Centreville, Centre Island Early 1980s
2010
Here is my first vlog post! Of course, with all the talk about the upcoming 2010 BlogHer in New York City, I had to respond… and I didn’t feel like writing it. So instead of putting fingers to the keyboard, I busted out my video camera and voila! Go easy on me :/
by Christy Laverty and Laurel Crossley-Byers
Ever have one of those days? Ok I know silly question. I don’t think there is a Mom out there that doesn’t have the odd day where she is overloaded, overwhelmed and can’t get focused. You know the days that I am talking about, where the kids are home, screaming, the sink is full of dishes, the laundry is piling up, you haven’t vacuumed in days (ok, weeks) and not to mention the work you promised someone days ago. For me that work is often freelance work, articles that I have offered and the deadline is fast approaching or already gone and the work is not finished yet. It is getting me a bit stressed just writing about it.
Whether you are a stay at home Mom or a Mom who works outside the home, we all face challenges of work overload. There are days where you just can’t get it all done and feel the heavy burden that you put on your back.
Well, I have had more than a few of those days lately so I decided to talk to other Moms. What I realized is that we Moms share a lot of similar issues when it comes to being overloaded, overwhelmed and unable to take a few moments for ourselves to refocus and get back on track. So I asked an expert for a little help, life coach and owner of Opti-Mom Laurel Crossley-Byers.
So here is the thing, we as Moms often spend so much time focusing on other people – kids, spouses, partners, clients, employees, customers – that we forget that we also need to take care of ourselves. I am one of those very Moms. I have a hard time taking time for myself but that is one of the things Crossley-Byers says Moms need to do. She says we need to take time away from the kids.
I know what you are thinking. I can hear the comments already (or should I say the excuses); you don’t have the time, you don’t have a babysitter, I don’t have the money for a babysitter. And those are all valid reasons but as I have realized lately, there is only so long that you can ignore yourself because you eventually crash under the load. Crossley-Byers stresses it is important to surround yourself with a strong support network of friends and resources that you can turn to.
One key thing that I took away from my conversation with Laurel Crossley-Byers is the importance of being proactive. Don’t wait until you are completely overwhelmed and screaming at the top of your lungs because you just went over the edge. You know those days. You have them I know you do. Know how I know? It’s because I have them too, we all do.
All good Moms have bad days but if we work towards nourishing ourselves, with the help of family and friends then we are one step closer to having a happier, healthier and more balanced self. It is all about nourishing self and reconnecting with who you are.
So when all is said and done the important thing to remember is that it is always a work in progress. We are all striving to be better Moms, better wives, better friends; just plain better at everything we do. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember there is a community of Moms out there willing, wanting, to support you.
Christy Laverty is a mother and an editor for a Toronto all news radio station. She also does freelance writing for several parenting magazines. Visit Christy’s blog where she updates the trials, tribulations, and fun of being mom of two beautiful girls.
Laurel Crossley-Byers, is a life coach and founder Opti-Mom. Visit her website for Mom Coaching, Seminars and Workshops.
Written by Cathy B.
Nope. Not pregnant. I’m just eating for two… me and my toddler.
I find ever since I’ve been an official stay-at-home mom, I spend a lot of time in the kitchen. Washing. Prepping. Slicing. Dicing. Cooking. Eating. Snacking. Cleaning. (Cleaning, by the way, also means polishing off my two-year-old’s leftovers.) What can I say, I hate waste. But, if I keep this up, I know I’ll hate my waist even more!
Here are 5 small things I’ve done to put the “Bon” back in “Appetit.”
For me…
1. I started to either brush my teeth before I cook or chew gum while I’m cooking so I don’t feel the urge to splurge before we eat.
2. Instead of eating my daughter’s leftovers after I’ve eaten, I pack them in my husband’s lunchbox for the next day. Or if it’s bread, I’ll make a trip to the park with my daughter and feed them to the birds. (With all that wing flapping going on, they can use the extra carbs).
3. If my toddler snacks, I generally have peeled carrots, celery and cucumbers at hand so I can join her without the extra calories. (Dipping them in low-fat tzatziki dip gives them a little zip).
4. I drink a big glass of milk or eat a banana a half hour before I cook so I feel full while I’m prepping the meal.
5. Ok, who can be perfect all the time? I sneak in chips every now and then. Portion controlled snack packs (generally 100 calories) are a great friend when I’ve had a crusty day!
For my toddler…
1. These days, meat isn’t one of my daughter’s favourite things, but quesadillas are. So, I cut up meat in really small pieces, add cheese and wrap it in a tortilla flat bread. I’ll bake it for about 5 minutes (or until the cheese melts) and ta da… she’s eating meat.
2. I sneak in vegetables any way I can. She likes pasta, so I’ll puree carrots in the tomato sauce. She likes scrambled eggs, so I’ll puree cauliflower in.
3. Catch up with Ketchup! Most kids love the act of dipping, so if I see she’s not eating, I’ll put a small container of ketchup next to her dish and it sometimes works. She’s even dipped asparagus in there!
4. Since getting kids to the table can be a bit of a tug of war, I pick up her favourite stuffed animal or toy and pretend it is telling her to eat with them at the table because they’re hungry. I’ll pretend it’s walking to the kitchen and say, “Follow me” in a jovial manner. All of a sudden, mealtime seems fun.
5. Be a good example! Kids watch their parents and pick up healthy habits. I try to eat a lot of the same foods that I’m pushing on her so she learns from the best… moi!
by Tracy S.
I am not a religious person. And I didn’t think I was that spiritual either.
I’m just a mom – insert horrific stare here– trying to keep my head above water and balance my kids, marriage, and empty checkbook. Today was a particularly trying day. I realized that, for the first time, we may not be able to pay our mortgage on time. This terrified me. And, me being the mother of the year that I am, tried everything in my power to keep my dread, my fear, and my anxieties away from my kids. Keyword being tried.
While attempting to whip up a Betty Crocker worthy dinner, I allowed my sons, Preston and Carter, aged 2 and 3 and a half, to play with play doh and watch Tom & Jerry in the living room. Usually this is a highly supervised activity and it did start out to be. Carter was watching Tom & Jerry quietly, besides the giggles, and I had made Preston a little brown ball that he was rolling around on the mat we lay out when we use the play doh. The rule is simple. Keep the playdoh on the mat…NOWHERE ELSE. Yeah, I see you smirking, you THINK you know where this is heading. Well you’re right. Somewhat.
So I left the boys, and went into the kitchen. Not five minutes later, I hear the boys dragging a box of cars into the living room to play with. Typically this wouldn’t bother me, as the parade of playroom toys making their way to the living room and back are a daily ritual that I look forward to like a root canal. But it was then that I realized the play doh was still out and when we are DONE with play doh it is put away until the dreaded next time it is dragged out (I still have embedded chunks in our rug that is beneath the mat I mentioned. Go figure).
Here is where I forget to mention that they are wrestling with the box and, well, being kids, so I tell them in my Suzy Homemaker tone “We are going to put the play doh away before playing with the cars.” I then discover, as we are putting away the jars, the brown jar is half full. I ask nicely “Preston, where is the brown ball of play doh?” He answers me in true two year old fashion by handing me a blue monster truck. I am now paranoid and my eyes are scanning the room feverishly, looking for the brown ball of play doh. I announce “We are not watching Tom & Jerry until the brown ball of play doh is found!!” And I pause the TV.
And I look. And I look. And I do not see it.
What I see is red.
And you are probably reading this saying, “This woman is about to go postal over a brown ball of play doh…seriously??” However, today is not a typical day. Today is the day that all my fears and stresses seem to be becoming reality and internally I am falling apart because, well, let’s face it, you want to be able to provide for your kids and it seems like we are having a hard time doing just that.
So I am on a rampage now. Freaking out…screaming, “Where is the brown ball of play doh?!?” Like a blubbering mental patient. The kids are half ass looking and I am thinking “Great. Now I have to explain this to my husband when he gets home, right after I drop the “we are broke” bomb. Good times.
So I sit.
On my kitchen floor.
Knees drawn to my chest.
Crying.
And I do what I always do when faced with these breakdown situations. I ask for help. Not from God. But from my dad. Even after he passed, he is the one I look to for help in times like these.
And the house is dead silent because the TV is paused. And I hear Preston in the living room doing anything but looking for the brown ball of play doh. I put my head down and cry more, thankful my kids are too busy to notice.
When I look up, my Carter has quietly walked into the kitchen and he looks at my bloodshot mother of the year eyes and he drops the brown ball of play doh in the palm of my hand. “It was on the chugga chugga choo choo train table” – a place I looked several times.
We embrace.
Like mother and son.
Like father and daughter.
Thanks dad.
Tracy S. is a stay at home, wife and mother to two boys, Carter and Preston. She lives in New Jersey and enjoys writing, reading, tweeting, and cooking. She has her own blog she barely touches. She is a Special Education teacher looking to enter back into the workforce…just as soon as someone lets her back in.
Can you feel the heat? Along with the hot summer sun and heat comes lots of showing skin.
Here are some natural tips to keep you looking fresh and glowing:
1. Exfoliate! Use a buff pad to slough off dry skin. If you don’t have an exfoliate product, than make your own by mixing olive oil with a half cup of sugar.
2. Apply sunscreen daily to your face, neck and chest – of course! But don’t forget your lips – use a lip gloss with SPF.
3. Stay hydrated. Drink tons of water. For some extra zest (and good for detoxing), cut some lemon wedges into a tall glass of ice water and mint leaves.
4. For natural highlights, comb some lemon juice through your hair before sitting out in the sun to achieve that natural sun–kissed look.
5. Need a quick hair repair? Spritz some leave–in conditioner on your strands and let your hair go wild.
6. Give yourself a homemade facial mask. Mix 1 tablespoons of honey with 1 tablespoon of plain yogurt. Leave on for fifteen minutes and wash off.
7. Apply Vitamin C serum on your face several times a week. Don’t forget your throat. You can also make your own (search online for recipes).
8. Once a week, apply 100% Vitamin E oil on your skin as well.
9. At the end of a long summer day, soak in a sea salt bath which is a natural skin exfoliater, with a glass of….
10. Red wine! Studies show red wine helps with your mental and cardiovascular health.
Happy Summer!
by Kathy Buckworth
“I yam what I yam and that’s all what I yam.”
Or so Popeye used to say in the cartoons I watched when I was a kid. And while there’s something comical and fun about these words, I believe they really do sum up how each of us starts life with certain characteristics that we can never really let go. My Mom gave birth to me in about two hours flat and she said “You came out fast and you really haven’t stopped since.” I could describe how each of my four kids’ births define them, but it would likely segueway into some discussion involving bodily fluids and other gross descriptors.
Instead, I’d going to analyze the traits we see our children displaying from toddlerhood up, and the potential careers that might be naturals for them, incorporating both their positive and challenging personality quirks.
1. Judge: For the kids whose mantra is “It’s not fair!”, this would be the perfect position to allow them to see that while indeed Life is Not Fair, they at least would get to help out someone, plaintiff or defendant, whose entire argument consists of “It’s not fair. You like him better.”
2. Lawyer: Requires great skills of negotiation (“Just one more cookie?”), tenacity (“Please please please please please”), and, let’s just say it, the ability to push one’s own agenda through (“I won’t tell Joey about the last cookie. He doesn’t need to know.”) Also excellent at getting Mom and Dad to take physical dares at cocktail hour. (My toe is healing nicely, thanks.)
3. People Manager: Must have the ability to listen to many sides, negotiate with kindness and fairness, give tough evaluations with a gentle hand, and know when to make difficult choices in delegation and rewards
. (Note these same qualities are also awesome for Mothers, especially those on the PTA, to have.)
4. The Arts: Perfect for the child who excels at writing on walls, making guns out of toast, using all the scotch tape and cardboard in the house to make the best parking garage, squirting toothpaste in the style of Monet, and skilled at the ability to imitate Mom and Dad when dancing, singing, or “parenting”.
5. Scientist/Engineer/Inventor: This is a terrific profession for “The Why Guy”. Most families have at least one of these. The little person who says “Why?” about 27 times an hour. We call my Why Guy “Question Boy”, and he wants to be an engineer when he grows up. He thinks they are superheroes. With pocket protectors.
6. Government Employee: If you’ve got a child who loves to line up a bunch of little cars on one side of the room, just to move them across to the other side to line them all up again, you might just have the perfect candidate for an Ottawa job. If you spent 200% more for the cars than you had to, you’re in for sure.
No matter what our kids choose to do when they grow up, or more to the point, whatever chooses them, here’s one more piece of advice: they could grow up to be a writer, like me. It could be your word against his…and his sister the lawyer.
Kathy Buckworth’s latest book is “Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay”, and is available everywhere books are sold. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com or follow Kathy on Twitter
by Christine LaRocque
When I was a younger I was a much more confident woman. My youth afforded me a certain innocence that empowered me to be bold about my beliefs, to be forthright and to speak openly and from the heart. If I felt strongly about an issue, I was never afraid to stand behind the strength of my convictions. I was a newshound, a political junky. I was conscious of the world around me. I could argue endlessly with people, sometimes based on knowledge, but mostly just because I believed in something.
In retrospect, I remember it being a powerful feeling. I was never afraid to just speak. I never worried about what others thought because I was so sure of myself. I was brave. Somewhere along the line I lost that.
The thing is, until recently, I wasn’t even aware that I had lost this core part of myself. It was so lost, I didn’t even miss it. Returning to work after a second maternity leave, blogging, social media, and being more connected than ever has reminded me what it is to have passion, to feel fulfilled by knowledge. I’ve read countless personal accounts from those who feel strongly about an issue, felt their conviction and been moved by it. I’ve been in awe of the confidence of others, how bravely they stand behind what is important to them. Slowly, I’ve been reminded that I too was once like that. So strange, it has been like a light bulb inside of me, burning dully but growing brighter each day, an awakening that inspires me to find that part of myself once again.
I can speculate as to why I’ve been enveloped in a cocoon. Certainly pregnancy and the birth of my two sons have played a significant part. Babies, motherhood, I believe can render us numb to the outside world. They need us so completely that it can be difficult to separate ourselves, to step beyond meeting their basic needs and being available completely, emotionally and physically. Often I’ve felt there was nothing left of me to give beyond mothering my children. There is simply so little time left to be passionate for anything else.
As women and mothers our lives are often defined by the things we do for others. We put the needs of others first and our own are often last. We say yes to caring for our children, nurturing relationships with our partners or our friends, our careers, managing a house, writing our blogs, helping a neighbour or a family member, volunteering, social responsibilities, yes to endless responsibilities. I say yes to all of these things. I must.
And yet, I never feel like I’ve done enough and constantly feel overwhelmed. All of these roles, most that are about who we are to others, define us, shape us, and make us whole. Without them, I daresay, we would lose ourselves. How odd is that? To feel overwhelmed and beholden while at the same time fulfilled. Where is the middle ground?
I think I’ve moved to a safe place. I’ve become more hesitant about exposing my passion for fear of ridicule, of being wrong, of not being liked. It’s absurd really, and yet it’s true. While I should have become more confident as I’ve grown older, in fact, quite the opposite is true. I am afraid to put myself out there. I worry that what I have to say is of little value. I’m weak for fear of criticism.
Not long ago, a wise woman said to me: You need to learn to live more from your heart and less from your mind. If you can do that you will find your centre and feel stronger in your life.
How profound, complex and significant. Yes, that is the woman I want to be!
There is much I must do and learn on my quest to find myself in my 30’s. I believe though, that the most fundamental missing part is a piece I once possessed and somehow lost along the way.
My confidence. My sense of self. An understanding of who I am as a woman, as an individual.
I’m moving forward with a goal of re-familiarizing myself with the things that once fuelled my passion. I want to live in a world that I know. I want to feel passionate about things once again. Motherhood is important to me. But I’m important to me too.
How do you fuel your passion? Do you step out of your shell and stand firm in the strength of your convictions? Are you afraid to speak what you believe for fear that you will be judged or do you say who cares what others think? Do you feel you’ve lost yourself in the journey that is motherhood? Do you know who you are? Or are you still looking?
Christine LaRocque is a full-time communications professional and mother to two boys under five. She blogs at www.coffeesandcommutes.com where she discusses the roles she plays in her life while trying to find a better sense of self. There is no specific formula to what she writes. Sometimes it’s about self-discovery and inspiration and other times she shares thoughts and observations on surviving motherhood.
by Sarah Carmichael
I have been conflicted about deciding to be a working mother or a stay at home mother since before I had my son. Even though I entertained the idea of working outside the home, I always knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to spend my days with my kids, teach them, feed them, and watch them grow.
When my son was 10 months old, my maternity leave ended and I went back to work. Six months later, my contract wasn’t renewed due to lack of funding. I was beyond relieved. At that point, I really didn’t think I would go back into the workforce. I remember thinking that I would never have to do another job interview. Naive, I suppose.
I didn’t expect to be sitting here today with multiple tabs open in my browser advertising an assortment of job opportunities, each simultaneously holding promise and dread. It has become painfully obvious that staying at home is longer an option for me, financially. It is no longer a choice. And so begins the soul-sapping process of searching for income.
Nothing seems to offer enough salary. At least, not enough to cover full-time care for my son. How do families do this? Child care is expensive! I went to an interview for one job and after doing the math, realized that an entire paycheck would go to child care. A full 2 weeks of work to pay for someone else to care for my son. As much as we need the second paycheck, I can’t get over that I would be working in order to be able to pay someone else to do what I want to do – be with my son and spend the little time with him that he has before he starts school. It just doesn’t sit right with me. It doesn’t make sense.
So, here I sit fully buried by this conundrum that so many parents face. How do I provide for my son while also giving him what he and I need most? Time.
I know that I am not the only person capable of caring for my son. I don’t deny that he could benefit from more exposure to children his own age. Admittedly, he could benefit a lot from that. I actually think he needs that. He is ready for that. But, not full-time.
What I need is a part-time job that pays enough to cover part-time care and then some. Do those kinds of jobs even exist? I have my doubts.
In the meantime, here I sit scouring the internet for the perfect job. The job I don’t want, but the job I need.
