by Christy Laverty

Back to school in our house also means the ongoing struggle over what the kids are wearing.

Let’s face it – there is not a parent out there that can escape some kind of battle over fashion, no matter if you have boys or girls. It is going to happen sometime in your parenting life, guaranteed.

If it hasn’t happened to you yet it will, one day your child (young or older) will try to walk out the door wearing something that just doesn’t sit well with you. It will either be too short, too tight or it will just offend your eyes in some way.

I remember once my youngest daughter was desperate to wear her dance costume out in public (OK, well she still does that!). The only problem for me was that it was a hot pink body suit with a tutu with hot pink sequins with a furry pink teddy bear on the front.  I tried to convince her not to wear it but she was not having any of that. She didn’t see anything wrong with wearing the costume to take her older sister to school. She was only three years old and had her own fashion sense (and still does to be honest).

In fact she still likes to wear dance costumes out in public. After this year’s dance recital she wore one of her costumes to school, it was a very nice pink with black polka dot dress and a few weeks ago she wore a much more glittery costume out to her sister’s final soccer game. She loved it but her older sister didn’t feel the same, “She is so embarrassing”, said my oldest daughter!

So here is the question, how much of a stink to you make when your child wants to wear something that offends your fashion sense? Or worse, is just down right offensive? And what do you do when it comes to a school day and your son or daughter is convince their outfit is the best ever but in your opinion falls short of that? Do you let it go or do you make that your battle for the day?

Sarah Jensen is a mother of five. She has four girls and one boy. She has had more than her share of battles over clothes. She says when her older daughters were young (they are now 19, 20 and 22), she  would lay out their clothes. With her younger daughter and son (they are now 10 and 12) she let them pick their own clothes.

“If I could do it again, I would let my older girls have this responsibility earlier,” she says. “They each have their own fashion sense and it is part of discovering who they are when they are allowed to demonstrate this.”

Jensen says she would give advice when needed, for example on colours that might not go well together.  If the clothes are really inappropriate then she insists on them changing. “This gets more challenging as they get older but I believe it is my job to guide them in the direction of self-respect,” Jensen says.

Wendy Silva is a mom of two girls aged eight and six.  Her girls have a lot of input on what they buy.  Silva says when they go clothes shopping they let the kids choose what they like but if something isn’t appropriate, they use it as a teaching moment to talk about why Mom and Dad feel it is not a good choice.

AMW took to Facebook to hear what other parents had to say about the battle over fashion.

“Oh we’ve been there. Two thoughts I keep in mind: let kid’s express their creative output now before the ‘corporate world’ dictates how they are to dress and sometimes kids need to learn the hard way (as in I’ve let my child where short pants on a really cold day for her to realize it wasn’t the wisest move. Seems to resonate more than mom telling her not to).”  ~ Carrie Anne Watson-Badov

“I usually let my kids choose their own outfits entirely, provided they are seasonally appropriate. I have bigger battles to fight.” ~ Cynthia K Crumb

“I am the same as Cynthia. I get the girls up each morning and the only time I step in is if one of them says “Daddy does this match?” or when they try to pull something out of the laundry hamper.” ~ Craig Silva

“Our girls recently started really expressing a desire to choose their own things. Earlier in the week they needed new indoor shoes so off we go to buy some. They both picked out these white Mary Jane running shoes with fluorescent yellow soles and fluorescent pink, yellow and orange polka dots. They look like clown shoes – but I let them get them anyways. Doesn’t hurt anyone and gives them a sense of independence so why not.” ~ Leslie Uhrin-McCormick

Here are four tips to help you limit the battles over fashion with your kids:

Shop Smart

The key is to make sure that your child’s closet and dresser is full of clothes that you are both happy with. If you start with buying clothes that you feel are acceptable and appropriate then the battle of inappropriate clothes will not exist. The battle over fashion sense and colour selection is a whole different matter and one that is purely independent and individual.

Inspire Creativity

Let your kids learn to express themselves with their clothes. If you have loaded their closet with clothes that are acceptable then let your kids pick what to wear, as long as it is weather appropriate. Let them express themselves. It is a safe way for them to be creative. If they are not hurting anyone and no one is getting hurt then let them go with it!

Inspire Independence

Letting your kids pick out their own clothes for the day will give them a sense of responsibility and power.  If you child is very young help them by pulling two different outfits for them to choose from. That way you are guiding them but still allowing them to make the final choice.

Pick Your Battles

When it comes to fashion you really need to pick your battles (in my opinion). If your child isn’t in danger, isn’t going to get hurt and isn’t going to hurt anyone else by their choice of pants and T-shirt then don’t worry about it. Let them have some independence and express their creativity. They will find their own style and find out what works for them and what doesn’t – imagine a bright combination of neon coloured top, striped pants, socks with sandals and a winter hat for example!

Do you care what your kids wear to school? Do you let them pick their own clothes?

Christy Laverty is a mother and an editor for a Toronto all news radio station. She also does freelance writing for several parenting magazines. Visit Christy’s blog where she updates the trials, tribulations, and fun of being mom of two beautiful girls.