by Danielle Christopher
I settle my two and four-year-old hungry daughters at the last available Starbucks table. I dish out the treats and pull out their waters from my bag. I sit myself in between them and exhale out loud. It might be more relaxing to be at home playing foxy bingo, but it is always nice to get out with the children as well. Sipping my coffee, I spy a very pregnant lady sitting at the table beside us looking at my girls.
I remember all too well that feeling of wanting to have the baby out. It’s the comments that came from random strangers that hurt the worst.
Some of what I was told was:
You are so huge!
Better get your sleep now.
It’s just a myth you eat for two.
Is what you are eating good for the baby?
Both third trimesters were spent in extreme hot summers, everywhere I went: It must suck in this heat for you. (DUH!)
When all the while I ultimately wished I had said: “Don’t touch my belly unless I can touch yours!”
Since being a mom twice over, I feel a kinship to seeing expectant moms. My oldest knows to go open a door of a struggling mom. Nowadays, when I see a pregnant mom I say things that I wished I heard more of, like:
You look beautiful.
You are glowing.
You don’t look pregnant.
Your baby is lucky to have you as a mom
My girls finish their snacks and declare its play time. I pack us up and see the lady looking sad as she rubs her belly.
I catch her eye and smile, “ Congratulations. You look amazing.” She beams a wary smile. “Really?” she asks hopefully. I nod emphatically.
Smile and pass it on is how we can support moms at all stages of parenthood.
Had I known that the baby stage would pass so quickly I would have hung onto it tighter. Having said that my youngest gives my legs a bear hug. I love this present.
What are some positive and negative comments you received while pregnant?
Danielle Christopher is a stay-at-home mom of two daughters, ages one and three. She blogs for The Momoir Project and writes book reviews for Women’s Post. Her teen story is in the collection “Parent/Teen Stories: Without Judgement”. She lives with her husband of seventeen years and her girls in Langley, B.C.. Follow her on Twitter.
6 Comments
I am currently at 35 1/2 weeks and have literally heard it all. I tend to have larger babies (DS1 was 9 lbs, 13oz and they’re telling me this one will be the same), so naturally my belly is enormous. Fair pool, but I don’t need to be reminded of that everywhere I go. My personal favourites (and I say that sarcastically):
Are you SURE it’s not twins?
You must be due any day now! (been hearing this one since I was at 5 months)
You look like you’re ready to pop!
I realize that people can’t help it sometimes,but really wish they would catch themselves before blurting things like this out. Really? Is it necessary? Think about what you’re saying beforehand and consider whether or not it’s going to be a comment that leaves the person feeling good about herself, rather than an enormous blob. It’s hard enough keeping your self confidence up while heavily pregnant, you sure don’t need to be reminded of how huge your are!!!
The best (worst) one was “If you are a vegetarian you will only have girls so start eating meat so you can have a boy.” I was already pregnant. This was from an educated person. Really! Made my husband and I howl with laughter afterwards!
My faves were both at the very end of my first pregnancy – I was past my due date and still working. The constant “You’re still here?” was ever so helpful.
Also, being told every near-death birth story folks had ever heard right before I was going to be in labor for the first time was something I could have skipped.
I got a pat on the belly and…’Hope it pees standing up’. Then she walked away!! That’s it, start to finish. Odd
I had twins just over 4 years ago…full term twins. I was huge! I hated when people would tell me how big i was. I knew how big i was. I was reminded every 2 weeks that i had to see my O.B and they would weigh me!
The worst though came from a friend. She came to visit after I delivered the twins. After a full day of labour, natural delivery of both and no sleep, she tells me ” your face is really big. you still look really puffy.” lol
I got the “Oh my God you’re huuuuuuge”. Gee thanks! Way to make an emotional basketcase of a pregnant woman weep… I always said, “just you wait until you get preggers”…