by Julie Watson
Our kids whisper to us every day. We can choose to hear them, or we can brush the whispers off as ‘they’re just being kids’. Sometimes they speak at normal levels, sometimes they scream it at us, but whatever the method, there is always a message.
My kids whisper to me constantly, and I will confess, I don’t always have the time, patience or awareness to really hear what they are saying to me. I am not talking about not understanding them because, for example, my 22 month old calls a banana a “ballalalalala”, or a soother a “sooey”. I am talking about how perceptive they are, and how they comment in their own, innocent and primitive way what they observe in their lives, and need from us…their caregivers, role models and nurturers (not to put the pressure on).
The other day we were packing up to take a long awaited trip to Disney World. I wasn’t even aware that my son, 7, who was engaged in Star Wars Lego action figures, and my daughter, 5, who was re-enacting High School Musical, were even paying attention to me. (just so you know… kids HEAR everything). As I was running through the list of things we needed to bring in my head, I looked at my computer and thought…but apparently said out loud, “hmmmmm….nope, I am NOT going to bring my computer.”
Both kids stood up from what they were doing, jumped up and down and cheered loudly, “YAY!!!!”.
I almost cried. Seriously. I heard them. No, I mean I really heard them. What I heard were 2 kids who needed their mom’s undivided attention…for a change.
You see my computer is set up in the dining room, so I can conveniently do work while they play, watch TV, do homework, essentially so I can multi-task. Even though they might be busy doing their own thing, and I just happen to pop on my computer to check email, or facebook, all they see is ME on my computer, not spending that time with them.
Then they see me when I am doing official work in the evening, and they also see me checking my emails in the morning, so I can be prepared for my day. They wanted me to be right there, present for whatever they might throw my way.
I could have chosen to laugh it off, or assume they were just being ‘needy, selfish kids’, not understanding that my computer is my life blood…(well, maybe it shouldn’t be…), but I didn’t, I chose to hear them and use this vacation to catch-up on some missed opportunities, and time spent with my kids, without saying, “just a second, just let me check this email, just let me write this story, just let me save this file…”
A friend of mine who recently went back to work full-time after her second child, has tried to maintain the same at home balance from her time at home with the kids. She drops her kids off at 7:00 in the morning, and picks them up in time to get home by 5pm, prepare a full, fresh dinner, bathe, play and bed the kids by 7pm, do laundry, clean house, and organize social activities with a husband who works long hours and fiddles with home improvements (sometimes handy to have…though not while you are knee deep in diapers and dishes).
We recently had plans to meet up for dinner. Before she could get out the door, she rolled her hair into curlers, made dinner for the kids, cleaned the dishes and prepped the kids for bed. While she was loading the laundry into the washing machine, curlers and all, her 3 year old peered around the corner into the laundry room and said, “Mommy, why you work so long?”
I think she did cry. Why is it her 3 year old is the one to stop, make notice and question my friend’s actions? Kids are smarter than we think. Listening to the whispers can pay off in giving them what they need, but also in nurturing ourselves and our needs as Mother’s. Just ask my friend.
On a funny note, another friend was telling me about a conversation her 2 kids ages 3 and 5 had in the car. They had been talking about when to call 911. Using examples to identify what constitutes an emergency. While they were talking, the song “911-Fire Burning” by Sean Kingston came on the radio. The 5 year old said, “see mommy, why is he singing about calling 911, what’s the emergency?” and the 3 year old said in the most serious voice (and with a lisp), “don’t you hear him? there’s a fire burning on the dance floor!!”
Listening to the whispers, talk, or shouts can pay off in learning about our kids, their personalities, what they perceive, and how they are really feeling. And some days, it’s just good for a laugh!
6 Comments
Truly a wonderful piece Julie! I feel that its truly important to focus on the children and give them the time they need with us as parents. Also to truly watch what we say since they pick up on everything. 😀 Great article! 😀
Great article Julie! After my toddler dreaded going to daycare for two months, I decided to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom. I sometimes question if I made the right choice, but your article reassures me that I listened! Thanks for your wise words.
Pingback: Kids Say Amazing Things..Are you really listening? | AfterGlow Health & Fitness
Thanks everyone! Keep listening!
I love some of the things my kids whisper to me. I get some of the best whispers at bedtime. They are so sweet then. Kids always have so much to say when the lights are off and the busy day is being put to bed. I also spend too much time on the computer. My computer always lives in the family spaces of our house so I can be near the kids but my girls don’t always like it. It may seem rude, but they have been known to just close the computer on me ( softly) and say ” now Mommy, just close it. You can do it” )
We forget sometimes to slow down, the whispers of our children can teach us so much
Great post. Thank you.
I am guilty and proud of all of the worst and best moments described above. I also agree bedtime is when all kinds of frustrations and fears are shared…and sometimes happy moments from the day are relived as well. On Sundays especially, I try to sometimes recap the day or weekend, so that going into Monday, the kids have a rehash of the ‘quality time’ they did get.
One thing I think all us computer bound moms need to keep in mind is that we tend to be far more open and social online and forget sometimes to be equally social in person, particularly with the kids. And we need to be open and giving with our own children, not just with friends. Our kids need us to be their friend and support them and be open to insights and shared fears. I find that sometimes a warm bath and a story and cuddle will give them the comfort zone they need to expel any negatives they are harbouring.
The whole, get out of the house, off to school, rush home from daycare, finish dinner, clean up dinner, bathe, tired/stressed out parents butting up against tired/overstimulated children, would you please just fall asleep stuff, doesn’t always end with the warmth, security and comfort with a smile we would like it to.
We have to keep trying our best to get the quality time and full spectrum of attention that we know they deserve.