by an Anonymous Mom

I wanted to start a blog about being a mom.

Not a happy mom.

An annoyed frustrated bored mom.

A mom who is just tired of being a mom.

A mom who is just tired of all the boring day to day bits.

A mom who feels like she is drowning in other people’s lives.

Not that she had such great life before being a mom. It was too much work, too much booze, too much of everything.  I was not as happy as I wanted to think I was but I had a HELL of a lot of fun.

But it was just me and me alone. I am tired of trying to make everyone happy.

I am sure I am not the only one.

All moms talk about is how their kids are the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. How can that be? Why don’t I feel that?

I did. At least I think I did when she was born but now I count the days (years) until she is going to university.  Or wherever life takes her.

I love her. I truly do. She is a fantastic kid she is well behaved, polite, smart, funny, beautiful, loves to read and draw, and has an incredible imagination.

But I am not sure that I give her enough positive stuff and support. I feel like I am always nagging and always complaining and it wears me down.

I have horrible memories of my mom never being there for me. I have never felt she was ever. Even though we are close now I still don’t feel as though I can share anything with her.

I carry huge resentment about it. I try to make like it doesn’t matter but it clearly does. I don’t want her to grow up resenting me.

I don’t want to be this person anymore. I need to find the happy place again.