working moms finding balance

Motherhood

Learning to Say No as a Work At Home Mom

May 29, 2012

by Danielle Christopher

The phone is warm in my hand. My cheeks feel warm. I have a euphoric feeling. My other hand is still hovering over the keyboard.

I am in awe of what I just did on that phone call. I said no to a job that would have been summer long.

Currently I have a modest work load on top of being a mom. I do as much as I can when my daughters are occupied at school or therapy.

I know why I said no and why it feels so good.

1. Fear of taking on too much that I cannot deliver. I mistakenly did too much when my personal life was under despair. I messed up a job badly. I took a lot of time off from work to get well.

2. Summer is a month away. Everyone needs to kick back when it is backyard season.

3. My oldest daughter is transitioning from kindergarten to Grade 1. I will need to work on some writing and reading exercises with her to allow her to start school well.

4. My youngest daughter will continue to have therapy lessons. That takes time for me to take her.

5. Time is too short. My girls are getting older so quick. I never want them to have their summer memories of mom glued to a computer.

My youngest comes over to me demanding to be picked up. I scoop her up and give her a big hug.

I will always have work opportunities. Being here to raise my daughters is worth everything. Being honest with myself and potential clients is worth it.

Danielle Christopher is a stay-at-home mom of two daughters and a freelance writer. Her teen story is in the collection “Parent/Teen Stories: Without Judgement”. She lives with her husband of seventeen years and her girls in Langley, B.C.. Follow her on Twitter.

Motherhood

Working Moms, Stay At Home Moms – We ALL need BALANCE

August 24, 2011

New research suggests that working moms have lower rates of depression than stay-at-home moms. But those working moms could be at greater risk for depression if they try to be a supermom.

Working moms who know they have to let go of some aspects of their career or parenting to achieve a work-life balance have a realistic view and are less depressed.

Working moms who expressed a supermom attitude that work and home lives can be blended with relative ease showed higher levels of depression symptoms.

Of course! Women who think they can “do it all” can only keep up for so long… trying to juggle everything with ‘perfection’ will only burn you out and make you feel inadequate.

The research showed stay-at-home moms had more depression symptoms than the working moms in the study, which agrees with findings from other studies.

I can see that – women who stay at home are more isolated. They don’t have the adult stimulation they would at the workplace. They don’t have to get dressed and get of the house. Being confined to the same four walls day in, day out – can definitely have some negative effects.

When we strive for more it’s wonderful – but the key to this study is that we all need BALANCE.

Whether you stay at home or work, there has to be a balance between work life and family life. Period.

Featured

The Five P’s of Highly Effective Working Moms

March 14, 2011

by Christine LaRocque

I’m a full-time working mom. I’m out of the home and away from my children 10 hours a day, five days a week. I choose to work for a variety of reasons that are complex and important to me and to my family. When I’m at work I obviously miss them, it’s difficult to be away from my children so much.

As hard as it is to be away from my boys, it’s also incredibly challenging to manage our time and various family responsibilities. While there is no specific formula to make it work, and I’m convinced that perfect balance is impossible, there are a few things I’ve learned that can help make a working mom’s life a little bit more manageable.

Here are the five P’s of highly effective working moms:

Plan

Organization is critical; without it everything falls apart. Weeknights are all about routine: dinner, clean-up, bath time, homework and play time and then prep for the next morning. I do a weekly meal plan so I know what to expect each night and can get all my groceries on the weekend. The goal is to avoid making unnecessary trips to the grocery store on a weeknight. I take out the kids and my clothes at night to minimize the morning rush and lunches are always made the night before.

Prioritize

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that it’s impossible to do it all. So I pick and choose. That goes for the activities we sign the kids up for and the commitments I make for myself. Whereas I used to say yes to everything, I know have to think carefully through the promises I make otherwise I might regret over-extending myself.

In reality, I don’t think it’s an all or nothing or a choice of one thing over another. I think it’s all about moderation. Focusing on what needs to be done, doing it when it needs to, but allowing responsibility to slip when you need to so that you can regain your equilibrium or focus on your family.

Protect

I protect me-time, for quiet reflection and to enjoy my own hobbies and interests. It helps me to regenerate and to be able to keep going. But I also protect time for us to be together as a family, alone and doing nothing but enjoying each other’s company, free of distraction and responsibilities.

Be present

The time that I do have with my children between the daycare pick-up and bedtime, is limited and fleeting. I believe in the adage that quality is just as important as quantity so I try to make the most of that time by talking with them, giving and receiving plenty of hugs and cuddles and fully engaging with their activities as much as I can.

Make peace

Motherhood can be a difficult place. Add all the roles that we play, and it can be easy to become overwhelmed.The single most important thing I’ve learned as a working mom is to make peace with the fact that I won’t be able to do it all. I forgive myself the hard days, the frustrations and the insecurities and make peace with the fact that, for now, life is just busy.

Christine LaRocque is a communications professional and mom to two boys. She blogs at Coffees & Commutes, where she reflects on life as a full-time working mom.