Family expert Sara Dimerman is here to answer any questions you may have. If you need to submit a question, please email amotherworld@gmail.com.
Q: If I’m the only parent around, should I discipline other people’s kids?
A: Because you mention “If I’m the only parent around”, my answer is quite different to one that acknowledges the presence of other parents. So, yes, if there are no other parents or caregivers around such as when a child has come over to play with your child without another adult to supervise him or her, you may want to get involved if and when you see behaviour that may escalate.
Keep in mind, however, that you will be more limited in how you can discipline. For example, a time out or punishment would not be be appropriate. However, if your child’s playmate yanks a toy out of your child’s hands, then intervening by mentioning that grabbing is not okay and helping them come up with a way to work it out, would be appropriate.
If you are firm but fair and uphold consistent guidelines, then there is little risk of getting into hot water with the other child’s parents.
What I would also recommend is that when the child’s parents pick him or her up from your house, share what has taken place. If the parents hear what has happened from their child, they are less likely to appreciate your involvement and may be upset that you didn’t share the incident with them directly.
Some parents may even choose to ask for permission to discipline each other’s children. This even further reduces the risk of any negative consequences that may arise from disciplining another person’s child.
Sara Dimerman is a psychologist in the Toronto area who has provided counselling to individuals, couples and families for more than twenty-five years. She is the author of four books – two for parents and two for couples – the most recent of which is “Why Married Couples Don’t have Sex….at least not with each other!” and is a columnist and podcast producer/host for sites and print media across North America and internationally. She is a regular guest on radio and television and is interviewed frequently for articles online, in newspapers and magazines. Sara is married and has two daughters. Visit Sara‘s website: www.helpmesara.com or follow her on Twitter @helpmesara.