written by an Anonymous Mom

My baby is 11 months old and I’ll have to return to work soon. The problem is, I don’t want to go back to work after maternity leave. How will I be able to leave my precious baby for someone else to care for?

I thought I would return to work after having a baby but now that my baby is turning 1, I’m in a panic about leaving her. I feel like I need to just quit my job and stay home to raise her.

I want to be the one who will take her first steps, watch her string her first words together, be there for her to hold her when she’s crying rather than a stranger. I just can’t bear the thought of her being in a daycare with all these other kids, not having the attention of her mama or papa.

I’m not even sure yet if we could afford to have me stay home. I wouldn’t want my husband to feel the pressure of earning his income for all three of us.

And then what about my career? How do I justify all the years of university and work experience just to leave it all to stay home and be a mum? Will it be harder for me to go back to work in a few years or should I bite the bullet and go back now?

This inner battle between being a mom and being a career woman is really hard for me to wrap my head around. Has anyone else experienced these feelings of wanting to be a stay-at-home mum AND a working successful career woman? I feel like I’ll be a failure if I decide to stay home and then feel guilty if I decide to go back to work.

I could really use some advice.