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The Revenge of the "In-Betweens"

Guest Blogger ~ Tammy Estabrooks

When I first got married, I remember how quickly and easily things fell into place. Content in our little, love-nest bubble, young and hopelessly in love, the future of our wonderful lives together stretched before us.

I had a queen-sized bed that I purchased from my first real job that didn’t require a plastic name tag. He had a futon that became our living room couch. I had a white tiled kitchen table with matching white wicker chairs. He had a black entertainment centre complete with five coordinating black remote controls and enough DVDs and CDs to stock an HMV.

Aside from the feng shui nightmare of our bedroom where unbeknownst to us, our bed was inadvertently pointing towards evil, we were for all intents and purposes the perfect yin and yang. We didn’t need to discuss who would do what chores, we just fell into our roles naturally, without debate. He cooked and I was his sous chef. He took out the garbage, I vacuumed.

Even when the endless loads of what my good friend likes to call “Mount Washmore” rose up against us in anger, we were undaunted. We were a team after all. For richer or poorer, better or worse, delicates or darks – he washed the laundry, and I folded and put it away.

Ah such marital bliss. But then things slowly began to unravel, one sad and mangled orphaned sports sock at a time. The truth came out. He turned into the dreaded “Mr. In-between”.

I know you are scratching your head in dismay. So was I, but it wasn’t until I discovered that this condition actually had a name could I finally take a deep breath and start the 12-step program. It’s so liberating when you can attach a label to a psychosis because then and only then can the healing process truly begin.

The “in betweens”, apparently as my girlfriends earnestly informed me, are the laundry limbo where clothes reside in a purgatory that is neither clean nor dirty. The “in betweens” had become an unwelcome tenant in our happy home and to my chagrin, my husband was their landlord. On the surface it doesn’t seem like something to get your knickers in a knot about, but if this transitory residence happens to be the bedroom, bathroom, living room floor, the gloves come off (mine, mind you are neatly folded and packed away), and it’s every tighty-whitey for himself.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no neat freak by any means. I do however have a short fuse when my husband finds forgets to pick up said “in betweens” so that they then begin to fester behind the couch. At this point in time, they have now reached the point of no return once the rancid stench of gym gear sprint out the door.

Now ladies, nobody likes a nag. I’m a simple girl. I don’t need ornate jewelry or elaborate grandiose gestures of fancy. When we built our home, the one and only request I had was not a granite counter top or a marble tile entry (ok, that’s not entirely true, I was pretty insistent on stainless steel appliances…but I digress), but a good old fashioned laundry shoot, like the one I grew up with in the Maritimes. This was basically, a hole in the floor with a lid, nothing too crazy. Little did I know that such a seemingly simple request would turn into an iron-clad, fireproofing disaster for the builder- but my incredibly accommodating husband made it happen and for that I am very thankful.

I just don’t understand why the “in betweens” keep piling up at the foot of the laundry shoot that he so ardently petitioned for? Doesn’t he realize that it takes the same amount of energy to drop his clothes down the shoot as it does on the floor?

Peacekeeping efforts aside, I’ve been forced to use various war tactics:
#1. Ignoring the pile- this only makes it apparently grow larger.
#2. Dropping whatever I find on the floor on his head while he sleeps. This approach doesn’t seem to even ruffle his feathers as he slumbers so soundly. A burning house couldn’t even rouse this sleep beauty.

So what’s a girl to do? The obvious would be to simply ask him to pick his things up, sometimes her does, other times it results in his Y chromosome takeover- “whY me?”, ‘whY should I?”, “whY bother?”.

I am at a stalemate with my mate’s stale unmentionables. I remember watching a twisted daytime talk show about a lady who nagged her husband for the same domestic crimes after seeing a bread crumb trail of his clothes from the front door to the bedroom. The lady was advised to let sleeping dogs and wrinkled shirts lie where they may, be thankful that she had a husband to begin with and to see his little piles of clothing as endearing reminders of his love for her… Hmmm…no thanks, I don’t buy it, not unless he takes the time to spell out: “You are the love of my life” with his preshrunk chinos and golf shirts, at least.

When I recounted this tale to my hubby, sensing the distress in my voice, he vowed to do better. I have to commend him because for the most part he has cleaned up his act, literally. Only occasionally do I find a rogue T-shirt balled up beside the computer.

As for the renegade orphaned sock dangling homelessly across the banister, well at least it is no longer alone, but gently tied in a knot with it’s mate as a neat little pair nestled together at the foot of our bed, forever linked in a loving embrace… alas… much like the two of us.

Tammy Estabrooks is a speech language pathologist in private clinical practice with children. She is an advocate for children with communication disorders and loves sharing her enthusiasm with the community through workshops and presentations. A former Mrs. Canada 2005, Tammy is the mother of two girls.

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Motherhood

Why Do Boys Fight So Much?

Lllllllet’s Get Ready to Rumbleeeeeeee!

Announcer:

In this corner wearing black cotton briefs, weighing in at 41 pounds, Anthony the Boss!!!! [The crowd roars]

And in this corner, wearing white pull-ups, weighing in at 29.6 pounds, Daniel the Destroyer!!!! [The crowd cheers]

The Boss pummels Daniel right in the stomach. The Destroyer takes the blow but quickly pulls on the Boss’ thick mane of hair. The Boss quickly knocks him down the floor – can he hold the Destroyer down???

1 – 2 – 3 ! No the Destroyer is back! This time attempting to bite the Boss on the leg. He may be disqualified!

Who will win the championship title of Extra Light Mini Featherweight???

It’s another day of a never-ending battle zone. I may as well slap on some war paint and camouflage clothes.

My boys fight too much.

I took the Destroyer to his 2-year check-up… can you believe the nurse came in just to say “Congratulations! Your son is the most energetic kid we’ve ever had here!”

We’re talking about a CHILDREN’S CLINIC – where there are seven pediatricians and hundreds of kids going through there a week. MY KID was the liveliest. I told her, “You haven’t seen anything yet – I’ve got another one at home!”

What do my boys fight about? Mostly toys – whatever one of them is playing with, the other one has to have. It never fails, the Boss can pick up a piece of lint off the floor and the Destroyer has to have it.

In order to please them and make them “happy”, we’ve bought them a few duplicates. But I have refused to buy two of everything. They have to learn to take turns and share, right? Then there are those moments I had only wished I caved in and bought a second toy so that I would have avoided the big headache.

When one has a toy the other one wants, it’s like the devil has entered their body and possessed them. Their eyes roll back, their faces get all contorted, they yell out these moans and groans that I didn’t know was even possible to come out of their tiny little bodies!

The only thing I find that works in sharing a toy is setting the timer on the stove to give both of them a turn.

They say a parent should try to let their kids settle things for themselves… yeah right! How can I not intervene?

If I allowed them to work things out, we’d have bruises and black eyes. We’d be taking daily trips to the hospital for stitches.

Same thing with the suggestion to “ignore” their fighting. I really don’t know how I can turn a blind eye. I would be able to if they were fighting with words, but a kick or a push is one of the first things my boys do to settle the score. In my house it’s back to the basics of mankind – grunting and punching does the trick.

Another year or so and I think they’ll both be a bit better with this??? I hope??? In the meantime, maybe it’s a good idea to invest in full body armour – football or hockey gear?

I’m sure they’ll both fight over that too.

why do boys fight so much



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Motherhood

Be My Own Valentine

pink heartsToday is Valentine’s Day… yippee. I sound very enthusiastic… but to honest, it’s friggin over-rated. There is no point in going out for dinner tonight because service will be lousy. What’s the alternative?

Does your idea of a romantic evening involve a roomful of toys and screaming kids? Absolutely not. Likely it involves only you, your husband and a bottle of wine, right? If you were smart, you probably booked the sitter months in advance.

So what’s on the agenda for tonight? After watching the gorgeous Giada De Laurentiis on the Food Network, not only do you want to look like her, but you’d love to cook like her. So now you’re inspired to make a gourmet meal look effortless. But watching her cook made you hungry so you opted to sit on the couch and watch her make a delicious “spaghITTI” dish while devouring a pan of brownies.

Why do WE have to romance our men anyway? Don’t we do enough already? After reading a Valentine’s Day article, I decided to ditch the “Recipe for Romance” standard and have a little fun with the usual “how to” tips. Enjoy!

Tip #1: Make a Romantic Dinner
Do you want to surprise your significant other by springing a romantic dinner? Forget the cooking! There is no need to slave in the kitchen to cook a delicious dinner for your husband – you do this all the time anyway. Order in. I’m not talking about pizza or wings, but a full three-course meal from a catering company. Plate it yourself and he won’t even have to know you didn’t cook.

Tip #2: Set the Mood
Candles, romantic music, yada yada yada. Bust out the Dr. Dre and Snoop Dog and some gin and juice and let’s partyyyyy.

Tip #3: Dress for the Occassion
Yeah, I’m gonna dress up in stilettos and irritating panty hose so I can trot around my kitchen? Nah, my blue jeans with a cozy sweater is sexy enough.

Tip #4: Think Outside the Box
A stuffy dinner with fine china with candles and crystal glasses in the dining room sounds divine… buuuuut no, not today. I only have the energy for some left-over paper plates from the kids’ birthday parties and we can eat on the floor in front of the television. Less clean-up and we don’t have to bother gazing into each others eyes, we can just watch the game.

Tip #5: Aphrodisiacs
Mmm, oysters… yummy. Not for this picky eater! Just pass the chocolate please.

Tip #6: After Dinner
Play a fun game of Twister. Hmm, now that could be interesting. A movie? “Titanic” or “A Love Story” might be the obvious choice but let’s ditch those traditional heart-wrenching flicks for some raunchy material like “Californication” on Showcase or better yet, some late-night soft-core porn on The Movie Network!

~ Maria xoxo

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Cat-Naps – Making Short Naps Longer

One book that helped me get my kids to sleep was Elizabeth Pantley’s The No-Cry Sleep Solution.

Her new book, “The No-Cry Nap Solution: Guaranteed Gentle Ways to Solve All Your Naptime Problems” is available now. Here is an excerpt:

Cat-Naps — Making Short Naps Longer
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of The No-Cry Nap Solution

Is your child a cat-napper? Does your baby fall asleep being fed, while in a car seat, sling, rocker, or someone’s arms? When transferred to bed, does your baby then sleep 30 to 50 minutes? That’s the exact length of one sleep cycle. These factors combined define the main cause of mini-naps: an inability to fall asleep or stay asleep without aid – your baby wakes fully at the end of the first sleep cycle, resulting in a too-short nap. I refer to this problem as One-Cycle Sleep Syndrome (OCSS). This leads us to understand the reason that many babies are cat-nappers and also directs us to potential solutions.

Cycle-Blender Naps

One way to help your baby sleep longer is to put him for a nap in a setting that will lull him back to sleep when he wakes between sleep cycles. Cycle-Blender naps occur in slings, cradle-swings, rocking cradles, or baby hammocks. Any of these can help cat-nappers extend their sleep time because when Baby begins to awaken the rhythmic motion can lull him back to sleep.

You can also create a Cycle-Blender nap in a stroller. Take a daily walk outside (it’s good for both of you!) or bring your stroller in the house. Walk your baby until she falls asleep, and then park the stroller near you. If she starts to move about, resume walking or give her a bit of a bounce and jiggle.

Once your baby gets used to taking a longer nap in the stroller, you can make a transition to bed naps. Start by reducing the movement, rolling slower and for less time. After your baby is asleep, park the stroller, using the jiggle if she wakes mid-nap. Over time, let your baby fall asleep in the stationary stroller parked next to his crib, and when the nap habit is in place, change to naps in the crib.

Create a Sleep-Inducing Bedroom

Light, noise or an absence of noise can all cause a cycle-shifting napper to wake up fully instead of falling back to sleep. To encourage longer naps, keep the sleeping room dark so that bright light doesn’t keep him alert between sleep cycles. To soothe your child through sleep cycle changes, use white noise (a recording of nature sounds), or relaxing music. Keep this turned on all through naptime. It will mask the noises that can wake a child who is shifting through sleep cycles. This also creates a powerful sleep cue, and if it is portable — like a CD or travel sound alarm – can be taken with you for away-from-home naps.

Build a Better Bed

To entice your baby to have a longer nap, recreate the crib into a cozier nest. Use softer sheets, such as flannel, plus a thicker, softer crib mattress pad. You can also warm the bed surface before naptime with a towel fresh from the dryer (remove this and test the surface before laying your baby down.)

Make the Bed a Familiar Place

Let your baby have several play sessions in his crib during waking hours. Stay with him, engage his interest and introduce a few new toys. Let him see you as a part of the crib experience so that he gets a happy feeling being there. This way, when he is put in his crib for naptime and wakes up mid-nap it won’t be a lonely, foreign place, but one that carries familiar memories of fun times with you. This can help him accept it as a safe place for sleep and allow him to fall back into slumber after that first sleep cycle.

Interpret Signs of Tiredness

If you put your child for a nap before he is tired, or when he is overtired he won’t sleep as well as when you hit that ideal just-tired moment. Observe your child for signs of tiredness, such as losing interest in toys, looking glazed, becoming cranky, or slumping in his seat. Put your child for a nap the moment you see any sign of fatigue. If you take note of the time that this occurs over a week you should see a pattern emerge. This can help you set up a daily nap schedule that suits your child’s tired times perfectly.

Gauge time spans between naps

In addition to signs of tiredness also watch to see how long your child has been awake. Children can only stay happily awake for a certain period of time until they receive a biological pull towards a nap. Once that “pull” begins your child becomes fatigued and his cheerful mood begins to deteriorate. Each child has unique sleep needs, but this chart shows the typical span of time a child can stay happily awake:

Age Awake time span
Newborn 1 – 2 hours
6 month old 2 – 3 hours
12 month old 3 – 4 hours
18 month old 4 – 6 hours
2 year old 5 – 7 hours
3 year old 6 – 8 hours
4 year old 6 – 12 hours

Keep in mind that children grow and change and their nap schedule should change with them. What’s perfect today may be different than what is perfect next month. Keep your eye on your child and on the clock.

Visit Elizabeth Pantley’s website: http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

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Health

Prevention Diet: The Flat Belly Diet

A new year, a new body and maybe a new attitude towards food?

In December, I was invited to participate in Prevention Magazine’s Flat Belly Diet. I was thrilled! I was selected to receive a free Flat Belly Diet book from Prevention magazine and become part of the Flat Belly Diet online blogging community.

I was intrigued by the name of the diet because after having two kids, I have a flabby belly. The “pooch” that seems impossible to get rid of after being pregnant and ballooning up and down twice in four years.

I gained over 50 pounds with both of my kids. Yes, you heard right. That’s half of a Nicole Ritchie. I can’t give an exact number because I was frightened to step on a scale after reaching that point. Honestly! I stopped weighing myself after I passed the 50-pound mark. I remember asking the secretary at the OB-GYN’s office to NOT tell me what the scale said after my weigh-ins.

I struggled with losing weight after my two kids. After my first son, the pounds melted off in the beginning thanks to breastfeeding. I hit a few plateaus but happily, most of the weight came off. My body almost returned to a somewhat pre-pregnancy state, although my waist never quite slimmed down to the way it was before.

But all that went out the window with my second. My skin’s elasticity was long gone the second time around and I got a real slap in the face when I thought I had escaped stretch marks.

I bought an elliptical trainer which is sadly collecting dust in my bedroom. I am the proud owner of the Billy Blanks Boot Camp DVD pack. Every time I would attempt to work out at home, either my kids would come storming in the room asking to watch their show or they’d exercise with me and we’d all bump into each other as they mimicked my kickboxing moves. My youngest would sit on my stomach while I’d try to do a proper ab crunch. That didn’t quite work out so I finally join a gym.

I’ve been working out for months now and I’ve lost some weight. I haven’t felt this healthy and energized since before I got married. My legs are toned, my butt is much firmer and I have some good definition in my arms. But the biggest problem of all, the only area that I have not seen a huge improvement, is my BELLY.

I do cardio, I lift weights, I do group fitness classes, crunches and ab exercises with weights… but those muffin tops are still there. Those “rolls”, you know, that more-than-an-inch (or two or three) of fat around the mid-section that you could easily make a pizza dough with. I can see my ab muscles trying to peak out from under the fat, but not quite enough.

I don’t believe the scale matters all that much, nor does the BMI (body mass index) measurements. What is important though, not for looks but for health, is the waist-to-hip ratio.

I decided to try the FBD diet because of the science behind the diet – that eating monounsaturated fatty acids (MUFA’s) can target belly fat. The National Institutes of Health stated that a waist measurement of over 35 inches for women and 40 inches for men in an unhealthy sign of excess visceral fat (fat around internal organs in the abdomen).

Measure the narrowest part of your waist to the broadest area of your hips and divide the two numbers. This number should not exceed 0.8 for women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

My waist-to-hip ratio is just above the healthy level. Even though I don’t look like I need to lose weight, it’s simply important for my health to do so. High blood pressure and heart disease runs in my family. Too much visceral fat increases the risk for heart disease and diabetes. You can be slim everywhere but if you wear a large pant size, you can still run into health issues.

This was enough for me to want to try this diet.

And the fact that I can still enjoy peanut butter and dark chocolate on this diet was a win-win for me!

To read more about the diet and book, visit http://www.flatbellydiet.com/

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Kicked off Facebook!

I am extremely annoyed. Royally pissed. My Facebook account was disabled a week ago. For no apparent reason. I was simply posting a link to my blog on a mom’s group and suddenly I was bumped out with the message:

Your account has been disabled by an administrator. If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page here.

That’s it! No mention of when I would get my account back or the reasons why it was disabled in the first place.

Remember when you were a teenager and you were grounded and you were going to miss out on THE ultimate party of the year? This is what I felt like!!!

A life without Facebook? Imagine what I will miss out on! Bob becoming friends with Bill. I’m not going to know that Anna made an apple pie from scratch. Or that George is proud of himself for putting up the Christmas lights. Or that Tania just IS.

I’m not going to learn that Carrie joined the Swingers Group, or that Diana is attending a Speed Dating Event. Or that married Michael is now single.

Oh please please PLEASE give me my Facebook back!!!!

So why was I disabled? I realized that perhaps some of my wall postings share similar text… but I’m not a spammer! I don’t use a fake identity, harrass people or post porn.

Once I received a warning for sending too many messages. Uh… isn’t FB supposed to be a social network???

I’ve sent numerous emails to FB but still have not heard back. What concerns me is they can easily disable your account and hold onto all of your personal information, photos, emails and friend lists.

I didn’t realize that there was such strict FB Police patrol! At least with the police, they read you your rights.

I Googled “disabled Facebook account” to see what I could find out. Was I surprised to see that so many people have had complaints also. Apparently there are tons of dissatisfied users out there, many of them having their accounts disabled without notice or warning, some never to return:

Dale of Carrollton TX wrote on a website, “They Took me off! I don’t know, and can not find out WHY!”
Alexandra of Clearwater FL wrote: “I was disabled for thanking the people who sent me invites. I was not even inviting anyone. And no one at Facebook will respond. “
Gergana of Burbank CA wrote: “They have cancelled my account twice without any kind of explanation. I believe that Facebook needs to go out of business!”

It’s amazing how we live for technology these days and rely solely on it. Without FB, I have no other way of connecting with certain friends. It’s pretty ridiculous, isn’t it? How many of you actually use the telephone to call people and chat like the old days?

But now with Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, Twitter, you don’t even need to talk directly to people anymore.

I am thankful for FB because it allowed me to reconnect with long lost friends… some of which have now become important in my life again.

FB has taken the “I wonder what happened to…” question and given you the answer quite effortlessly. When I first joined FB, I asked myself, “do I really want to know what that person is doing now?”

Sometimes the mystery of not knowing is intruiging… you imagine what has become of that person and you come to your own conclusions. With FB, you either find out that you were dead on with your instincts or totally wrong.

You imagined that the Priest’s son would have become a criminal only to discover that he cleaned up his act and became a Priest too. Or that the skinny, popular girl in high school didn’t turn out to be fat after kids like some of her rivals wished for – she still has a great figure!

After my huge rant about FB, my account was finally enabled again. Hurray!!! Excited to see what happened the week I was away? Truth be told, I didn’t miss out on much at all.

Maria

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Vagina Dialogue

I recently read a blurb in a magazine about the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Los Angeles.

Read again – Vaginal Rejuvenation.

Yes ladies, this is not a joke.

I’ve heard of labia reductions but now we can choose whether or not we want our vaginas to be tightened.

Oh great! As if we didn’t have anything more to feel self-conscious about.

Did I mention the founders of this so-called institute are male doctors?

While I like the idea that the procedure would apparently help my urinary incontinence, I don’t know whether I should kiss these guys or bitch slap them.

After going through the physical changes of pregnancy, to delivering a healthy baby vaginally, and for those women who rip or get an episiotomy and then deal with the healing process, we now have to feel insecure about our vaginas!

They also have a procedure called “Designer Laser Vaginoplasty”. Wow! Only in L.A. So now, we not only do our husbands want us to turn into porn stars at 10pm, we can now actually look like them!

Yes, we secretly want that same feeling as the time we lost our virginity.

Do women really want this? Or is it their husbands who do? Especially those who want to feel better about their size, or lack thereof?

On their website, they say:

Do women want to be loose or relaxed or do women want to be tight? Women answered 100% – women want to be tight.

Women throughout the world have told us that they want to be” like 16 years old, 18 years old, or as if they never had children.” LVR® is the answer.

Is this what we want ladies???

I want to hear what you have to say!

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The Mom Show


Watch Maria & Patsy on The Mom Show on Slice!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 8:00 am ET (5:00 am PT)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 2:00 pm ET (11:00 am PT)

Thursday, October 30, 2008 5:00 am ET (2:00 am PT)

Maria and Patsy sit down with hosts Catherine Marion and Laurie Gelman to talk about mom stereotypes and DMS – Depleted Mom Syndrome.

The Mom Show airs on the SLICE network.

It’ll be a fun show – make sure you tune in!

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A Mother’s Love

My cousin’s baby has Smith-Lemli-Opitz Syndrome (SLOS). It’s a genetic disorder that affects the development of children both before and after birth.

Children with SLOS are unable to make cholesterol, an essential nutrient. Feeding problems and “failure-to-thrive” occur in most children with SLOS and they have trouble with development and general health after birth.

I was very saddened to hear this news because this innocent baby girl is helpless. She is seven months old and weighs only seven pounds. She is not thriving quickly enough, even with cholesterol treatment.

News like this makes you very grateful for having a healthy child. You feel silly thinking about the time you worried when your baby was only in the 50% percentile for weight and height when she worries that her baby hasn’t grown an inch or pound – yet. Or that your baby wouldn’t finish all her veggies when her baby has never tasted them before since she can only be fed through a tube.

My cousin lives in Greece and is getting the best care possible for her baby. She is so optimistic and has high hopes that her daughter will go on to live a healthy and fulfilling life. Her strength is unwavering.

It’s amazing how a person, under the most difficult circumstances, can rise above anything in the name of love. It’s her baby – she will do everything in her power, move mountains and part seas, to help her daughter.

In the face of such a harsh reality, I find it remarkable and truly inspiring to see a woman as hopeful and determined. She is a mother, after all. A mother’s love is the greatest of all.

A Mother’s Love
by Helen Steiner Rice

A Mother’s love is something that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfis hand enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence of God’s tender guiding hand.

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Motherhood

Birds n’ Bees: Teaching Kids about the Birds and the Bees

by Maria Lianos-Carbone

“Mommy, do you have a pee pee?”, my 4-year-old asked me the other day.

I didn’t know how to respond.

“Umm, no, girls have…. uh….”

I just couldn’t say the word. It sounded too weird. Was it okay to use a nickname? Or should I have used the proper term?

When I was growing up, I learned nicknames in Greek when translated mean “little bird” for a boy’s privates and “butterfly” for a girl’s.

But in today’s day and age, I thought it would be a good idea to see what other people are explaining to their kids about body parts and other fun questions that can catch a mom off-guard, as well as what the experts say. This is what I discovered.

The Name Game

Most experts say to use the correct anatomical names, ie. penis and vagina and not “wee-wee” or “cupcake” or any other nickname you’ve decided to use. Stating the words matter-of-factly will help the child learn to use the words in a direct manner without any embarrassment. It will also help children feel more comfortable talking about sexual topics. The correct names should be given for both male and female parts; one without the other would be unfair or could send the wrong message.

When your child asks why boys and girls are different, it’s okay to simply explain that boys have penises and girls have vaginas. You can say that nature or God made boys and girls that way.

Susanne Ayers Denham, a developmental psychologist, says you can point out that each and every person is unique: your best friend’s eyes are green while hers are brown, and Daddy’s nose is smaller than Mommy’s. In a similar manner, boys’ private parts look different from girls’. If you keep the explanation simple, and don’t act embarrassed, your child won’t be either.

Where do babies come from?

Sooner or later, this question will pop up. How do you respond? The stork? God? The answer can be short and sweet. Be honest but keep the answer simple. One way is to explain is by saying, “you were made in Mommy’s tummy (or uterus, to be correct) and that’s where you grew until you were ready to be born.” If your child wants more details, you can explain that Daddy’s sperm joins Mommy’s egg and then a baby begins to grow. When your child is old enough to ask for more specifics, then he/she will be ready to hear more details.

What are Mommy and Daddy doing?

If your child walks in on you and your spouse having sex, talk to him/her. See how much the child actually saw; if it wasn’t much, you may just explain that Mommy and Daddy were kissing and hugging. If your child seems worried or afraid, it is important for you to explain that you were not being hurt. Dr. Anthony Wolf, psychologist and parenting author, says to stick to the simple and honest approach to explaining what sex is. You can say, “Sex is something that adults do. It’s a way of making babies, and it’s something that they enjoy doing.”

Playing Doctor

Don’t make a huge fuss and overreact, and do not scold – simply direct your child’s attention to another activity. Later, you can explain that even though he/she is interested in his/her friend’s body, people have to keep their bodies covered in public.

Private Time

Tell your child that you understand that what he/she is doing feels good but that certain activities are meant to be done in private. Suggest that he wait to be alone in his room if he feels like touching himself.

It’s also a good time to explain to your child that their bodies are their own and that no one should touch them inappropriately. Tell them that if anyone ever touches them in a way that feels bad or wrong, they should tell that person to stop and then tell Mommy or Daddy about it.

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