Dear Fantsi,  

I am a 39 year old mother of 3 and bored with my life. It seems all I do is work at a job that I tolerate and then run an early morning and late shift at home. Hubby just doesn’t get it or stress the way I do. How do I enjoy life when there is absolutely no time available for me?

boredbrokenandbothered

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Dear boredbrokenandbothered,

Life sucks. Period. End of story. Give up now!  And you’re turning 40!!!!!  Does it get any worse?????

Pisshhhhhh. Although I’m sure that’s what many will tell you, trust me, it really doesn’t have to be half as suckish. Sure life has monumental downs… like the 3 hour drugless birthing process.  Not the 12 hour labor, I mean the actual pushing and 30 minute crowning that brought forth into this world my fabulously big-headed bundle of cranial diva joy.  Yes that’s right ouch!  And from time to time life can have some surprising ups … like the fact my OBGYN chose to meticulously sew/reconstruct what could easily have become a fully functioning replica of the Suez Canal!

But I digress… Life is mostly a fabulous flutter.  Not always perfect, but always yours to conquer OR surrender to. If you choose to believe it is merely half-way above or half-way below tolerable blahdom… then you sadly choose to surrender to it.   Don’t let your perception of life be completely distorted by celebrity panderings of the life and style of the oh-so-fabulous people they think they are!

Darling, you too are fabulous! You just need to believe it! Start by letting go of the martyr syndrome that’s caged you… and for goodness sake (hereinafter referred to as FGS), adopt my cardinal ME 3 R’s rule – Retreat! Refresh! Recharge!

This rule entails building a 10-20 minutes 3R session into your day, every day. You most certainly are screaming “HOW?!?!?” I sense your exacerbation and empathize, but this is more about habit breaking and routine forming than it is about magical fairy dust sprinkling. I assure you! If you can bribe, I mean, talk your kids into eating their broccoli and peas, you too darling, can do this!

Intrigued? Read on.

RETREAT: Your routine can turn into something like this:  you arrive home, you give the kids a big hug and kiss…  significant/insignificant other can wait – unless he’s/she’s got a blood-orange martini in hand waiting for you and the promise of a no-strings-attached full back rub – at which time you must simply announce that you are dying to change … or need to make one quick business call … or have a serious case of some gastric ailment (this usually works well to stave off those who would otherwise follow you into the toilet with incessant chatter about their *gasp* day … the nerve!). I mean, no bird, fish, dog, cat, child, man or woman for that matter has starved in the 20 minutes you need to become human again … grumpy yes … but then again, so are YOU!

The point is, you need to do whatever it takes to get thee to thy room and shut the door behind you for those precious 20 minutes that you are more than entitled to.

Some advice: do be sure to make it a safe place by putting locks on the door! Truuuust me. It took 10 years of constant walk-ins – worse than any north-eastern clinic during flu season – and one daytime romp-n-sprawl-with-hubby interrupted by one very boundary challenged teen (post-witness-traumatized I might add .. ha ha) to figure out this one remarkable necessity.

REFRESH: Do something to refresh!  Brush your hair, your teeth, your legs … whatever … spritz on some perfume or body spray … anything to give you a mental lift. My favorite is Origins Gloomaway™ Grapefruit Body Mist or Body Souffle or even Mary Kay Warm Amber™.  Then FGS!   Change into something fabulously comfortable!

Please leave the sweats and toilet cleaning pants for … toilet cleaning! I am particularly smitten with Speigel’s Signature Silk Cashmere Knit or Stretch Silk Knit Collections for glam loungewear.  I don’t think it is meant to be loungewear, but it really is absolutely perfect.  Feeling calm, refreshed and even a little sexy is half the battle … in a nutshell darling, go on…. get Fantsi! It’s a start!

RECHARGE:  Once safe and settled your aim is to RELAAAX … preferably with drink in hand. Let the kids scream. Let the dog bark. Your household, as brilliant as they all are haven’t the faintest idea how to start a coup and revolt… anarchy isn’t an inherent human trait … they’ll survive a few more minutes without you.

Too distracting? Well, tune them out FGS! Listen to music … your choice … mine varies from day (mood) to day (mood) … today, it happens to be Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major but tomorrow it could quite possibly be Lily Allen’s F*ck You… tres apropos, if you ask me.  Be sure plug that music directly into your ears to truly shut out the voices in your house AND in your head!

And FGS darling …. please breeeeeeaaaathe deeeeeeeeeeeeply. Studies show how this alone is instrumental to stress busting… and the clincher: it doesn’t cost a thing! And combined with this routine, it helps keep that mass proliferation of frown lines and stress induced crows feet at bay. Imagine how adorably fantsi your skin can be! (This might be good time to revisit that drinky you had … best to keep that to a limit of 1 or maybe 2 … you don’t want to reverse any of the fantsi goodness we’ve been achieving. Alcoholism, is not the objective here darling!)

And remember, take this precious time and clear your mind of all responsibilities that await you today, tomorrow and every day thereafter. You will have that opportunity in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 …

Go forth now darling and conquer!

Best of luck to you! 

PS:  Stay tuned for weekend tips and techniques which involves finding that all elusive “ME” time. A weekend bath, wax, massage and home-based mani-pedi ritual… when time just won’t let you get out to the salon… sound good?? Trust me darling … a calm, sexy, soft and scintillating YOU will get anyone revved up and committed to making sure you get that special time YOU DESERVE.

 

 

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Origins www.origins.com   Mary Kay  www.marykay.com   Spiegel www.spiegel.com