My eldest is turning seven soon… which means I have to throw a birthday party.
Why the lack of enthusiasm? Well, planning a birthday party for kids is like planning a wedding.
When did it become so complicated and expensive? Do I need to take out another mortgage for these events? Parents spend too much on birthday parties for kids!
Mommywood types make it very difficult for the average urban (or suburban) mom to compete. Tori Spelling put a petting zoo in her backyard. The Cruise’s had a four-tier birthday cake. Britney Spears’ boys drove around in their own customized Ed Hardy cars.
So what does a commoner do? They throw extravagant birthday parties too.
They even have a reality show called “Party Mamas” featuring over-the-top moms who throw outrageously elaborate and pricey parties.
Crazy, no? I’ve gone to parties where the parents appear flustered but they just suck it up, dropping hundreds (and those who spend thousands) of dollars on a kid’s birthday party. Impressive but who are we trying to please here? A two-year-old who just wants chocolate cake?
From clowns to face-painters, trampoline parties to indoor playgrounds… from princess themed to pirates… one mom tries to outdo the next in hosting these birthdaypaloozas.
And then there are those moms who have kids celebrating first thing in September and think they have an edge; 
they’ll be the FIRST to host a party that school year. Then every mom after that has to outdo the previous party! It must be bigger and better.
Does it get easier as the kids get older? Or do the parties become more of a competition once the kids start Grade 1? Is it just that these moms feel like they have to show they are the next best thing to Martha Stewart? Or is it the kids who suddenly turn six and want the huge birthday fiasco?
Whatever happened to making a cake from a box? Streamers and confetti? After all, the kids want the presents… and cake. Chips and a Duncan Hines birthday cake will suffice. A quick 1.5 hour party where it’s a bit of play, sing happy birthday and out the door – with empty hands.
If guests are bringing a gift and I’m offering lunch, drinks and dessert, do I have to also give out loot bags? Isn’t the food and cake and balloons enough? Do we really need that extra pressure of shopping for dollar-store items for a dozen loot bags?
Seriously, these loot bags are like wedding bombonieres these days! Do I need to make tags with decorative ribbon for these too? Who has time to plan all these details???
What do you think about birthday parties these days – over the top or not?
12 Comments
I love birthday parties almost as much as my kids and every year I can admit I go crazy over their parties. But man do they get expensive. Each year its more kids and more $. This year my daughter (8) wanted an iPod we talked about how expensive they are and her party and came up with an idea to stick in a $500 budget. Half would be for the party the other half for her iPod. We managed to have 17 girls over for a fabulous “girls night” party for under $250! I was very proud of myself, they all had a great time and she was so excited to show off her new iPod.
Now I know going forward that bday parties dont have to be sooo expensive. There are lots of great ways you can stay in a budget and still have a great day. And really for kids as long as their friends are there they are thrilled. It is the parents who make themselves crazy.
I think they are often over the top. Kids like to eat cake and hang out with their friends. My son attended a party where the Birthday girl did not open her gifts until the guest left. That way no one felt like she liked one more than another. We were surprised, but it worked for them. I find even the basic of parties theses days are over $200, then if the kids want to go somewhere or have entertainment it gets really nuts
I’m not a fan of conspicuous displays of “I’ve got more money/more creative ideas/a better party planner than you do.” I just want to give my small child a special day with her family doing something that will make happy memories for her.
Really!! $500 is a budget for a kids party? Can my kid stay 2 forever? I think parents are embarrassed if they can’t throw a fancy paty like they othrs. But as a kid my 3 best friends for a sleepover and a homemade cake was enough fun for me. I won’t be having the entire class to my sons parties when he’s school aged
There are four years between my kids, which is my preface for saying that I’ve learned a lot between Kid No. 1 and Kid No. 2. With Kid No. 1, I did feel like I had to invite everyone at daycare to her fourth birthday party – kind of a last hurrah for her as an only child. Kid No. 2, meanwhile, has only ever had family parties – no giant indoor playground extravaganzas (her birthday is in October, so too iffy to plan something outdoors). And you know what? She hasn’t complained. And, yes, she’s been to many of her little friends’ parties, has seen what others do.
We decided together that she will invite her best friends to a party at our house this year. Doable? Yes. Expensive? Not.
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Maria, great question and really it inspired a post just to answer it. Basically no we dont need to be the party mama.
http://commoncentsmom.com/2011/07/20/how-to-have-a-simple-frugal-birthday-party/
Hi Maria,
I think birthday parties are meant for celebration,joy and fun with cakes,chocolates,balloons etc. I really miss those birthday parties which I had attended when I was a kid.Eating a tasty cake and playing games was all we used to think about when going to a birth day party.But as u said,now a days these big birth day parties are taking away that innocence. Now birthday parties are all about who arranged a better birthday party.
Hi Maria,
I had my DD’s 7th party at home this year. It came out to be around $220. 🙂 We have such pressure on us but this society and otehr fellow moms when it comes to planning a party. Actually DD did not want to goi to a venue, she wanted her party at home. So I said okay, and I was nervous since I ionly had parties at home for them when they were 1 tyrs old. All the kids had a blast,it was a rock star pop star themed party…they dance, they played they hung out, they had a grand time. I decorated the basement with abllons, streamers and lanterns. And kids were the “DJ’s” they picked out their own music on the cd player, I di dnot have to haire a dance coreographer either lol. ( not that I can afford one ) So I though t I will have a lot of hard work put into it but it was easy. I made home made fresh fruit cups the night before and ordered pizza on the day pf the party. HAd organic juice for the thirsty kids. We opened presents. I did not spend mony on junky chep dollar store loot bags. I really do not like loot bags at all it is a waste of money and it adds extra expense to the party. Seriously it is my kid’s bday why do I need to give the others something. So I went to the Childrens Place and got T-shitrts for the kids ( only beacuse it is customs in Canada to give out loot bags ) but at least the shirts are useful and cool. 🙂
Also please not parents if you do not want to buy a guft it is okay, If you ca nnot afford one it it okay but please do not regif items that are not age appropriate. One girl said as C was opening presents: ” This puzzle is from my sister’s gifts she did not like it so we gave it to C ( a puzzle for a 4 year old ) and this plush toy is left over from her loot bags. ” Okay thanks for sharing. Please do not get me wrong parties are not about gifts, but if you are bringing something make sure it is something the the brithday child will like. And make sure your child does not know you are regifting, kids are way to honest lol.
So please see my blog post for pics of the party.
http://tny-photography.blogspot.com/2011/07/happy-7th-birthday-chloe.html
You are right – they have gone too far… Gotta say though, some of my best childhood memories are of the loot bags. I used to love getting them and waiting until I got home to open them and examine every little thing inside. I also liked giving them… so much so that we did them at our last dinner party (adults), including those paddle ball things (you know, the paddle with the ball on an elastic that you hit around?) Anyways all of our guests left the party paddling away… it was hilarious.
Great topic. We have four kids, each two years apart. Birthday “season” starts for us in May and then we have a kid birthday in Aug, Sep and Oct with my husband’s birthday in Sep and mine in November. We have parties for all that want one (and we love birthdays so we all do want one) but we are really budget strict and stick to it. We don’t yet tell the younger kids what their “budget” is but we do tell the older two – it helps them to make informed decisions. We have a total of $150 for your 9 year old party. If you are desperate for order-in pizza and glow necklaces for playing outside after dark, then you will have to settle for box cake and microwave popcorn for snacks. We try to make the activity (fabric markers on pillowcases this last time) into the “favor” if we decide to have one. We steer away from plastic stuff made in China.
Birthdays are about fun, not about breaking the bank. The boys have never argued with us about being frugal, and they enjoy the decision-making process.
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