by Christine LaRocque
As a mother, have you every itemized the things you do in any given day to come up with an accounting of how you spend your days? Do you carefully consider how much time, if any, you spend enjoying personal interests?
Brigid Schulte did, and she wrote about it for the Washington Post.
In the feature piece she quotes John Robinson, a 74-year-old sociologist at the University of Maryland who says:
“Women have time. Women have at least 30 hours of leisure every week. In fact, women have more leisure now than they did in the 1960s, even though more women are working outside the home.”
After reading Schulte’s account and reflecting on the arguments presented I have to admit I am one of the lucky few who can boast the enjoyment of a significant amount of leisure time. Though let me be clear, I wouldn’t go so far as to agree that I enjoy 30 hours of leisure time (that is slightly ridiculous).
In fact, if you read the article you’ll see that Robinson’s assertion of 30 hours is in fact, more a question of how one defines leisure time.
Finding enough time to all that needs to be done in any given day can be an ongoing battle. On the surface I would say this is true for me, just as it is for any mother. My weekdays start with the alarm at 5:15 and not stopping until I fall into bed sometime between 9:00 and 10:00 p.m. every night. The haze of my routine includes getting two little boys out the door and to daycare in time for a one-hour commute, 8 hours at the office, another hour commute home, dinner, clean-up, a small chunk of time for play and to reconnect with my kids, bedtime battles, and then an hour of protected time all for myself.
Every day, Monday to Friday, get up, repeat. Admittedly it sometimes feels like my life has become some twisted real life version of the movie Groundhog Day.
What we might not always realize as we go through the motions is that while every day may be filled with endless lists of obligations and tasks they are also filled with choices of which we actually do. Do we clean, play, bake, cook, pay bills, or organize play dates? Do we pick up groceries, go to the library, see a movie, or order in dinner? Do we tackle that closet that’s about to erupt it’s so full or fold the mountain of laundry that is gathering in the corner? Do we read a book, surf the net, or watch a television show? The list of choices is endless. The question then, is not whether we have choices, but what we do with those we have.
I make the choice to do things for myself, because by caring for myself I am a healthier, more energized mom. For example, once the kids are settled into bed, I make a choice to protect the time that is left before I retire for the night myself to do things that help me refuel: writing, reading, meditating.
I’m lucky, I have a husband who is hugely supportive and recognizes that this time makes it easier for me to manage our family’s ongoing daily pressures. He’s a hands-on parent, comfortable on his own and very involved with our boys. Knowing this empowers me to be free to make choices for me.
Nevertheless, it’s still about balance, making the choices that feel right at the time and being willing to give up the things that maybe matter less. Sacrifices are made. Sometimes I have to choose to scale back. I’ll stay home in the evenings after work and leave outings for the weekends when the time away won’t be quite so striking for my children. Just as I protect time for myself, so I do the same for my family. I can’t always put off the cleaning or the laundry, there are days when they are the choices I have to make.
Christine LaRocque is a full-time communications professional, wife, and mother to two under five. While trying to manage a hectic lifestyle filled with long commutes and two unruly boys, she discovered that sometimes when you are trying to do everything, you are really doing nothing at all. She writes about managing life as a full-time working mother at Coffees & Commutes.