My childhood wasn’t always the greatest so neither were the holidays.

My Mom always did her best and we never did without – at least we didn’t feel it.  But then there was my Dad… inevitably he would be drunk by noon and so the family drama would ensue. Everyone, including Granny would be in tears by dinner. Fun times.

When I had my son, I always swore that we would have the best Christmases ever and I think we succeeded. At least he won’t have any drunken stories to tell. We had our rituals, like every other family, and treasured those each and every year.

I was usually the first one up. I would be so excited… light up the tree, get everything ready, then wake them up. I never put out presents until after son went to bed on Christmas Eve because Santa hadn’t come yet… the look on his face every year was priceless. I loved the whole day. I would always try to stretch it out – open the stockings first, have a juice and coffee break , and then go downstairs to the tree.

A huge brunch was always next, clean up then off to a family dinner. I thought I had scarred him for life once by leaving out some presents early by mistake.  I had a friend write on the Santa cards so they wouldn’t be in my hand writing. I made up a story about elves and early delivery crap but I felt I had just made the biggest Mom fail EVER – he doesn’t even remember that now.

When my son was a teen, he befriended a ‘hoodlum’. When he first brought him home I was a little shocked because son didn’t usually hang with people like ‘this’.

Major tattoos everywhere, stretched ears and of course, spiked hair. If you met him in a dark alley, you might just panic. But as I got to know Mikey, I was reminded to trust my son because he always had and still does have great judgment for people. He became a fixture around the house and called me Mom along with the rest of my son’s buddies.

With the holidays coming I asked my son what Mikey, who was 16, was doing. I found out he had pretty much been living on his own since about 12 and didn’t have anywhere to go for Christmas.

With only a few days to go, I had work to do and I was in my glory! I went out and bought almost as many gifts for Mike as for son that year, complete with a stocking.

On Christmas Eve I asked my son when Mike was coming. “Sorry Mom, but he isn’t, said he doesn’t feel right.” I went to bed upset and still felt same in the morning.

We all looked at our stuff but didn’t want to touch it – not even open our stockings. I said that’s it! We got in the car and drove a half-hour to his place and started banging on his door. I told him I wasn’t leaving until he came with us.

Finally, he shyly relented with a smile and got in the car. The looks on his face that day are the most priceless moments I’ll never forget.

I don’t think he ever had an over-flowing stocking before or lots of boxes under the tree, but he sure did that year. He would blush and get all embarrassed every time he was handed a gift. It warmed all of our hearts too, just seeing that smile we had come to love – that would have scared many!

Christmas past brings me back to now and why I’m not crazy on Christmas present. I’m at my best when I’m doing for others… whether it be shopping, wrapping, cooking – that’s when I’m happiest. I don’t have that anymore and it’s hard at this time of year.

My marital status has changed after 25 years and so have the sibling’s get-togethers. It used to be that ALL the family was there;  now it’s too big and it’s just not the same.

I guess it’s just this time of year that reminds us single ones, with grown kids, that we’re not so needed anymore.

On a positive note, I say – come on grandkids! I’m very grateful though. My son is always with me for dinner – he’s such a keeper!

Cherish the moments when your little ones are young – they grow up way too fast.

Dianne Preston aka @smilenwaven is a proud Mom, first and foremost. Her son inherited his musical passion from her but thankfully he has talent! Dianne has worked in the admin world for most of her working years and now has a home-based typing, errand service. She loves music/concerts, antiques, Scrabble, cooking and being with friends, including her Mom.  She worked as an associate-editor for two small newspapers and was married 25 years, but has since moved on and loving her ‘new life’ at the moment.