them. I took mine to the mall the other day hoping to buy just a few gifts on my list. What an event…. er, disaster!

When I go shopping, I must have everything organized with lists and a mental map of how I’m going to move through the mall quickly and in the most efficient way. In and out. No browsing. I can’t steer off my plan or else there will be trouble.

The first ten minutes were a breeze; I put both boys in my double stroller – the Boss in the front and the baby in the back. I managed to get to the first store and buy one item off my list… and then the sh*t hit the fan.

We’re in Old Navy when The Boss starts hanging his body halfway out of the stroller and grabbing and pulling clothes off the hangers. Grrrrr. I push the massive, difficult-to-manoeuver stroller out to the middle of the aisle where he can’t touch anything within his reach so I can clean up the mess.

As I put the entire rack of clothes back, he manages to grab the butt of some lady walking by. “Sorry!” I blurt. My cheeks are starting to redden out of embarrassment.

Soon enough, my little one starts to fuss. “Nnnnnnnnn”, he whines. He tightens his little body, legs straight out as stiff as a board.

I hand him a toy but he drops it. I give it back to him, he tosses it onto the floor. At the same time, the Boss attempts to climb out of the stroller. “No, sit down please, Mommy is almost finished.”

“No I want to come out NOW!” the Boss demands.

I quickly make my way over to the check-out line. People are giving me the looks… you know, those dirty looks like “lady, get a grip of your kids”. But I ignore them, thinking that they either don’t have kids or they don’t remember what having young kids was like.

One woman looks at me with empathy and says, “I know what it’s like, I have two kids at home.” I smile and say “Yes it’s fun isn’t it”. Thinking to myself, you’ve got it right – you left them at home!

I hand over my car keys to the Boss and my house keys to the baby. They quiet down. For the moment.

I’m able to check out of the store. We’re now in the mall. The thrill of playing with the keys quickly fades when the baby throws them. The keys slide across the ground stopping right at the edge of the balcony. Phew! Close one.

Now I’m nervous about the Boss holding my car keys. “Are you holding onto the keys tight?” “Yes Mommy”.

The baby starts to cry. I have to take him out of the stroller but I still need to go to one more store. Can I do it? I’ll be quick, I think to myself.

Should have slapped myself in the forehead.

I haul the baby out of the stroller and carry him with one arm while I push the heavy stroller with the other. I am now sweating buckets and some bad B.O. is beginning to emanate from my armpits. My hair is coming loose from my hairclip and getting into my face and I’m spitting it out of my mouth. I catch a glimpse of myself in the glass window of a store and let out a big sigh.

As we’re making it through the mall, a pair of boots catch my eye but there is no way in hell I could even attempt to walk in to take a look. The aisles of the store are just way too narrow to fit the stroller through! Arrgh!!!

The Boss wants to come out of the stroller too. I bribe him with the keys, “If you don’t stay in your seat, Mommy will take the keys away.” This works for about two minutes.

“I want to come out now!” I help him out of his seat and take the keys back. “You have to hold the stroller. If you don’t, you have to sit back down.”

My arm is just about to fall off by the time we reach the toy store. The Boss is excited and runs to the book section. I finally put the baby down and they both play with the train set.

Ahh, a moment of silence.

Until the Boss decides to knock his baby brother over. He starts to wail. I scold the Boss and threaten to leave the store. The baby won’t calm down now at this point. He’s had enough. It’s time to go.

Now try getting the Boss out of the store.

Do I pop my boob out and give the baby some milk to calm down? I try dangling the keys. Nothing. One of his toys, a book, a new toy. Nada.

Luckily the toy I came to purchase was right within my reach.

“Time to go”, I tell the Boss sternly. “No, Mommy, I want to stay here.”

“It’s time to go now, the baby is crying.” I offer the Boss some Teddy cookies if he sits down.

I take him by the hand and head over to the check-out. The shopping part is challenging enough, now you have to wait in massive lines with screaming kids!

“Dora is on TV soon, let’s go.”

The Boss starts screaming, “Nooooo!”

“In the stroller, please!”

I feel like all eyes are on me and my boys. I’m so used to it that it really doesn’t bother me anymore.

“They really need to have more cashiers!” I say loudly.

A woman in line looks at me with a big grin, “Go ahead.” My eyes light up. “Really? Thank you so much!” Such a small gesture reminds me that there are still nice people out there, willing to lend a hand.

So on this shopping trip, I only manage to cross two items off my list. Better than nothing.

Next time, I’ll get a babysitter.

Finally we make it to the car and the kids are settled down. As I strap the Boss into his car seat, he looks up at me with those big brown eyes and says, “Merry Ch-w-istmas Mommy.”

My heart melts, and all the stress in the world goes away.

“Merry Christmas sweetheart.”