Whether you’re at the playground and some other kid gets out of hand, or you’re supervising a playdate – do you intervene and discipline when the other child behaves badly?
On the Today Show, the question was posed: should you discipline another parent’s child?
It sure happens. How do you deal? How would you or do you handle it when the other child is out of hand?
One expert, Ian Kerner, said it’s okay to discipline someone else’s child. “You have to intervene on behalf of the children involved,” he says.
He believes in the three Fs method: be firm with the child; be fair to the child’s parent or caregiver; and, whatever you do, don’t freak out. If for example, the other child is aggressive, you should use a firm tone of voice to stop the situation, like saying “hey!” After that, explain to the parents what happened in a calm tone.
“I’ve learned that while I can be firm with another parent’s child, I can’t change their parenting style,” he says. “It can be frustrating, but it’s better for you to put yourself and your child in safe situations rather than toxic ones.”
Susan Swimmer says it’s not okay to discipline someone else’s child. She says when it comes to other kids under the age of 10, it’s not your job or your business to correct their behaviour.
Unless the situation is dangerous, she believes that you should defer to the parents or caregivers of the child causing problems. “You’re big and they’re small and you are a stranger,” she says. The parents of the child should be the one to explain to the child what went wrong.
Also, she says, “If you don’t like how a kid is behaving, take YOUR kid out of the situation.” Swimmer’s message to parents who aren’t disciplining their own kids: “They’re your kids, you need to MOM UP and do the job. Don’t rely on others to do what you should do.”
What do you think? Should you discipline another’s child?
3 Comments
Amazing post! I would definitely know what to do or how to react when I get caught in situations like this. Thank you!
I agree that you could somehow approach the kid and let him stop whatever bad stuff that he is doing, but you should inform the parents and make them discipline their child.
I think these are two different questions …
1. When some other kid gets out of hand, or you’re supervising a playdate – do you intervene?
2. Do you discipline when the other child behaves badly?
The way the question itself is framed, it means one has no choice but to act (ie. discipline anothers child) when things go out of hand.
I think a more meaningful question would be framed thus:
If you had an opportunity to discipline another parent’s child, and you know it will be good for the child, do you go ahead with it?
Because common sense says, one should be minding their own business (err. children) and not mess with others’.
YES! I think the decline in behaviour and social discipline in the UK is very much down to the fact that kids don’t see there being more authority figures.
Only the parents can dish out discipline, which means no one else has any power over misbehaving children. This means that kids can act completely differently inside and ouside the home, or learn that no one can discipline them and that will mean they start to care less about their own parents’ influence.