Lately my boys have been a little obsessed about the D word.

The other night, my almost five-year-old started crying and said, “I don’t want you to die…  Mommy what happens when we die?”

Oh boy.  How do I answer?  How much do I tell them?

Right before bed, he will often ask:  “Will we die when we’re 100?”

He’ll also say, “You are going to die before me!”

And then the tears start to flow.

I usually let out a big sigh because I honestly don’t know how best to answer.  I can’t avoid the question completely but I don’t want to say too much either.

“Honey you don’t have to think about that for a long time,” I say, hugging my boys ever so tightly.

But the questions keep coming.  From my seven-year-old as well.

“When we die we’ll still be in our house?”

“Will we all be together in the cemetery?”

“Will we come back as ghosts?”

I hate having to answer these questions but know that I must address them simply.

So how do you explain death to your younger child?

It’s normal for your child to ask about death even if he/she hasn’t yet lost someone.  It’s actually better to discuss it before losing a loved one.  So answer his/her questions about death. Story books might help explain it better.

Younger kids probably can’t handle too much information all at once.  For example, explaining that the physical functions have stopped might be better understood.  “Aunt Maggie was very very sick and now that she has died, her body has stopped working.  She doesn’t eat, sleep or breathe anymore.”

When they ask when they will die, a good answer might be:  “No one really knows exactly when we will die, but most of us live a very long time. I am sure you will live to be very old.”

Explaining death and the afterlife will of course depend on what you believe in.   If you talk about heaven, you may have to be careful about how you explain it.  My son asked, “so we’ll all be happier in heaven?”

Oh boy.

“Well honey, when we die, our spirit lives on forever and ever.  We’ll always be together and we’ll always be happy and dancing and playing.”  Is this the right thing to say?

Kids want to hear that they will always be with their parents, no matter what.  So you could say, “I plan to be right here with you until I’m very, very old and you’re all grown up.”

What if they’ve lost a loved one?

“We’re so sad that Uncle Jim isn’t here with us and we’ll miss him very much, but it’s nice that he’s with God now,” might be a good way to reassure your child without adding to his worries.

My kids have been asking me these difficult questions for months now, and I’ve realized that they will continue to ask much more for a long time.  From what I’ve researched, children will likely ask new questions as they become more aware of death.   These ongoing questions are normal and it’s best to keep answering them.