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Featured

I’m a Tired and Frustrated Mom

November 3, 2011

by an Anonymous Mom

I wanted to start a blog about being a mom.

Not a happy mom.

An annoyed frustrated bored mom.

A mom who is just tired of being a mom.

A mom who is just tired of all the boring day to day bits.

A mom who feels like she is drowning in other people’s lives.

Not that she had such great life before being a mom. It was too much work, too much booze, too much of everything. I was not as happy as I wanted to think I was but I had a HELL of a lot of fun.

But it was just me and me alone. I am tired of trying to make everyone happy.

I am sure I am not the only one.

All moms talk about is how their kids are the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. How can that be? Why don’t I feel that?

I did. At least I think I did when she was born but now I count the days (years) until she is going to university. Or wherever life takes her.

I love her. I truly do. She is a fantastic kid she is well behaved, polite, smart, funny, beautiful, loves to read and draw, and has an incredible imagination.

But I am not sure that I give her enough positive stuff and support. I feel like I am always nagging and always complaining and it wears me down.

I have horrible memories of my mom never being there for me. I have never felt she was ever. Even though we are close now I still don’t feel as though I can share anything with her.

I carry huge resentment about it. I try to make like it doesn’t matter but it clearly does. I don’t want her to grow up resenting me.

I don’t want to be this person anymore. I need to find the happy place again.

News

Toxic Baby Shampoo: Johnson & Johnson Pressured to Remove Chemical from Baby Shampoo

November 2, 2011

More than two years after leading health and parents’ groups asked Johnson & Johnson to reformulate its flagship baby shampoo to remove a chemical that releases formaldehyde, a known carcinogen, the company is still using the formaldehyde-releasing ingredient in Johnson’s Baby Shampoo in the United States, Canada and China, while making formaldehyde-free versions of the shampoo in several other countries, according to a new analysis conducted by the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics.

“Clearly there is no need for Johnson & Johnson to expose babies to a known carcinogen when the company is already making safer alternatives. All babies deserve safer products,” said Lisa Archer, director of the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics at the Breast Cancer Fund.

Yesterday, after Johnson & Johnson received word of the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics report, the company released a statement saying it is no longer introducing new products with formaldehyde-releasing preservatives and has reduced its use of the chemical by 60 percent in the U.S. market and 33 percent globally over the past few years.

“We know that some consumers are concerned about formaldehyde, which is why we offer many products without formaldehyde releasing preservatives, and are phasing out these types of preservatives in our baby products worldwide,” said the statement.

Archer commented, “We’re glad to see that the Johnson & Johnson is taking this seriously. This commitment is a big step in the right direction. We look forward to the day when we can tell consumers the company’s entire product line is free of carcinogens and other chemicals of concern.”

For the new analysis, entitled Baby’s Tub Is Still Toxic, the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics purchased and reviewed labels of Johnson’s Baby Shampoo sold in 13 countries to see if the products contained quaternium-15, a chemical preservative that kills bacteria by releasing formaldehyde.

Formaldehyde was recently added to the U.S. government list of known human carcinogens by the National Toxicology Program, under the Department of Health and Human Services. Formaldehyde and quaternium-15 are also potent allergens that can trigger rashes and other skin inflammation problems. According to a peer-reviewed paper in the Journal of the Dermatology Nurses’ Association, quaternium-15 is “the most sensitizing formaldehyde-releasing preservative and has been repeatedly shown to be a strong allergen that can cause contact dermatitis.”

The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics analysis reveals that Johnson’s Baby Shampoo sold in the United States, Australia, Canada, China and Indonesia contains quaternium-15, while Johnson’s Baby Shampoo formulas sold in Denmark, Finland, Japan, the Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Sweden and the U.K. contain non-formaldehyde preservatives.

“The American Nurses Association has adopted a precautionary approach based on the Precautionary Principle. In this application, even in the face of scientific uncertainty, if a chemical is strongly suspected of potential harm, it should be exchanged for a safer substitute,” said Amy Garcia M.S.N., R.N., C.A.E., Chief Programs Officer, Executive Office, American Nurses Association.

“Preventing toxic chemical exposures before they happen is the keystone of corporate responsibility. We call on Johnson & Johnson to remove carcinogenic formaldehyde from its products. It’s time to protect all children, regardless of their nationality,” said Peter Wilk, M.D., executive director of Physicians for Social Responsibility.

In May 2009, ANA and PSR joined the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics and many other health and environmental groups in formally asking Johnson & Johnson to reformulate its baby products after lab tests revealed that Johnson’s Baby Shampoo contained two carcinogens—formaldehyde and 1,4-dioxane—that were not listed on labels.

In September 2009, the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics wrote again to Johnson & Johnson, asking the company to immediately remove the formaldehyde-releasing chemical quaternium-15 from its baby products in light of new research linking the chemical to increased rates of allergic contact dermatitis.

The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics and ANA have since met several times with Johnson & Johnson executives to discuss these concerns.

In response to consumer demand, the company launched a new “natural” version of baby shampoo that does not contain chemicals associated with formaldehyde or 1,4-dioxane. However, the original Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, which is priced at about one-half the cost of the new “natural” shampoo, has not been reformulated in the U.S. market.

Yesterday, the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics—along with the American Nurses Association, Physicians for Social Responsibility and more than 20 other parents’ and health groups representing more than 3 million people—sent another letter to Johnson & Johnson, asking the company to remove formaldehyde-releasing chemicals from all its children’s products in all markets worldwide and replace them with safer alternatives. The letter asked for the company to make a commitment by November 15.

“While it is encouraging to see that Johnson & Johnson has made progress in formulating a safer ‘natural’ version of its iconic baby shampoo, now is the time for the company to rise to the occasion and make the safer products the world market is demanding for all its customers.” said Archer.

Featured

Moms Get Sick Too: Tips On Staying Healthy

November 2, 2011

by Christy Laverty

I have been writing a lot this past month about sickness. It seems every year since my kids started going to school September comes along and we spend weeks in our house sick. Runny noses, sore throats, and coughs are the name of the game. This year has been no different.

Actually, there was one small difference this year, the sickness started before September and the start of school. My oldest daughter and I were both very sick in August. We both ended up with bronchitis and were put on antibiotics and since then we have all been taking turns getting sick. My youngest daughter even ended up with an ear infection and she was put on antibiotics. And then I spent another week with a terrible cold, with a serious head cold and sore throat. I even took two days off work.

But here is the thing, there is really no such as a true sick day for Mom. Kids still need to be fed, dressed and cleaned. So when Mom is sick, who takes care of her? Most often there is no one to take care of her because she is too busy taking care of everyone and everything else.

So how does Mom stay healthy? There are lots of ways. It is important for moms to take care of themselves. We need to start taking care of ourselves. If Mom isn’t healthy then she can’t take care of everyone else.

“Moms are important role models to their kids especially their daughters; imagine if their daughters (after all Mom’s hard work of making sure she eats right, exercises, has a social life) follows in her footsteps and starts to neglect herself. How would that make mom feel? Most moms would never compromise their child’s health and well-being EVER”, says life coach Laurel Crossley-Byers.

There are few things that we all can do (many of which I know I should do but often forget to do) to stay healthy. There are three basics that I think are essential: get enough sleep, eat right and exercise.

Let’s face it, some days it can be a challenge to do all three of those simple, basic things. We should all be getting 6 to 8 hours of sleep each and every night. Experts suggest going to bed at the same time and/or get up at the same time. It can help you keep a healthy sleep routine.

Something else that can help is to unplug at night, leave the phone downstairs, turn off the TV or leave it out of the bedroom all together, and make sure your bedroom is a cool, dark den for you to be able to shut off your brain.

We all know eating healthy can lead to a healthy life. Make sure you are getting all your fruits and veggies, drink lots of water and try to keep the alcohol and caffeine at a minimum, especially at night. Check out Health Canada’s Food Guide for help deciding how much of everything you should be eating.

Last but not least is exercise (this is the one I struggle with the most). A little bit everyday helps. Take a walk at lunch, walk the kids

sneezing, coughing, flu, cold — Moms get sick too

to the park, ride your bike, there is so many things you can do. Check out ParticipACTION for lots of great information on getting fit.

OK, so now we have a few basic tips on how to stay healthy and we still fall victim to the dreaded virus that is swirling around the school. What now?

Well, Crossley-Byers says it is important to know when to ask for help. “Perhaps a generous neighbour, hubby, friend, parent or in-law can step in. I remember being so sick with the flu that my Dad drove my Mom to look after my two year old daughter. I had to have help because I was so sick. When the kids were much younger (mine are 12 and 16 now) there were times when Hubby took time off work if I was too sick” says Crossley-Byers.

It can be hard for moms to admit they need help and even harder for them to ask for help. It is important to surround yourself with good friends and family and a support network so that when you need someone to pick up the kids from school for you or drop them off at soccer you have a go to person.

And remember, return the favour. Other moms can be your greatest support. I know that I have depended on other moms more than once and I can honestly say they are lifesavers! I couldn’t survive without them. And don’t forget dad. Make sure that you are saying when you need him to step up and take more things off your plate. It is a partnership.

Great Eight Tips

1. Ask for help or enlist friends and family to find you help.

2. Establish what’s important to you that “needs” to be done. “No one will do it like you but any help when you’re sick is better than none”, says Crossley-Byers.

3. Focus on getting healthy not on what’s not getting done.

4. Let your body tell you when you need to rest and when you need to seek medical advice.

5. Maintain your yearly medical and dental check-ups.

6. Eat right. “Your eating habits are being picked up by your children even if you are feeding them”, adds Crossley-Byers.

7. Exercise. Getting active (whether with your children or not) is an important thing to model to your children.

Christy Laverty is a mother and an editor for a Toronto all news radio station. She also does freelance writing for several parenting magazines. Visit Christy’s blog where she updates the trials, tribulations, and fun of being mom of two beautiful girls.

Featured

Techy Friendships: Do You Talk to Friends on the Phone?

November 1, 2011

Recently I was thinking about friendships and I found myself thinking – when was the last time I chatted with a girlfriend on the phone for over an hour?

I talk to my mom every day because she’s my mom. But I realized that I have several friends that I rarely speak to on the phone anymore. Our only means of communication is by email or Facebook and Twitter. I don’t even know if they have my phone number.

Is this normal? Or is this simply a sign of the times?

I put the question out on Twitter (ironic, isn’t it): How many times a day/week do you talk on the phone with a girlfriend? And for how long?

The responses were varied:

@raleighcakepops 1 hour a day about 5 times a week…too much?? ..over wine

@sarahcasm I can’t remember the last time I talked to a girlfriend on the phone. I see them more often than I talk to them on the phone.

@MPMtweets At least 4 times a week min 20 mins. I have a few very good friends who do not use fb or twitter

@AmandaDeGrace Boo hardly ever 🙁 it’s all texting emails tweeting. Kind of sad though but I find now I have more friends and acquaintances and not same as “besties” like in highschool

@JennAbitbol At least daily. Time can depend. I have several friends i speak with regularly.

@Mon_W Rarely too…thanks goodness for FB or I wouldn’t know what’s going on with them. You can always catch a moment to touch base online

@nugglemama I talk to girlfriends once or twice a month. Not very often.

@seeJillrun about once a day… One GF more than others but several times a day via txt fb etc

@Jen_Banks Um…never. I only really have one IRL friend who’s close, everyone else is online. I do talk to my mom on the phone every day tho.

@smilenwaven Talk to my bff 5 out of 7 days… we can waste an hr each time – no problem! My Mom everyday also! 😉

@MumsnChums Every day…usually until one of our kids needs us!

@womenconnector phone time with a girlfriend happens 2-3 times/wk. Funny how many people want to text or FB instead. Maybe I’m old fashioned (lol), but I really don’t like having a whole convo via text. #justcallme

Old fashioned – interesting how our friendships have truly changed because of modern technology. Phone calls have been replaced with emails, texts and social media.

According to experts, the best forms of electronic media to strengthen your connection are Skype, webcams or smartphones because of the visual connection and being able to see other people’s cues.

If you are working full-time and have busy evenings at home with the kids, it may be less likely to have time to chat on the phone with friends for more than an hour. Or am I wrong?

I’m thinking that working online probably makes it easier for many to just send a quick email or tweet to your friends, since you’re already online anyways.

I’m also guessing that many who love social media enjoy the fact that it is online – perhaps more comfortable for an introvert to communicate behind a computer screen than in person?

Am I pretty accurate in my assumptions?

Do you miss chatting with your friends over the phone? Does the method in which you communicate with your friends matter, as long as you’re communicating?

Little Kids

Daycare vs Nursery School: What’s the Difference?

November 1, 2011

Written by Cathy B.

When I weighed the differences between nursery school and daycare, I have to say, nursery school always came on top. Although every school has their own set of policies, generally speaking, I found most nursery schools are more flexible and accommodating to my child’s individual needs.

There’s one nursery school in particular called Tender Years Co-operative School that should set the tone for all preschools. Here are the top five reasons why I prefer nursery school over daycare:

1. There’s no presha for the potty

I put enough pressure on myself to get the whole potty thing sorted out, so the last thing I need is a teacher telling me it’s time. When I was evaluating different schools, I realized that if they had a strict policy in place to allow ONLY potty trained children in, then they weren’t as considerate and sensitive as a school should be.

Some nursery schools, like where my own child attends, recognizes that children learn and develop at their own pace and do NOT require their students to be toilet trained to attend. If the school your child is attending pressures you to have your child potty trained, you may want to ‘can’ them! (Pun intended).

2. Full-time can equal over-time

Most daycares only offer full-time preschool programs – which is great for full-time working moms. This can be expensive! For stay-at-home-moms or for those who work part-time, there aren’t too many options to choose from when it comes to part-time schedules. Most nursery schools offer half-day programs which are more affordable and flexible than daycare hours.

3. There’s no, “Um… hi, remember me?”

Daycares generally have large classes. Nursery schools, on the other hand, have a low student-to-teacher ratio. That means each child is able to receive the individual attention suited to their own needs.

Plus, there’s plenty of opportunities to get to know the teachers and other parents personally. Some nursery schools (like Tender Years) are co-operative schools, parents are encouraged to get involved in their children’s learning experience through family participation. By interacting regularly with teachers and other families through different events and activities, parents are in-the-know and it builds a strong sense of community.

4. Your kids won’t freeze their patooty off

The thing I love most about the nursery school my daughter is enrolled in versus a regular daycare is kids are not forced to go outside in below zero weather. We live in Canada, people! It’s cold! Every daycare that I visit insists that fresh air is good for kids.

Yes, this is true… in spring, summer and fall. I don’t dispute that the outdoors is great for exercise too. However, in my opinion, recess in minus twenty-degree weather brings chills to my bones just thinking about it. I think every parent should have the option to take their kids outside on their own terms, time and temperature in the winter months!

5. You’re not paying for your kid to have “quiet time”

When I found out that most half-day nursery schools don’t have nap time, I was thrilled. Most children nap until the age of two or three, but my daughter outgrew her nap even before that. Since resting during the day delays her bedtime, I never pushed the issue. As a result, we are lucky to enjoy a good night’s rest.

At daycares, they do push the issue. This means some parents are nagging their kids to “go to bed” at night. Like most active kids, my daughter challenges ‘quiet time’. In fact, when she’s not tired, she’s extra vocal to make an unquiet point. YES… resting is absolutely and positively great for kids (parents AND teachers included). But, if kids are not willing to nap, then, in my opinion, having them lie down and stare at the ceiling for over an hour might not be the most productive way for kids to be spending their time – and you spending your money.

So, there you have it. If you live in the Mississauga/Oakville area, I highly recommend the nursery school Tender Years. Their tagline is “Where Young Minds Soar.” My daughter’s smile is a true testimony to that!

lifestyle

Does Klout Really Influence?

October 31, 2011

There has been a ton of talk recently about the changes in Klout and the uproar it has caused has been the hottest topic on Twitter.

Your Klout score is now determined by your level of activity across the various networks they score.

Klout said:

“Influence is the ability to drive action and is based on quality, not quantity. When someone engages with your content, we assess that action in the context of the person’s own activity. These principles form the basis of our PeopleRank algorithm which determines your Score based on how many people you influence, how much you influence them and how influential they are.

We analyze 2.7 billion pieces of content and connections daily. Reaching this scale, we’ve introduced significant upgrades to our platform, allowing us to handle this explosive growth. Now, we can add more networks and other sources of your influence much, much faster.”

The day that Klout changed its methods (October 27, 2011), every other tweet was bout Klout and why their scores dropped. Some were flabbergasted, worried about how their jobs might be affected.

Should we really put that much value into a Klout score? Is there really an accurate algorithm that can calculate our influence? Does it truly determine our level of influence?

According to some who work online, as bloggers for example, they believe that number is very important. @cecilyk responded to my tweet with a response that “people who hire us care”.

She made an interesting point. There are some PR agencies and brands who are looking to work with bloggers and they look at that Klout score first. Once they see that number, they then proceed to look at individual influence, ie. twitter followers and Facebook fans, etc.

However, some can argue that those agencies and brands who only look at Klout numbers to begin with, just don’t get social media at all. They obviously don’t understand how social media influence really works – it’s not the quantity, it’s the quality of fans/followers.

The presence of Klout causes people to treat Twitter strictly like a business – tweeting for the purpose of keeping up or increasing scores, following those who have a certain number of followers to increase your score, and even tweeting solely for the purpose of causing a reaction in RTs.

The problem is, many are forgetting that the joy of twitter is discovering new people and enjoying people’s words and thoughts. Twitter is meant to be social and engaging – Klout takes the fun away from that.

When you are constantly tweeting and promoting and now keeping in mind that those you follow also influence your score, it becomes overwhelming and exhausting – read my social media fatigue post.

All this noise on all of the social media platforms will eventually lead to a massive crash. This is my prediction anyway.

I’m not alone in my feelings. David Shing, the man who helps figure out future trends for AOL, is also fed up with Facebook and Twitter. He recently said that defriending and unfollowing are going to be the next big thing as users realise that the increasing “noise” on social networks is counterproductive.

Let’s just hope that Twitter doesn’t suffer because of Klout and that it ends up with a fate like MySpace.

What do you think?

Big Kids

Ask Dr. G: How Can Parents Help Kids Through Evening Rush?

October 28, 2011

Last time, Dr. G answered the question: Why are children so well-behaved at school but when they come home, they become little terrors?

Q: So how can parents help kids through the evening rush, or the so-called “witching hour”?

A: Routine, consistency and a sense of humor.

I am absolutely convinced that THIS is why cocktails are served starting at 5pm. Children the world over completely lose their minds just when it is time to get dinner on the table, help with the hardest part of homework, straighten up and get out the door to an evening activity.

First of all, FEED your kids. It is hard to put a snack and dinner on the table, both for practical and emotional reasons. One way to get around this is by making the dinner vegetable first and putting it on the table with small cocktail napkins or plates as an appetizer. You don’t feel like you cooked twice, and you don’t mind them ruining their appetite with vegetables – as a matter of fact, that will make you feel like a rockstar parent! If they are hungry it is there, if not you can invite them to stop bugging you about food!

Second of all, make your expectations clear. Make a plan for yourself and maybe post a list on the fridge about who is going to help in what way each night. Tuesday night: Joey has soccer so he needs to do his homework right after school. Lia helps set the table and Marco plays with the baby while mom cooks. Wed night different schedule so different responsibilities? Whatever works for you. Just plan it out and be consistent. And then, on the nights it all falls apart, try to find a reason to laugh!

What works in your house? Please share your tips in the comments!

Why are children so well-behaved at school but when they come home, they become little terrors?

Dr. Deborah Gilboa is a Board Certified family physician, mother of four, and a professional parenting writer and speaker (for parents, community & business). Her signature individualized workshop, “How to Get the Behavior You Want, Without Being the Parent You Hate” captivates parents through her humorous straight talk, which lifts the guilt out of parenting. Her mission is to help parents raise children they can respect and admire. Visit her website.

Motherhood

Old School Blogging: #OSB

October 27, 2011

YOU ARE INVITED!

What:

Old School Blogging: Write because you love to write. Blog because you love to tell stories. I’ve been feeling a shift in the blogging/social media community and I think it’s pretty awesome.

Why:

Bloggers are so inundated by brands and PR pitches nowadays that we are craving to go back to the time when blogging was done just for the love of writing. Some of you may still need or want to monetize your blog and that’s absolutely fine but let’s not forget content and the quality of writing.

Let’s go back to the days when the blogging community was huge and supportive and the only means of communication with others on the internet, before Facebook and Twitter.

How:

Use the hashtag #OSB when Tweeting your posts, which will encourage others to read and comment on the blog post, not on Twitter or Facebook. Using #OSB will also encourage bloggers to build upon this #OSB community.

Visit other blogs! Comment! Make a point of visiting at least two blogs a day and leaving two comments.

When: Starting now.

Hashtag: #OSB

Won’t you join me?

Thanks to @AliMartell @bitofmomsense @missfish and @MrsLoulou for sharing opinions about this topic on Twitter.

News

BPA Exposure in Pregnancy Linked to Behaviour of Toddler Girls, New Study

October 27, 2011

BPA is in the news again, this time linking it to young girls.

BPA, a chemical used widely in plastic bottles, metal cans and other consumer products could be linked to behavioural and emotional problems in toddler girls, according to a U.S. government-funded study published online in the journal, Pediatrics.

Mothers with high levels of bisphenol A (BPA) in their urine were more likely to report that their children were hyperactive, aggressive, anxious, depressed and less in control of their emotions than mothers with low levels of the chemical.

“While several studies have linked BPA to behavioral problems in children, this report is the first to suggest that a young girl’s emotional well-being is linked to her mother’s exposure during pregnancy rather than the child’s exposure after birth,” wrote Dina ElBoghdady in an article on the study.

“Girls were more sensitive to the chemical in the womb than boys, maybe because BPA mimics the female hormone estrogen, which is thought to play a role in behavioral development.”

The study tracked 224 moms in the Cincinnati area and their three-year-olds. The results add to growing research that suggests exposure to BPA poses health risks in humans.

While the federal government has long maintained that low doses of BPA are safe, the Food and Drug Administration and other federal agencies are taking a closer look and investing in more research about the chemical’s health effects.

Motherhood

Blogging Social Media Conferences: Bliss or Miss?

October 26, 2011

This October, BlissDom Canada held its second blogging and social media conference for women in Toronto. Blogging, public relations and social media professionals gathered together at the Hilton for two days of networking, business development, community building and inspiration.

Many who attended have written about their experiences post-conference. Some shared their bliss while others shared what they missed.

I didn’t attend the conference last year but I can say with confidence that in just a year, blogging and social media has changed so much. This is the reason why I think perhaps the conference resonated differently with so many.

And every year will prove to be different. We should never expect to get comfortable in this online industry because it is constantly evolving.

It’s tough to pack two full days of topics that cover the entire scope of blogging and social media. But I think BlissDom did a wonderful job of covering some key points: the art and the business of blogging/social media.

Having said that, I probably should have pulled a George Costanza – remember the episode where he decided to do the opposite of what he thought he wanted?

Rather than attending the business/monetization sessions, I realized afterwards what my soul really craved was the much-needed inspiration that I would have likely received from the creative/writing sessions.

The success stories shared were inspiring and wonderful to hear but I think some would have loved to hear even more about how those successes came to be, including the challenges and mistakes along the way.

The social aspect of the conference is what draws many; I enjoyed seeing online friends and meeting new ones. The networking and connecting in real life is the most fun of all.

Although it may have seemed to some that the wave of the future is bloggers/social media personalities partnering with brands, I think the conference showed that many are going back to #OSB – Old School Blogging. Many attended simply – and refreshingly – for the love of writing.

The conference is just a part of much larger picture – that blogging and social media in general is shifting. Whether you are a brand, blogger, social media specialist or PR person, it’s important for all to remember that everyone will take away something different from blogging and social media conferences.

And while the industry is constantly changing, knowing that, embracing it and enjoying the natural flow, along with maintaining one’s authenticity, is the key to success.