by Mr. Dad

Once upon a time, I read about a world where a gentleman would call on a lady he was interested in.  He perhaps made a call to her parents to make sure it was ok.  He brought gifts, flowers, dressed appropriately to make an impression; the works, so to speak.  In fact, one can argue that the courting dance was quite formal with an air of pomp and circumstance.  Then the 70’s came about and there was an appreciable shift.

Through the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s methods changed and brought about new challenges.  Although the scene moved from the sock hops of the 60’s to modern bars and clubs, it seemed that many of the challenges of “boy meets girl” still lingered from earlier days; the biggest being the highly charged environment that is the social scene.  I’m a child of the 70’s, so I was limited to being a spectator, but what I saw was a change in the dating culture.  Looking back at it now, I understand how it could have seemed like a scary future for a 14 year old me.

I am referring to the dreaded pick up scene; guys trying to “put a move on a girl” and the girl observing and evaluating “the move” and either dismissing or opening him up for further examination; 14 year old me dreading this thought.  On TV and in the movies, I saw men polishing up their pick up lines, filling them with words insinuating character traits that were not remotely real.  Men trying to by the right clothes, the right fragrance, the right car, having the right job, the right haircut, all to make sure, that the single moment of truth, the first line, they had every chance to be successful.  It seemed, to 14 year old me, like a lot of pressure, a bitter pill to swallow.  I immediately began looking for my hook, preparing for my moment on stage, one day performing for that girl that I may not even like or want, after all is said and done.  So being a lifelong examiner of things (read geek), I had to break it down and understand the heart of it all.

I observed dating as a peculiar effort to build a Brand; the better the Brand, the more girls you could get.  Why, because the Brand had to overcome all the distractions involved in courting a potential mate in a face to face society.  In effect, if I have my Brand in place, I can at least have a chance to somehow communicate the real me; without it, I’m just another face in the crowd.  Admittedly, this seems like a generalization of dating in the late 20^th century, but a young me had to comprehend it at the simplest level.  Sure people met at school, under slightly less pressure but still there was the element of the male putting on a show for the female and she having the ultimate say, something that is by the way ingrained in our DNA, just look to the animal kingdom and their involved mating practices,.  Along the way, many pretend boys met many pretentious girls, they got together and began finding each other’s true nature, with many unhappy endings.

Get to the good news, you say.  Well, here it is.  Along came technology; two information streams seemingly on a collision course that would change dating forever. One, the brick sized cellular phone of the late 90’s and the other the huge home computer that Bill Gates introduced us to around the same time.  Soon it brought us the tools of the trade: internet, email, instant messaging and social networks, the pillars of modern dating.

Remember that problem with building a Brand, no longer necessary.  Remember the nervousness of that first date, a thing of the past.  Today, by the time you actually meet face to face for dinner, you will probably know a library of interesting facts about your date.

Thank you, IM.  You are now, old friends getting together to catch up and share ideas instead of limping through a first date.

Thank you, email.  In fact, you’ve probably already seen photos of your date in his/her environment, maybe you saw her in a more relaxed setting, maybe you saw him with his sister in a charming photo.

Thank you, social networking.  A potential couple is now capable of true personal intimacy and understanding much earlier in the relationship.  Social networks allow you a chaperoned view into your potential mate’s life; what is important to them, what makes them happy, most importantly, what he/she may have in common with me.  We, my friends, are miles ahead of the past.  Our next generation will grow up with a real appreciation of people, not just a lust-at-first-sight hunter/prey sensibility.  No pressure on dates, but rather intimacy and idea sharing.

So what happened to the Brand … no longer required.  The new Brand is the real you; your ability to communicate and share your thoughts.  The car you drive, or the job you have is not the front burner requirement anymore.  When the phone met the computer, it revolutionized the way we relate.  You are interested in a certain book, meet 1,500 other people that share your passion, some of them may even be women that you may enjoy to be with in a social setting.

You are a visual person, get on Facebook and see and share music for your eyes.  You enjoy music, share it with your new flame while you are walking (not driving!).  You need to say a quick “I’m thinking of you”, go ahead, add a smiley while you are at it.  You are separated for a while; you can communicate to your heart’s content.  A single mom can flirt and hold her baby’s bottle at the same time, try that one before the blackberry.  You need to coordinate a night out?  I don’t even have to mention this one.

My point is that my whole world is no longer centred on that one good-looking person at the end of the bar and whether I have sufficient Brand so that she will not reject me.  Believe me, there will still be rejection in life, not all is rosy in this brave new world.  There will always be those that will choose to abuse technology to further their unsavoury goals.  But …. at least now you can make an informed decisions on friends that you meet, ones that could possibly lead to having a life-long friend or networking contact.

Imagine not treating people like targets in a meat market; looking at them as valuable people in your life.  Given all the positives there is still often signs of backlash, a common side-effect of massive adoption.  Or people who will choose not to avail themselves of the rich tapestry that is technology.  All that is good, always carries some bad, but I’d like to think that somewhere buried deep in this new culture, is a hope for a connected future.  One where people around you become meaning in your life; and you become part of a sensible society full of companions sharing ideas and not half-truths.

The 14 year me feels a lot better now 🙂

Mr. Dad is a father of one, a business professional and loves his tech gadgets.