I recently read an article at Six Pixels of Separation about what it takes to really make something happen. While the piece was intended to address moving an agenda forward in a professional setting, it occurred to me that it is completely relevant for motherhood.
In the article Mitch Joel argues that there are two main factors needed for something to gain momentum and ultimately acceptance. I would suggest that the same two factors are critical to surviving motherhood, and in my case, motherhood as a full-time professional: self-discipline and secret sauce.
Here’s the thing. Joel contends that it can be very hard to get motivated, and that “when we’re left to our own devices, human beings are amazingly good at avoiding the act of ‘getting things done’.”
Before I became a mother I was on my A game. I set goals and achieved them; I was remarkably on top of all my responsibilities. Life was forward and fluid moving. In supreme ignorance, I often wondered why my own mother, for example, had trouble completing the simplest of tasks. Since then, my schedule has been all but commandeered by two earnest little boys, and I have had my comeuppance. Motherhood is harder than I ever imagined.
Even so, people often ask me how I do the things I do: raise two small boys, work full-time, spend two hours and sometimes more commuting every day, write a blog, read and review the books that I do, and still find time to meditate and pursue other interests. Here’s my answer:
I decide on my priorities and I make the choices to support them.
That means I choose to climb into bed and read at night instead of watching television, I limit social commitments in favour of weeknights, and most weekends at home, and I structure our family’s life on predictable and manageable routines. It’s not always easy to do, and I often miss things I’d really like to attend, but it keeps me organized and my stress levels manageable.
The second factor for success is secret sauce. A person’s secret sauce is “a skill or trait that is uniquely ours – that when we’re outputting our best efforts, it’s truly reflected in the result of the work.” And the thing is, we all have it, we just have to figure out what it is.
So here is where it gets interesting. I believe we all have it as mothers, a skill or quality that sets us apart. The trick is to realize it, and to forgive ourselves when struggle in other ways. A person’s secret sauce can’t be all the. That’s real life.
Ironically, I think self-discipline is my secret sauce. By staying focused and making choices, I’m learning how to manage a busy life as a full-time working mom.
I agree with Joel when he says that “the interesting part of this exercise is that the secret sauce really starts flowing when you apply the self-discipline in a rigid and consistent manner.” My whole life I’ve thought that being enough meant keeping up and doing everything. Now, I know that being enough means doing what is best for me. What’s more, I truly believe that if I do, if I freely acknowledge my own limitations and celebrate my strengths, that everything else will continue to slip perfectly into place.
Christine LaRocque is a full-time communications professional, wife, and mother to two under 5. While trying to manage a hectic lifestyle filled with long commutes and two unruly boys, she discovered that sometimes when you are trying to do everything, you are really doing nothing at all. She writes about managing life as a full-time working mother at Coffees & Commutes.