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Kids Say Amazing Things… Are You Really Listening?

by Julie Watson

Our kids whisper to us every day. We can choose to hear them, or we can brush the whispers off as ‘they’re just being kids’.  Sometimes they speak at normal levels, sometimes they scream it at us, but whatever the method, there is always a message.

My kids whisper to me constantly, and I will confess, I don’t always have the time, patience or awareness to really hear what they are saying to me.  I am not talking about not understanding them because, for example, my 22 month old calls a banana a “ballalalalala”, or a soother a “sooey”.  I am talking about how perceptive they are, and how they comment in their own, innocent and primitive way what they observe in their lives, and need from us…their caregivers, role models and nurturers (not to put the pressure on).

The other day we were packing up to take a long awaited trip to Disney World. I wasn’t even aware that my son, 7, who was engaged in Star Wars Lego action figures, and my daughter, 5, who was re-enacting High School Musical, were even paying attention to me. (just so you know… kids HEAR everything).  As I was running through the list of things we needed to bring in my head, I looked at my computer and thought…but apparently said out loud, “hmmmmm….nope, I am NOT going to bring my computer.”

Both kids stood up from what they were doing, jumped up and down and cheered loudly, “YAY!!!!”.

I almost cried. Seriously. I heard them. No, I mean I really heard them. What I heard were 2 kids who needed their mom’s undivided attention…for a change.

You see my computer is set up in the dining room, so I can conveniently do work while they play, watch TV, do homework, essentially so I can multi-task. Even though they might be busy doing their own thing, and I just happen to pop on my computer to check email, or facebook, all they see is ME on my computer, not spending that time with them.

Then they see me when I am doing official work in the evening, and they also see me checking my emails in the morning, so I can be prepared for my day. They wanted me to be right there, present for whatever they might throw my way.

I could have chosen to laugh it off, or assume they were just being ‘needy, selfish kids’, not understanding that my computer is my life blood…(well, maybe it shouldn’t be…), but I didn’t, I chose to hear them and use this vacation to catch-up on some missed opportunities, and time spent with my kids, without saying, “just a second, just let me check this email, just let me write this story, just let me save this file…”

A friend of mine who recently went back to work full-time after her second child, has tried to maintain the same at home balance from her time at home with the kids. She drops her kids off at 7:00 in the morning, and picks them up in time to get home by 5pm, prepare a full, fresh dinner, bathe, play and bed the kids by 7pm, do laundry, clean house, and organize social activities with a husband who works long hours and fiddles with home improvements (sometimes handy to have…though not while you are knee deep in diapers and dishes).

We recently had plans to meet up for dinner. Before she could get out the door, she rolled her hair into curlers, made dinner for the kids, cleaned the dishes and prepped the kids for bed. While she was loading the laundry into the washing machine, curlers and all, her 3 year old peered around the corner into the laundry room and said, “Mommy, why you work so long?”

I think she did cry. Why is it her 3 year old is the one to stop, make notice and question my friend’s actions? Kids are smarter than we think. Listening to the whispers can pay off in giving them what they need, but also in nurturing ourselves and our needs as Mother’s. Just ask my friend.

On a funny note, another friend was telling me about a conversation her 2 kids ages 3 and 5 had in the car. They had been talking about when to call 911. Using examples to identify what constitutes an emergency. While they were talking, the song “911-Fire Burning” by Sean Kingston came on the radio. The 5 year old said, “see mommy, why is he singing about calling 911, what’s the emergency?” and the 3 year old said in the most serious voice (and with a lisp), “don’t you hear him? there’s a fire burning on the dance floor!!”

Listening to the whispers, talk, or shouts can pay off in learning about our kids, their personalities, what they perceive, and how they are really feeling. And some days, it’s just good for a laugh!

 

Julie Watson is the owner of AfterGlow Health & Fitness in Toronto, for prenatal, postnatal and beyond. When not training, speaking, or writing about Moms & Babes, she apparently spends too much time on her computer, and does her best to listen to her 3 kids. Not necessarily in that order.
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alexisonfire george pettit
Books & Music

Alexisonfire’s George Pettit on Music and Becoming a Dad

We know George Pettit of Canadian screamo/post-hard-core band Alexisonfire like this:


But have you seen George like this?

Pettit, singer, vocalist and screamer extraordinaire, can now add Daddy to his resume!

“Owen is three months old but top of the percentile, he’s 18 pounds which is really big for his age,” says Pettit, 28.

“He’s a massive kid and he’s awesome, relatively easy to deal with except for today, I gave him a bath and he was pissed off at me.”

Proud of his little boy Owen Edward, Pettit and wife Megan have reunited after being apart for six weeks while the band toured with Billy Talent. The last date of the Canadian tour was at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto on March 28, 2010.

Entering fatherhood with humour and natural instinct, Pettit is definitely on the right track:

After a successful album and tour, Pettit looks forward to spending some quality time with his family. I asked how life has been with baby Owen.

“Most of the time he’s just all giggles and smiles, he’s really easy which leads me to believe that a couple of years from now when we decide to have another one, we’ll have a little screamer, a little monster on our hands.”

Wouldn’t that be appropriate?

I wondered how becoming a father has changed this fast-paced life of a rock-band singer.

“The way you look at life and the way you live your life, it changes. Now there’s a little guy who depends on me. Before then it didn’t really matter, I could go broke, I could pretty much destroy my life, but now everything I do is going to affect my kid’s life.”

Hailing from the small town of Grimbsy, Ontario, Pettit is loved by fans for his unique screaming style and energetic onstage performances.  Often prancing around the stage shirtless, Pettit has also been known to dive into the crowd.

On Alexisonfire’s latest album “Old Crows/Young Cardinals”, Pettit’s true voice is more audible:

“Old Crows/Young Cardinals” (Dine Alone Records) is nominated for a Juno for “Rock Album of the Year”.

Watch the 2010 Juno Awards April 13th on CTV.

Alexisonfire performing “This Could Be Anywhere In the World” at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, March 28, 2010 (via amotherworld‘s cam)

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Greek Spinach Rice - Spanakorizo - amotherworld.com
Food

Spanakorizo (Spinach Rice)

Spanakorizo is a traditional Greek rice and spinach dish that will become a favourite as it’s full of flavour and zest thanks to the lemon. This Greek spinach rice acts as a lovely side dish to fish or poultry, or double up the recipe to enjoy as a vegetarian meal. It’s easy to make and ready to eat in 30 minutes.

Here’s my mom’s recipe for Spanakorizo – Greek Spinach Rice:

Spanakorizo – Greek Spinach Rice

Ingredients:

2 bunches spinach
1 cup chopped onion
2 plum tomatoes, chopped
1/4 cup chopped parsley (optional)
1 lemon, juice squeezed
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 cup rice
2 cups water
1/2 teaspoon salt
dash pepper

Directions:

Wash and cut spinach. Boil some water in a saucepan and add spinach for 5-10 minutes. Drain.
In separate pot, sautee olive oil with onion on medium-high heat. Add rice and fry for 2 minutes.

Add spinach, tomato and parsley and fry for another 2 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Add lemon juice, 2 cups water, salt and pepper.

Reduce heat, cover pan and cook for 20 minutes. Serves 4 side dishes or 2 main course.

Spanakorizo Photo:amotherworld

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Books & Music

Feeding Your Family: Moms and Dads and Food Oh My

This is an excerpt from Shut Up and Eat! Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay written by Kathy Buckworth

We need to face facts. The family meal is fraught with disaster and a prescription pre-written to fail, almost every time.

You (the earnest Mom), hate making it day after day after day, and they (the annoying children) hate eating it. Mostly because you made it with your own hands, in your own kitchen, with disdainfully fresh and nutritious grocery store ingredients.

Come on Mom! Everyone knows food goes through an amazing taste transformation once it’s been passed through a drive-thru window. In fact I’m thinking of installing one on the side of my house so the kids can grab their breakfast sandwiches as they ride by on their bikes.

 To make it really authentic, I’m thinking of charging them and getting the order wrong half the time. Hopefully I won’t get the pre-requisite zits and “uptalk” pattern of speech. And I’m nixing the hair net, okay?

I honestly don’t understand (or care, frankly) why they don’t love my cooking, or at least like it. But the whys don’t really matter. The indisputable fact is that whether they (or we) like it or not, moms are “supposed“to get three meals down the adorable, little throats of our offspring by the end of each day.

I’m pretty sure that rule is in every parenting book ever written. Whether we’re serving these meals at home, or bundling them up and sending them out to schools and camps, the food is “supposed” to be healthy and lovingly prepared.

After 17 years of trying to achieve this balance, my advice is this:  Go for one or the other. Either it’s healthy or you loved making it. (If it’s neither, it’s take out.)

If you knock yourself out making that perfectly nutritious meal each and every time, I have to tell you, the love will surely be missing. If you’re able to snatch a Lunchable out of the fridge, throw in an apple and a Wagon Wheel cookie, and send them on their way in five seconds or less, you’re going to feel the love.

Maybe not for the kids, but for the packaged-goods company who just helped you out. It’s all good from where I’m standing, baby.

Excerpted from “Shut Up and Eat! Tales of Chicken, Children, and Chardonnay, Kathy Buckworth, Key Porter Books, March 2010, now available at bookstores everywhere. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com and follow Kathy on twitter at www.twitter.com/kathybuckworth. 
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Entertainment

A Shine of Rainbows Review

by Maria Lianos


Looking for a meaningful, heart-warming movie to watch with your kids?

Take them to see “A Shine of Rainbows”, a beautifully filmed and inspiring story of an orphan boy whose life changes when he meets Maire, played by Connie Nielsen.

“It will make them very grateful,” says Nielsen. “It will also make them want to see this wonderful world of excitement out in nature. People do less and less of that these days. I brought my 11 and 8 year old to see the film and they were moved. I think that anyone watching will have a wonderful experience.”

Newcomer John Bell plays Tomás, a frail, shy eight-year-old boy who has been living a solitary life in a drab orphanage. Then a joyous burst of colour comes into his world: Maire O’Donnell, whose smile and spirit light up the darkest room – and Tomás’s heart. But then Tomas meets Alec, her reticent husband (played by Aidan Quinn) who cannot hide his disappointment with the boy.

When Nielsen read the script, she instantly fell in love with it. “I was crying uncontrollably by the time I had reached Page 16,” said Nielsen. “The story was talking about something I found compelling. I only do movies that I have a reaction to, either politically, emotionally or intellectually. There was something pure about the characters. This is a film that isn’t afraid to think that children are intelligent, sentient, kind beings.”

Set in a small, breath-taking village off the coast of Ireland, A Shine of Rainbows is a story about the transformational power of love, finding acceptance, discovering magic and realizing that rainbows are all around you and within you, too. 

I remember watching Connie Neilsen for the first time in Ridley Scott’s Academy Award-winning Gladiator and thought, what a stunning woman. At the time, I also thought how lucky the Danish beauty was to play opposite Russell Crowe.   Nielsen has also starred in Basic, One Hour Photo and The Devil’s Advocate. 

She is also a mother too – a mother of four, in fact (20, 11, 8, and 3). I asked her how she is able to juggle a demanding Hollywood career with motherhood.

“I only do one film a year for a maximum of two months and my husband and children will come along. I also have the luxury of bringing my three-year-old on set with me,” says Nielsen.

Soon she’ll be shooting another family movie in Africa. Her husband and children will join and while she works, he will take the older children on a safari.

Being quite an expert in parenting four children, I asked Nielsen what advice she would give to a new mother. Her words of wisdom ring true:

“Enjoy the love that is flowing from you, enjoy giving into it.

Stop being too fearful; listen to your own instincts.

Enjoy that big fierce mother in you.

Enjoy the extraordinary.

You cannot spoil a baby. When they cry, it is their only means of communication therefore you must respect that and listen and respond to them.

When you have no more patience or feel overtired, call upon your family members for help.

Make sure you express how you feel.”

A Shine of Rainbows is a film the whole family can enjoy together and walk away from it with valuable lessons.    The tone of the film, the acting, the cinematography and the symbolism touched my heart.  

A Canadian-Ireland Co-Production, the film first screened at the Toronto International Film Festival in 2009 and stars Aidan Quinn and Connie Nielsen and newcomer John Bell and is directed by Vic Sarin.

 

A Shine of Rainbows opens across Canada on Friday April 9, 2010.

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parenting

Frozen Dinners Are Evil

By Mocha Dad

My wife, KayEm, thinks I don’t like her cooking. Well, there are some things that she cooks that I can’t stand – Voila! Chicken and frozen fish patties are the main culprits.

Before my work responsibilities increased, I did all of the cooking. I spoiled Kim with luxurious Cajun, Caribbean, and Italian dishes. I still cook Sunday dinner because I enjoy doing it.

KayEm doesn’t receive the same joy from cooking. Her goal is to get a hot meal on the table in 30 minutes or less. After dealing with a toddler, a mischievous beagle, and two elementary aged children all day, I can understand why she views cooking with such a sense of dread.

Periodically, she will try a new recipe that she saw on Food Network. I make a point to show her how much I appreciate her taking the time to cook a special dinner for our family. There is nothing better than coming home from a business trip to a delicious meal that my wife has prepared.

But things are different when I see the Gorton’s fisherman. There’s always an awkward moment when I get home from work and see Kim placing a pan of Crispy Battered Fillets in the oven. We give each other dirty looks because she knows I’m not going to eat her “cooking” that night and I know that she is going to be upset if I don’t.

In an episode of Everyone Loves Raymond, Debra makes Ray a sandwich that he finds distasteful. After taking one bite, he offers his wife a deal.

“If you let me throw this sandwich out, you can call me idiot,” says Ray.

“Deal,” says Debra. “Idiot!”

The next time KayEm makes fish sticks, I plan to offer the same deal.

Mocha Dad is Frederick, a husband and father of three.  He has written for several publications including Essence and The Houston Chronicle.  Visit his website www.mochadad.com
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Beauty

America’s Next Top Model – Cycle 14

By Maria Lianos

I truly hate to admit it but sometimes, I watch ANTM. It’s a guilty pleasure, yes.

But there is so much that is wrong about this show.

First of all, it makes many young girls think that they could model. In reality, only a few can reach supermodel status.

Sad that we’ve put celebrity and fame so high on the status pedestal that many young girls share the ultimate dream of becoming a model rather than wanting to win an Olympic gold, cure cancer or run for office.

Secondly, it makes many young girls think they need to be a size 0. I am aware that there are “plus size” models represented on the show but there are only 1, maybe 2 per cycle and the weight topic always seems to be an issue.

This season in particular, I was actually shocked when Alexandra said she was a plus size but wears a size 10. Am I missing something?

A size 10 is considered to be an average, healthy size! When did a size 10 become plus?  Oh in the modelling world, I see.  Makes complete sense – NOT.

I’m sure that first episode put a new wave of girls into a diet frenzy. I know it personally made me question my own size since I wear between a size 8 and sometimes 10.

When ANTM first started, it was fresh and appealing compared to some of the other reality shows out there. Tyra Banks seemed to be genuine in wanting to make a difference in the fashion industry. Giving ordinary girls the opportunity to be thrown into super-stardom was appealing. She embraced young women of every ethnicity. She put the idea of plus-sized into mainstream.

But, as season (oops) “cycle” after cycle has passed and Tyra is already on her 14th “cycle”, it seems to me that the show has become just as discriminating as typical top-notch modeling agencies. The comments from judges are becoming more brutal and insensitive. Editing of the show may twist reality, perhaps showing some girls in a negative light.

“It’s good TV”. Yes, putting a bunch of young, skinny and potentially hungry girls to live in the same house in a competition is bound to cause drama. And drama is great for ratings.

Andre Leon Talley, former editor-at-large for Vogue magazine, is the newest member on the panel. This eccentric new ‘character’ actually seems the most sympathetic of the judges.

I will say that I’m much more of a fan of Jay Manuel, not just because he’s stylish and gorgeous, but also because we went to high school together. His flare for fashion was clearly evident as he choreographed the schools’ fashion shows.

Back to Tyra – it’s coming to a point where Tyra should think about retiring her fierceness. I personally have seen enough about “smizing”.

Does Tyra think she’s making a difference with ANTM and her talk show? To me, it just seems like she can’t get enough of herself.  I wonder if I’m the only one annoyed by her sing-song dialogue and the bad accents.  She seems to be constantly performing, of being “on” all the time rather than keeping it real.

And now with this size 10 comment, the show is helping to feed more into the serious issue of poor body image and the damaging impact of the “thin” ideal on women in society.

When I first saw model Crystal Renn gracing Elle Canada’s glossy pages, I was pleasantly surprised. I give big props to Elle Canada for doing three shoots with this beautiful “plus-sized” model this past year.

I also am grateful for the Dove real beauty campaign, the Ben Barry Agency as well as End of Fat Talk. Hopefully these efforts will help get us closer to celebrating real beauty.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Maria Lianos is mom to The Boss and The Destroyer and is amotherworld.
  
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Health

11 Tips for New Moms: Take Care of Yourself!

When I speak to new moms at Life With a Baby programs, it brings me back to the first year of having my first son… boy was it isolating and frightening!

A new (or even experienced) mom is so busy taking care of her kids, along with work and the million other things on her to-do list, there is never any time left for herself.

How do moms find a balance? If only I had this list when I had my first child, maybe it would have helped. Here are 11 tips for new moms ~ on taking care of YOU:

11 tips for new moms

1.  Get more sleep.

Take a nap when your baby/toddler naps. Who cares if housework is piling up, you need this rest.  The more sleep you get, the more you can function normally… without wanting to tear off your husband’s head.

2.  Eat Well.

Eat a balanced, healthy diet and take a multi-vitamin.  Can’t stress enough how important it is to find the time to sit down and have a proper, nutritious meal. Especially if you are breastfeeding, you need those extra calories to help with milk production and to refuel – your body needs it.

3.  Exercise.

Although it’s difficult enough to find any free time,  keeping your body healthy and active will also help you feel better and boost your energy. If you can’t join a gym, get together with other moms for simple exercises like stroller walking!

4.  Meditate.

Don’t forget about your mental state of being; take up yoga, meditation or any other form of a stress reliever.  Even just 10 minutes of quiet and deep breathing will help clear your mind and relax.

5.  De-stress.

Even just 15 minutes a day – either a bubble bath or reading a book can help you unwind and de-stress.  Just a short break will change your perspective.

 

6.  Just say NO!

You will be pulled in a hundred different directions and invited to family functions and friends’ events.  Although your heart is in the right place, you just can’t do it all.  Learn to say “no” to commitments – don’t try to do everything, or else you’ll end up feeling stressed out.

7.  Simplify Household chores. 

Find products/ways to help do the job faster and easier. Schedule cleaning tasks to a specific day of the week to help keep you organized.  Get the hubby to help around the house.  If financially possible, hire someone to clean the house every 1-2 weeks.

8.  Ask for help.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Call your mom or mother-in-law to give you a hand.  Family far away? Find a local baby-sitter or a high-school student helper.  Or if you have a group of mom friends with young ones, take turns watching the kids so each of you can have an hour or two to run errands or simply take a nap.

9.  Socialize.

Just because you’ve had a baby, it doesn’t mean you can’t still have a social life.  Join a women’s book club or go out for a girls night out – you will need it!

10.  Have Date nights.

You’ll also need to spend some time alone with your husband.  Once the baby arrives, it’s all about the baby… some couples lose a little bit of their relationship and need to get back to that place.

Plan a date night every month or two. Rekindle the romance you had before the baby arrived.

11.  Get support.

From friends, parents, even a counsellor. Meet other moms in your area and open discussions – you’ll be surprised how many feel exactly as you do!

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Books & Music

Keeping Your Children Healthy

by Meredith Deasley                  

Back in 1999, I was abruptly thrown from the corporate world into the even scarier world of a new mother.

From the time my eldest was born, until she turned two, Taylor experienced colic, a rash all over her body, projectile vomiting, frequent colds and eventually constipation, where she remained in pain for the better part of six months. A critical job for every parent is keeping your child healthy.

I knew I needed to make Taylor healthier and FAST! It was the eventual healing of my daughter that led me to having the vast understanding of children’s nutrition that I am now grateful to possess.

If your young child is catching a cold every other month, they are building their immune system. If he or she is catching a cold every other week, it is time to look into things further.

What are other instances where you may want to look into your child’s health further? When your child experiences colic/fussiness, infections of any kind i.e. yeast, ear, bladder, chronic diaper rashes or other rashes, constipation (meaning not having a good sized bowel movement every day), frequent loose stools, behavioural issues or health challenges of any kind.

The children of today are the sickest of any generation prior. Why is that? They are exposed to more sources of bad bacteria than ever before – from food, air, water, and drugs.

The number one way to get more good bacteria into your child is to give your child probiotics, which are the opposite of antibiotics, drugs that remove both good and bad bacteria from the body. Probiotics, the most common of which is called acidophilus, is best purchased from a health food store.

Next, you’ll want to look into the specific foods that are problematic for your child. Whichever food your child eats the most of is usually the culprit. And if you are exclusively breastfeeding, what food can you not live without?

How can life be so cruel, you ask, as to make us addicted to the foods that are our worst enemies? It needed to be easy for us to spot the culprits and as a result, it usually is.

For more information on keeping your children healthy and happy, visit www.theresourcefulmother.com.

Meredith Deasley is a Pediatric Nutritionist and teacher of Pediatric Nutrition and Allergies at The Canadian School of Natural Nutrition. She conducts seminars and meets with parents individually to help them prevent or overcome any health challenge. She has recently authored “The Resourceful Mother’s Secrets to Healthy Kids.”

 

 

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