by an Anonymous Mom
I wanted to start a blog about being a mom.
Not a happy mom.
An annoyed frustrated bored mom.
A mom who is just tired of being a mom.
A mom who is just tired of all the boring day to day bits.
A mom who feels like she is drowning in other people’s lives.
Not that she had such great life before being a mom. It was too much work, too much booze, too much of everything. I was not as happy as I wanted to think I was but I had a HELL of a lot of fun.
But it was just me and me alone. I am tired of trying to make everyone happy.
I am sure I am not the only one.
All moms talk about is how their kids are the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. How can that be? Why don’t I feel that?
I did. At least I think I did when she was born but now I count the days (years) until she is going to university. Or wherever life takes her.
I love her. I truly do. She is a fantastic kid she is well behaved, polite, smart, funny, beautiful, loves to read and draw, and has an incredible imagination.
But I am not sure that I give her enough positive stuff and support. I feel like I am always nagging and always complaining and it wears me down.
I have horrible memories of my mom never being there for me. I have never felt she was ever. Even though we are close now I still don’t feel as though I can share anything with her.
I carry huge resentment about it. I try to make like it doesn’t matter but it clearly does. I don’t want her to grow up resenting me.
I don’t want to be this person anymore. I need to find the happy place again.