by Sarah Carmichael
I have been conflicted about deciding to be a working mother or a stay at home mother since before I had my son. Even though I entertained the idea of working outside the home, I always knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to spend my days with my kids, teach them, feed them, and watch them grow.
When my son was 10 months old, my maternity leave ended and I went back to work. Six months later, my contract wasn’t renewed due to lack of funding. I was beyond relieved. At that point, I really didn’t think I would go back into the workforce. I remember thinking that I would never have to do another job interview. Naive, I suppose.
I didn’t expect to be sitting here today with multiple tabs open in my browser advertising an assortment of job opportunities, each simultaneously holding promise and dread. It has become painfully obvious that staying at home is longer an option for me, financially. It is no longer a choice. And so begins the soul-sapping process of searching for income.
Nothing seems to offer enough salary. At least, not enough to cover full-time care for my son. How do families do this? Child care is expensive! I went to an interview for one job and after doing the math, realized that an entire paycheck would go to child care. A full 2 weeks of work to pay for someone else to care for my son. As much as we need the second paycheck, I can’t get over that I would be working in order to be able to pay someone else to do what I want to do – be with my son and spend the little time with him that he has before he starts school. It just doesn’t sit right with me. It doesn’t make sense.
So, here I sit fully buried by this conundrum that so many parents face. How do I provide for my son while also giving him what he and I need most? Time.
I know that I am not the only person capable of caring for my son. I don’t deny that he could benefit from more exposure to children his own age. Admittedly, he could benefit a lot from that. I actually think he needs that. He is ready for that. But, not full-time.
What I need is a part-time job that pays enough to cover part-time care and then some. Do those kinds of jobs even exist? I have my doubts.
In the meantime, here I sit scouring the internet for the perfect job. The job I don’t want, but the job I need.
3 Comments
I totally understand your position as I’m in the same one…
I’m at a loss because either the jobs I’m finding require a very long commute, or they are part-time and don’t pay enough for child care.
Good luck!
Sadly, one has to do what one has to do. It’s not a feasible option for most mothers to even contemplate staying with their child – and it’s a fact of life that probably induces extreme depression in them. I was one of them. Haven’t contemplated it, cuz I know it’s not feasible. My hope is that those who do have the option staying at home with their child know how blessed and lucky they are. It’s not a paying job, but it’s one of the best jobs in the world.
Sarah, I totally feel with you. I’m a stay-at-home mother of seven. And believe you me, if there’s anything I understand, it’s that the economics of staying at home kinda bite sometimes. Raising 7 kids on less than $40,000/year has not been an easy road, nor one for everybody.
That said, there are a number of other options. You could PROVIDE daycare. Check with your county daycare licensing folk at Social Services. I did that for a while, and it was a good thing. (Then our son with cerebral palsy was born, and POOF! I had no time for anything.)
You could try going back to school part-time, as many colleges offer free to reduced daycare for students.
You could go to work in your local Head Start program and have your boy with you there.
You could drive Medi-Van (you’re allowed to bring kids with you, and the hours aren’t horrendous).
Many possibilities. 🙂 You can do this, you’re a strong woman with a good head on your shoulders.