Kids Are Worth It: An Interview with Barbara Coloroso

by Christy Laverty

Barbara Coloroso is a world renowned speaker and author. She has penned several international bestselling books on parenting, non-violent conflict resolution, and school discipline. She was once a Franciscan nun but now lives with her husband in Colorado and she is mother to three grown children.

In her 30 years of experience she says she has made mistakes and learned a lot about being a parent. Coloroso says it is all about raising caring, responsible and independent children. Recently we had a chance to talk with Coloroso about parenting and the re-release of her 1994 book “kids are worth it!”

AMW: Talk to us about “kids are worth it!” and what it is like to have your book back in print again. Do you think the book is still relevant to parents today?

B.C:  The basics are the same, the story lines change but the themes are the same. Just the characters change. I look at my mothers generation, they dealt with polio, there were different issues but they still had meal time, bed time, sibling rivalry, potty training. It was all the same.

AMW: There seems to be more and more pressure on parents these days to buy things, get stuff and acquire things. Our children are becoming consumers at such a young age and many parents are giving into the pressure. We as parents tend to use bribes and rewards more and more as a technique.  What are your thoughts on that?

B.C:  It came into real popularity in the 70’s for both parenting and teaching. People did not really question how ethical the technique was.  I did as a special education teacher because I was trained in behavior modification. I had a theology and a philosophy background also. Many faith traditions are based on reward, for example you get your reward in heaven. 

How do you raise kids who are not reward and praise dependent, who will stand up for that young girl in middle school who all the girls say they wont’ eat lunch with her? When the high status girls say if you want to sit with me you won’t eat with her. A reward dependent kid is going to eat lunch with the bully. Also reward dependent kids do to please. They do to please you when they are young, but they do to please their peers when they are older, they will also do to please their boss and government that may be leading them astray.

The treat in the store will eventually back fire on you. Children will eventually say “What are you going to give me for it?” You then don’t have generous kids. You don’t have kids who will step in when the need is there when some one needs help. Those are the kids we really want to raise. We are not in for perfection. The outcome we are looking for is deeply caring kids. Kids who know how to care deeply, share generously, and help willingly. 

AMW: Why to do you think the book has stood the test of time? Was there much that needed to be changed?

B.C: What was real heartwarming to me was that I didn’t find anything. This book has been printed in 26 languages and only in two instances did they request that portions be changed, one in Venezuela and one in Denmark. Denmark it was the part on allowances; you spend it, you save it and you give it. In Denmark, the comment from the editor was that the government takes care of that and so to share your wealth was not the mindset. The other in Venezuela was that people don’t do chores. The families that were buying this book were the elite and someone else did chores. They hired someone to do chores. Those were cultural differences.

The book seems to resonate all over the world. Again it’s the basics. We all have mealtime, it may be different but the essence of meal time is to share a meal which we are losing. If there was one area, well there are two really, that I would push with families is to eat at least one meal to celebrate with their children and set a proper bedtime routine to make sure that kids are getting enough sleep.  The medical research in sleep deprived children shows greater instance of obesity and metal disorders. Meal time and bed time have to become a routine but not regimented. We have to have some way of sharing food that is not just fast food eaten in the car or never eaten face to face. You just make it an important point and we are losing that. I wouldn’t change my book to change the culture I think the culture needs to change.

I am glad I wrote the book. I gave it to both my daughters when they got pregnant.

AMW: Any last words of advice for parents?

B.C:  We all come with a parenting tool box already there compliments of the parents who raised us, the community that we grew up in and the culture that we grew up in. We have to examine that tool box. I said to my own children that your job is to be a better parent than I was. We are not into perfection but truly excellence in what we do.

You can now purchase “kids are worth it” online on Amazon.ca and Chapters Indigo.ca and bookstores.

To win a copy of her book, enter here!

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Christy Laverty is a mother and an editor for a Toronto all news radio station. She also does freelance writing for several parenting magazines. Visit Christy’s blog where she updates the trials, tribulations, and fun of being mom of two beautiful girls.