Most days I let hot topics that I read go because I do not want to add fuel to the fire. It is interesting how some write opinions that they would never say in a face to face conversation. The hot topic this past week did ruffle me. The subject is banning kids under 6 in restaurants.
Social media lit up with the fire that this topic caused. The first time I read about it was on Dawn Chubai’s (local BT Vancouver host) Facebook page with the simple status update “thoughts?” and the link. Many chimed in on how they would love it. One friend piped in when do we stop banning-go back in time? Is this really 2011?” I contributed in my personal thoughts (which I will share later here) and it got liked by many people.
Here in BC there are many places to go that are kid-fee. The bars and pubs have a strict “No Minors Allowed policy.” When I get a rare time-out with my fellow parent friends we frequent establishments like that or lounges. Rarely will you find kids in a fine restaurant after 7pm, locally.
I posed to my peeps on Twitter. Here is a sampling from parents including personal experiences.
@ALotOfLoves Not all places are child friendly. I don’t think all restaurants need to be either. Obviously this place didn’t cater to kids. The age thing doesn’t actually bother me. I hear, “We are intolerant & don’t like families”. Result: I won’t go there. Ever.
@BoredMommy I think banning kids from restaurants is just gross. Why don’t they just ban assholes instead.
It is sad to think that in this day and age we are resorting to ageism. My children look older than 6 but are much
younger. Do I need to carry their birth certificates? We know when to go out to eat and when not to. With the costs of eating out higher now due to HST, I value a meal that I do not have to cook and clean for. I bring a bag of tricks to entertain my girls when we go out. Many restaurant managers have stopped by our table to compliment us on how wonderful they are. In case you did not know, my daughters are 2 and 4. We might eat out 2-3 times a month.
We were at our go-to place for lunch when our youngest went into a teething crying fest. I scooped her up and walked outside faster than you could say “Check please.” After a few minutes in the parking lot, a staffer came out to check on us. My husband had paid the bill with our oldest daughter. The restaurant had packed up my meal and included a coupon for next time. We still go there today.
My question to restaurants: do you ban obnoxious, drunk and cursing adults? (I have personally seen that they don’t.) My children act better than some adults. It makes me mad they could be judged by other customers or places as trouble just by looking at them.
After reading the Facebook threads and Tweets, it seems that there is a consensus.
1. To ban is wrong. To have a sweeping rule that if a customer (whatever the age) is bothering other customers they would be asked to leave. Special needs customers are excluded from that discrimination by law in most cities.
2. It is a parent’s responsibility to teach their kids respect for others. This includes showing them appropriate behaviour in restaurants. It is a very important lesson for them as they grow into adults. If they are unruly then it’s time to leave. They will learn that the fun stops when they are misbehaving.
3. If you want a guarantee to dine at a kid-free zone, try a lounge, bar, pub or of the like. Look around you might find a new place that kids do not frequent.
What sticks in my brain is that I have never heard of such an age ban in Canada. Yes, there are “minors not allowed” zones, but in a public place all is welcome. Since being a parent and on a tight budget, I treasure eating out with my family because it’s creating memories.
We would love to hear your thoughts. Do you go out with your kids?
Danielle Christopher is a stay-at-home mom of two daughters, ages one and three. She blogs for The Momoir Project and writes book reviews for Women’s Post. Her teen story is in the collection “Parent/Teen Stories: Without Judgement”. She lives with her husband of seventeen years and her girls in Langley, B.C.. Follow her on Twitter.
Maria Lianos-Carbone is the author of “Oh Baby! A Mom’s Self-Care Survival Guide for the First Year”, and publisher of amotherworld.com, a leading lifestyle blog for women.
I work at a lot of kid free establishments. I’m a DJ in a bar. I can tell you that these places contain less maturity than a McDonald’s playland.
It’s not the kids that are the problem, it’s the parents. As parents it is our job to teach our kids how to behave in public and set an example for not only our kids but other parents as well. I have 4 kids and i’m confident I can take them anywhere. They know that there is a time to be on their best behaviour and a time to go crazy and let loose. If they can’t discern, we remove them. Plain and simple. Respectful kids from respectful parents and too many parents are too busy telling their kids how to act instead of showing them.
I have three young children and we take them out to eat when we can. We trained them young! They got used to being breastfed in restaurants and then sitting in different high-chairs. Having traveled with the kids a little, Paris France has to be one of the least welcoming place to dine out with kids. I remember searching for over an hour in Montmartre for a restaurant or café with a high-chair – I also remember the looks we got when we even asked places if they had one. In the end we gave-up and had a picnic in the park.
My partner and I have been discussing this topic at length since it was brought up a week or so ago.
We are the parents of a 3 year old, an incredibly well behaved 3 year old that we would take anywhere.
That being said, we would not take her to a fine dining establishment, and we would support a ban on children in one.
I agree that we as parents need to teach our children proper etiquette and manners, but the point is MANY PARENTS DON’T! And why should the patrons in a restaurant suffer because of lack of parenting?
My husband and I were celebrating a milestone, at a very upscale restaurant, and for the whole meal we were so fortunate enough to listen to a 4 year old screaming because they didn’t serve Mac and Cheese, his younger sister running around the restaurant and yelling. When we asked the server about having the family asked to look after their children he replied that they had been, but that they were also paying customers.
In today’s day and age, where parents spend less time parenting and teaching and more time friending and hanging with their children, it is harder and harder to go any restaurant without dealing with this. I sure as heck don’t want to pay $150 for a meal that I have to listen to the above happen.
That being said, I have no issue with children in restaurants if it is a family restaurant. I’m not talking McDonald’s, and other fast food places, I’m referring to places like Kelsey’s, or East Side Mario’s, where they actually have a children’s menu, and crayons for children. When I go to a place like that, I expect children, and am not upset when they become upset. It happens.
With so many places to eat, I wonder why parents take their small children to upscale dining establishments.
I know occasionally for many parent’s, myself included, that childcare can be an issue, especially when in another city visiting. On these occasions we just haven’t gone, we are upfront and honest with the people who invited us, that we don’t think it’s appropriate for our daughter to attend this function as she is only 3. That we wouldn’t want her to disrupt any of the other patrons. Simple.
I applaud restaurants for setting age limits, if they don’t, and ask families to leave because of unruly children, they are automatically the ‘bad guy’, not the family with the children. By setting an age limit, there are no bad guys, children just aren’t allowed. If parents don’t like it, then don’t frequent that restaurant on Date Night. It’s simple.
Remember when restaurants used to have smoking sections?? They should just turn the old smoking sections into kid zones so all the families can be clumped together – and all the child-free tables can eat in peace. Everyone’s happy.
If you are going to take your children out in public then be prepared, bring crayons or even a dvd player if you have to. We are on vacation at the moment and having to eat out a lot. I have to be mindful of good times and bad times to take my kids out and I simply don’t if they are too tired or cranky.
I also do not tolerate poor behaviour in public and if they are misbehaving we leave.
If the restaurant doesn’t have a kids’ menu, I don’t go there, because they’ve obviously done that for a reason. If it does, I do and if my child were to act up, we’d leave. Simple as that. A ban isn’t necessary; parents just need to make the right choices.
Hey Danielle,
I can understand where people that want to ban kids from restaurants come from. I hate it when I’m eating in a restaurant and some kid somewhere keeps crying and making noise, usually I just leave. This is the exception though, most children behave quite maturely and aren’t a nuisance at all.
Danielle Christopher is a stay-at-home mom of two daughters, ages one and three. She blogs for The Momoir Project and writes book reviews for Women’s Post. Her teen story is in the collection “Parent/Teen Stories: Without Judgement”. She lives with her husband of seventeen years and her girls in Langley, B.C.. Follow her on Twitter.
8 Comments
I work at a lot of kid free establishments. I’m a DJ in a bar. I can tell you that these places contain less maturity than a McDonald’s playland.
It’s not the kids that are the problem, it’s the parents. As parents it is our job to teach our kids how to behave in public and set an example for not only our kids but other parents as well. I have 4 kids and i’m confident I can take them anywhere. They know that there is a time to be on their best behaviour and a time to go crazy and let loose. If they can’t discern, we remove them. Plain and simple. Respectful kids from respectful parents and too many parents are too busy telling their kids how to act instead of showing them.
I absolutely agree with Chris, and I practice exactly the same thing with my kids.
I have three young children and we take them out to eat when we can. We trained them young! They got used to being breastfed in restaurants and then sitting in different high-chairs. Having traveled with the kids a little, Paris France has to be one of the least welcoming place to dine out with kids. I remember searching for over an hour in Montmartre for a restaurant or café with a high-chair – I also remember the looks we got when we even asked places if they had one. In the end we gave-up and had a picnic in the park.
My partner and I have been discussing this topic at length since it was brought up a week or so ago.
We are the parents of a 3 year old, an incredibly well behaved 3 year old that we would take anywhere.
That being said, we would not take her to a fine dining establishment, and we would support a ban on children in one.
I agree that we as parents need to teach our children proper etiquette and manners, but the point is MANY PARENTS DON’T! And why should the patrons in a restaurant suffer because of lack of parenting?
My husband and I were celebrating a milestone, at a very upscale restaurant, and for the whole meal we were so fortunate enough to listen to a 4 year old screaming because they didn’t serve Mac and Cheese, his younger sister running around the restaurant and yelling. When we asked the server about having the family asked to look after their children he replied that they had been, but that they were also paying customers.
In today’s day and age, where parents spend less time parenting and teaching and more time friending and hanging with their children, it is harder and harder to go any restaurant without dealing with this. I sure as heck don’t want to pay $150 for a meal that I have to listen to the above happen.
That being said, I have no issue with children in restaurants if it is a family restaurant. I’m not talking McDonald’s, and other fast food places, I’m referring to places like Kelsey’s, or East Side Mario’s, where they actually have a children’s menu, and crayons for children. When I go to a place like that, I expect children, and am not upset when they become upset. It happens.
With so many places to eat, I wonder why parents take their small children to upscale dining establishments.
I know occasionally for many parent’s, myself included, that childcare can be an issue, especially when in another city visiting. On these occasions we just haven’t gone, we are upfront and honest with the people who invited us, that we don’t think it’s appropriate for our daughter to attend this function as she is only 3. That we wouldn’t want her to disrupt any of the other patrons. Simple.
I applaud restaurants for setting age limits, if they don’t, and ask families to leave because of unruly children, they are automatically the ‘bad guy’, not the family with the children. By setting an age limit, there are no bad guys, children just aren’t allowed. If parents don’t like it, then don’t frequent that restaurant on Date Night. It’s simple.
Just my two cents.
Remember when restaurants used to have smoking sections?? They should just turn the old smoking sections into kid zones so all the families can be clumped together – and all the child-free tables can eat in peace. Everyone’s happy.
I agree that the problem is poor parenting.
If you are going to take your children out in public then be prepared, bring crayons or even a dvd player if you have to. We are on vacation at the moment and having to eat out a lot. I have to be mindful of good times and bad times to take my kids out and I simply don’t if they are too tired or cranky.
I also do not tolerate poor behaviour in public and if they are misbehaving we leave.
If the restaurant doesn’t have a kids’ menu, I don’t go there, because they’ve obviously done that for a reason. If it does, I do and if my child were to act up, we’d leave. Simple as that. A ban isn’t necessary; parents just need to make the right choices.
Hey Danielle,
I can understand where people that want to ban kids from restaurants come from. I hate it when I’m eating in a restaurant and some kid somewhere keeps crying and making noise, usually I just leave. This is the exception though, most children behave quite maturely and aren’t a nuisance at all.