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Featured

Are You Having Enough Sex? Sex Life Stats and Confessions

February 9, 2012

With Valentine’s Day coming up, love and romance is on the brain… and of course, sex!

Are you having enough sex? Are you satisfied with your sex life?

We did some digging to find out how others are doing in the sex department.

In 2010, Durex conducted a survey to which 44% responded that they “are fully satisfied with their sex lives.”

The study found that:

Pretty interesting sex statistics, excuse me – married sex life stats.

Kids, work, stress, lack of sleep… this sounds about right? I asked some of our own readers to respond anonymously to the question, “how is your sex life?”

Here are some of the responses:

“My husband and I have sex about once a week. To be honest, most of the time I don’t feel like it, I would rather sleep. Our daughter is 17 months old and really wears me out.”

“Sex life? What sex life? After having baby number two I have no desire what so ever. And to make matters worse the less sex my husband and I have the more we fight! We “get around to it” about once a month and that is just not good at all. Plus I’m a Passion Parties Consultant! I have everything I need to get my mojo back and spice things up but after feeding, cleaning, dealing with crying, not getting a shower, diaper changing, dealing with whining from my oldest sex is the LAST think I want! My husband jokes that he has to tie me down just to get me going! No joke. He should do that more often!”

“Honestly, with both girls, it dropped to nil, nada, don’t dare touch me, until the baby was about a year, then all of a sudden something kicked in and started having sex more in a week than in three months previous. What was also surprising is it got better-wayyyy better. Not all the time of course-we all have colds now and are pretty burnt, but when we do it, it just feels…easier to climax.”

“We do not have sex. Sadly. I can count the number of times we had it last year. She never takes the time. Makes me bitter, and in my mind justifies me looking elsewhere for intimacy.”

“It’s mediocre and it is all my fault. I am tired most of the time. Don’t feel sexy at all (even though my husband tells me I am all the time). At night I just want to crawl in bed and sleep. I had a two week holiday and things were much better. I blame work for making me so tired.”

Its seems to be that so many are not having enough sex because they are tired. Here are some articles to help get your sex life back in gear!

15 Tips to Get in the Mood

Bring the Passion Back: The Naughty Bucket List

Featured

5 Tips to a Great Valentine’s Day

February 9, 2012

by Carin Goldstein

Let’s face it – Valentine’s Day is a lot of hype (thank you Hallmark). I’ve seen many women who report feeling very disappointed by the end of the day because certain expectations were never met.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t enjoy this annual festivity but making sure that you have realistic expectations of your loved one will definitely allow you to enjoy the day more.

That said, here are my 5 tips to a great Valentine’s Day:

1. Don’t make dinner reservations that night

That’s right, you read correctly. The restaurants will be crowded beyond because you’ll be dining with every couple on the face of the earth, and the pre-fixed menus will be jacked up to the sky. Instead, make it for the night before or the night after.

2. Remember who your husband is and set the standards from there

Unless you KNOW that your husband is a die-hard romantic and every year he enjoys going all out for you on Valentine’s day, then the two of you should have an agreement of what the frame is as far as celebrating Valentine’s Day.

For example, maybe you both agree to have a $50 limit on gift purchases for each other as there’s nothing worse than jumping through hoops to find your spouse the perfect lavish gift while the other receives a pair of socks. Or maybe you both decide on no gifts/just a card, and maybe even agree to write more than: Love, Bill.

By the way, if you have a wise-ass husband, probably a good idea to add to that “a 3 sentence minimum” so that “writing more” doesn’t result in Love ALWAYS, Bill.

3. Dump the Hollywood fantasy

Try to not get stuck in some magical thinking that St. Valentine is going to spread his magical love dust on you that day and that this is the day that your husband will finally express his undying love for you. It’s similar to couples stuck in a toxic marriage and think that having a baby is going be the magic pill (and we all know the answer to that: not happening).

Instead, be present with your husband or partner that day and engage in an activity with him. Remember that men are kinetic by nature, so if on V-day you want to feel close to him and vice-versa, go on a hike together.

4. Be realistic about sexy times

Just as mentioned in #3, the same thing goes for sex. If you feel like getting frisky and decide to go out and buy some hot lingerie to kick things up a notch, then all the more power to you! However, if sex has been pretty much non-existent, don’t think that Valentine’s Day is going to magically transform your sex life. The first thing that needs to happen is the CONNECTION between you two. Only then will you see a change in the sex.

5. Know that unconditional love does not exist (and that’s okay)

Remember the Beatles song, All You Need is Love? Here’s the deal: it doesn’t exist. When it comes to your marriage/relationship, the success of your connection with your partner is conditional! Your relationship is dependent on how well you BOTH own your part in the marriage.

So, if on February 13th you scream a “let me tell you all the things I hate about you” speech to your husband, do you think that on Valentine’s day he should unconditionally treat you like the sweetest little thing in the world? Um…I highly doubt it. It doesn’t work that way.

As an adult, things in life are conditional (which I truly hope you all are teaching to your children). I’m not saying that if you and your partner have a heated argument that you can’t still love each other…what I’m saying is that a satisfying relationship between two adults doesn’t just come out of thin air. Hence, it certainly won’t come out of thin air on Valentine’s Day if your relationship isn’t already a priority. Ladies, allow me to put it straight: if you want unconditional love…get a dog.

So that’s my top 5 tips to you. I hope you try them on for size and that each one helps you to enjoy a sweet and satisfying day of LOVE.

Carin Goldstein, MFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles and the creator/host of the popular video blog, BeTheSmartWife. Visit her blog to watch Carin give free video tips on how to improve your marriage and sign up for her monthly E-zine. You can also connect with Carin on Facebook at or on Twitter.

Motherhood

Wordless Wednesday: Super Mario Obsessed

February 8, 2012

Desserts

Flourless Fair Trade Chocolate Cake Recipe

February 8, 2012

by Cathy Rankin, recipe by Dana Jackson

When women come together, good things happen. A friend of mine is in large part supporting a group called Creative Social where creative minds come together. She happens to be amazing in the kitchen! So when I wrote my article on fair-trade chocolate, it was meant to be for Dana and I to converge and support as the group was intended for.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day and in support of my article and fair trade chocolate, here is a recipe for foodies everywhere, compliments of Dana Jackson of HotPinkApron.com.

This is a delicious gluten-free, flour-less fair-trade chocolate cake recipe. We’re preparing it in a 6″ pan, making it ideal for small dinner parties or intimate date nights.

The chocolate flavour is rich and the dense texture is that perfect mix between cake, brownie and fudge. This is a household favourite with fresh berries or homemade jam, and a dollop of fair trade certified ice cream. Yum! For this recipe and many other chocolate based recipes of mine, I use the fair trade certified cuisine Camino brand products found in most major grocers.

Follow Dana on Twitter @hotpinkparon for more recipes and adventures in eating well.

Flour-less Fair Trade Chocolate Cake

Ingredients

1 bar (100g) of fair trade certified, fine-quality bittersweet chocolate (Not unsweetened. You can substitute for a dark 70%+ chocolate. I use camino brand bittersweet 71% dark chocolate bar.)

1/4 cup unsalted butter, plus additional to butter the pan

1/2 cup granulated sugar

2 large eggs

1/4 cup fair trade certified, unsweetened cocoa powder, plus additional for sprinkling (I also use the Camino brand 100% cocoa powder.)

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375°F and butter a 6-inch round or spring-form baking pan. Line bottom with a round of parchment paper and butter paper.

Chop chocolate into small pieces. In a double boiler or metal bowl set over a saucepan of barely simmering water melt chocolate with butter, stirring, until smooth. Remove top of double boiler or bowl from heat and whisk sugar into chocolate mixture. Add eggs and whisk well. Sift 1/4 cup cocoa powder over chocolate mixture and whisk until just combined.

Pour batter into pan and bake in middle of oven for 30 minutes, or until top has formed a thin crust. Cool cake in pan on a rack for at least 10 minutes and invert onto a serving plate. I recommend letting this cake completely cool to room temperature, approximately 2 hours, before serving.

Dust cake with additional cocoa powder and serve with berries and ice cream, if desired. This cake will keep, after being cooled completely, in an airtight container for one week but after the first taste I wouldn’t count on it being around for longer than a day. 🙂

Enjoy!

Recipe and photos courtesy of:

Dana Jackson of HotPinkApron.com.

Cathy Rankin is a freelance writer and mother of one wonderful little boy, teaching her daily how not to sweat the small stuff. Follow her on Twitter.

Entertainment

Best 20 Movies to See in 2012

February 7, 2012

There were some golden eggs last year, but for me it wasn’t the best year for movies and left something to be desired. Luckily for us film goers, 2012 is just in time.

There are some huge films coming out this year and you’re not going to want to miss out.

Here is a quick list of the best 20 movies to see in 2012 – films that I am really excited to see in 2012 (alphabetical, release dates in brackets):

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (June 22)

HELL YES!! Abe killing vampires?! It’s got to be good.

Brave (June 22)

Every year Pixar makes an incredible movie, I have my money on this one.

Dark Shadows (May 11)

Burton and Depp go Vamp. The pictures aren’t convincing me but I still have hope.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (Feb 17)

I still love Nick Cage, let’s hope this one is better than the first because if it’s done right it could be one hell of a ride.

Grey (now playing)

This is already out but it’s not too late. Watch Liam Neeson fight wolves and be his badass self!

Life of Pi (Dec 21)

One of my favourite books is now a promising film in 2012. The story is amazing, I have my fingers crossed.

Prometheus (June 8 )

This movie could be bad but we all hope it will be good as Ridley Scott goes back to his sci-fi roots.

The Amazing Spider-Man (July 3)

Some people are sick of Spider-Man at this point but I like the new look and feel of this movie and think it could refresh the franchise.

The Avengers (May 4)

Uh, ya. I’ll be there opening night. This film is going to be huge. Nerds and action lovers unit!

The Dark Knight Rises (July 20)

See also Joseph Gordon-Levitt *swoon*. These Batman movies are some of the best action cinema I have seen this past decade. Not to be missed.

The Gangster Squad (Oct 19)

Starring Sean Penn, RyanGosling, Emma Stone and Josh Brolin AND directed by Ruben Fleischer…who cares what it’s even about!

The Great Gatsby (Dec 25)

The classic novel brought to life, starring Leo DiCaprio. I’m hoping for some Oscar nominations from this.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Dec 14)

Peter Jackson can do no wrong in my mind and he has a way with J.R.R. Tolkien that no one else could ever dream to have. This will be an amazing movie. You know it will. It can only be epic and this is the film I am most looking forward to in 2012!

NEXT PAGE

lifestyle

Valentine’s Day as a Family

February 7, 2012

by Danielle Christopher

I spy my husband’s truck pulling around to our home. I see the red balloons bopping up in the passenger’s seat.

I do not tell our daughters that daddy will be home any minute. A smile reaches my lips when I recall the Valentine’s Days of our past, or rather before we had kids.

On our first Valentine’s Day we never saw each other. I had high school classes and he had to work. After Social Studies I went to my locker. I felt bummed that for the first time having a boyfriend on V Day I will not see him.

The previous year, my boyfriend had broken up with me the day before Valentine’s Day. I turned my lock and unclicked it. As I swung open the door I got confused for a second. There was a white long box in my locker. Then I realised they were roses from him.

I opened the box and smelled the fragrant flowers. I could not stop smiling all through the rest of the day. For years after we never went all out for Valentine’s Day. How could he top the one that meant so much, so I never expect it?

Since being parents, we stay in for February 14. As our girls get older we have made the day more about family love. My husband brings home a small gift for each. Having girls, we desire to set the precedent that they are worth being acknowledged and loved.

For dinner we either order out for a Boston Pizza heart shaped pizza or we cook favorite foods. One year we ate all red foods like tomato sauce with pasta, cupcakes and, for us, red wine.

After the paper plates (no cleaning required) are cleared, we break out a game. Our favorite right now is playing Wii bowling. We cheer each other on as we take our turns.

For bedtime story we read a special story like: Clifford We Love You. We laugh and enjoy our special night.

When they get even older, we probably will not see them for dinner on that day. Right now, I love that we make it about us being together.

Danielle Christopher is a stay-at-home mom of two daughters, ages one and three. She blogs for The Momoir Project and writes book reviews for Women’s Post. Her teen story is in the collection “Parent/Teen Stories: Without Judgement”. She lives with her husband of seventeen years and her girls in Langley, B.C.. Follow her on Twitter.

Health

Little Things That Make You Happy

February 6, 2012

Name one thing – other than your family and friends – that makes you happy.

For me, it’s Nag Champa.

Silly as that may sound, it’s true.

It’s an amazing incense that calms my nerves and helps me focus. Its potent, sweet smell helps me relax and meditate.

Why meditate? Without it, I think I would be an emotional wreck. Learning to meditate has helped me to get rid of the noise and constant chatter in my brain. You know, that voice that keeps talking long after you’ve gone to sleep? It’s that worry which stops you from enjoying life fully.

We live in such a fast-paced society that it’s not often where we have a moment of peace to reconnect with ourselves. Working online also has made me flexible and a pro at multi-tasking, but it has left me feeling exhausted mentally.

During the day, we are constantly subjected to sensory input and our minds are always active in the process of thinking and feeling. We are inundated with words, images, people, things, problems, emotions – all in a constant, quick flow – zooming through your mind’s eye.

At night when you hope to get some rest, often our brains are still working overtime, processing and absorbing all the information the brain has retained throughout the day. You know when you feel like you haven’t slept well but you slept eight hours?

With meditation, you are able settle down from all the activity and find yourself more peaceful and focused. In essence, meditation makes you aware of yourself as a living and breathing human being.

Stopping the noise and chatter from your mind allows you to remember to be aware of your body’s signals. When you can reach that place in meditation where you are calm and quiet, you will feel a sense of peace and understanding of yourself.

And suddenly and miraculously, all of the answers you were seeking are there in front of you. Relying on your inner self to act as a guide is the most powerful feeling you can experience.

Your intuition kicks in and you realize you already have the answers you seek.

The ability to experience peace of mind and find that mental clarity has truly helped me to savour the simple things life has to offer.

The smell of coffee at the crack of dawn. The sound of children playing at the park. A warm breeze fanning my cheek. My boys’ contagious laughter.

Being able to enjoy the little moments throughout the day, with every passing moment, is the key to happiness.

Being able to live in each and every moment – at that very moment – is the ultimate bliss.

Once you’ve reached the ability to live in this manner, you have achieved complete contentment.

With all of the day-to-day challenges I face, the one thing that I have control over is how I respond to everything around me.

And if I am calm and peaceful, so will be my perception of the world around me.

That is bliss.

…until the kids start screaming 🙂

What little things make you happy? Name something that makes you happy in one word.

parenting

Getting Kids to Do More for Themselves in the Morning

February 6, 2012

by Sara Dimerman

My children are older – 12 and 20. They are fully capable of making their own beds, for example, or bringing their laundry hampers into the basement.

So I have decided to step back so that they can step forward. After all, am I really doing them a favour in the long run by always doing for them what they can do for themselves?

I want to be clear that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “doing” for them. If my daughter is studying in her room, there’s nothing wrong with surprising her with a cup of hot chocolate and cookies, even though she can boil the kettle and make a snack herself. Nothing wrong with offering to drive her to a friend because it’s cold out and she’d otherwise have to take the bus. These are examples of ways I can show how much I care.

They differ, however, from feeling that I have to take responsibility because I think that it’s my obligation to do so or taking responsibility because I fear being blamed if I somehow don’t perform in a way that has become expected. It’s about doing because I want to, not because I feel I have to.

Here’s what I’m going to do differently so that the kids do more for themselves:

1. My first step back means that I have to make sure that both of the girls’ alarm clocks are in good working order and that they knew how to set them. Who am I kidding? They are more adept at making electronic things operational than I’ll ever be.

2. My next step involves sharing my intentions with them. Not in a way that makes them feel as if they are being punished, but in a loving, caring way. So, I told them – “I love you guys and I certainly don’t want to see you being late for school, but I’m also tired of and stressed about having to nag you to get out of bed in the morning. So, I’m giving you advance warning that as I won’t be waking you up anymore. It will be your responsibility to set your alarm and get yourselves up with sufficient time to get out of the house on time. I figure that you are more than capable of doing that.”

3. I need to remain steadfast and resolute. I know that if I give in – even once – that the exception will become the rule and I will have blown my opportunity for a fresh start.

4. Once they have mastered getting themselves up in the morning, I can move onto other areas. The possibilities are endless. Imagine – I may even get them to make their own school lunches or order in pizza for the family!

Sara Dimerman is registered with the College of Psychologists of Ontario and provides counselling to individuals, couples and families out of the Parent Education & Resource Centre in Thornhill, Ontario. She is the author of two parenting books, ‘Am I A Normal Parent?’ and ‘Character Is the Key’ and is one of North America’s leading parenting experts. Learn more or listen to advice from Sara and her colleagues by searching for “helpmesara” podcasts on iTunes or by visiting www.helpmesara.com

Fashion

Jason Wu For Target: Fashion For All

February 5, 2012

Designer Jason Wu unveiled an affordable Parisian-inspired women’s line for Target.

Rather than spending thousands of dollars for Jason Wu items at high-end stores, Target is selling almost 60 items for under $60!

The collection hit Target stores on Super Bowl Sunday and many of the items are already sold out online.

The line includes blouses, skirts, jackets and handbags.

Here’s a look!

Food

Super Bowl Sunday Food Ideas

February 3, 2012

Super Bowl is on Sunday, February 5, 2012.

Confession: I don’t even watch football. In fact, I don’t even like football.

Sorry fans!

But I do like the idea of gathering around the television and one of my favourite pastimes – eating.

Forget the chips and chicken wings – I’m talking about some savoury food to have on-hand when I’m watching David Beckham’s half-naked body in the H&M ad… I mean, those football players!

Here are a few Super Bowl Sunday food ideas and recipes that would be fabulous to serve on Super Bowl Sunday!

Restaurant-style Burgers

Garlic Herb Pizza

Peanut Sesame Noodles

Enjoy!