Back to school anxiety | amotherworld

parenting

Don’t Panic: Getting Your Anxious Child Ready For Another School Year

August 29, 2017

by René Brooks

Many children (and adults) are preparing to go back to school. It’s one of the most hectic times of the year, and some of us find ourselves dreading it.

There is a ton of thought, preparation and purchasing to do. We have to get new clothing, meet new teachers, and make a variety of selections on merchandise that most of us frankly don’t give a fig about. If this is a nightmare for the neurotypical, just imagine how it feels for those of us suffering with anxiety.

Anxiety involves persistent worry over the unknown variables of life. When you’re going back to school for the year, there are a ton of unknown variables: Who am I going to sit with at lunch? What am I going to wear the first day of school? Will I have friends? Will they make fun of me like they did last year?

Those are just SOME of the worries that can go through your child’s head as they’re preparing to start a fresh new year. Being a parent is being in a constant state of anxiety over your child. We don’t want them to suffer, and we’ll do just about anything to smooth their path. Let’s work on getting that anxious child ready for another school year.

Preparation is key

The less that is unknown, the less there is to worry about. That means it is time to go to work!

Pack up book bags a week in advance if you need to, put it in the spot you’ve asked your child to keep their bag in during the school year. Plan two or three outfits a few days before, so the child has options if they wake up that first school day and decide their wardrobe doesn’t meet the cool quotient.

If your child has a close friend who will be in their classes with them, have them get in touch with them two days to a night before to make plans on a spot to meet up so they won’t be alone. If it is a new school, find a member of the staff to meet your child and escort them around the building so they won’t be alone in a completely unfamiliar place. A little bit of preparation goes a long way to preventing anxiety.

Rest easy

It can’t be emphasized enough that a well rested person is far less anxious. The problem is, worrisome thoughts can keep a body awake at night. There are a few ways to help your little one get to sleep. Start transitioning them into their school sleep schedule two weeks in advance; they won’t appreciate it now, but they will when that early alarm goes off.

Make sure you give your child enough time to lay awake and settle their mind before going to sleep, a half hour should be long enough. Any more time than that and they could start to worry about not being able to fall asleep, that’s the LAST thing you want.

Talk it out

Find out what your child’s hopes and fears for the coming year are. Do they have a difficult time making friends? Has a special friend moved away? Maybe they just feel shy around people, or they are concerned that their clothing isn’t trendy enough. These seem like small concerns to adults, but remember when you were a kid and the main thing you wanted was to fit in? That’s true of all children, and we should honor that.

Spend some time goal setting, or researching the latest fashions together. All of this is bonding time for you and your baby; plus they will realize that you see their concerns as valid. We all need validation, no matter how young we are.

Our greatest desire for our children is that they have an amazing education. Don’t let anxiety get in the way of your children’s academic success. Start working now to soothe their anxious minds and get them ready to take the year on.

Big Kids

Tips to Help Your Child with Back-to-School Anxiety

August 29, 2013

After a fun summer break, it’s not uncommon for children of all ages to feel anxiety about going back to school. Whether it’s general back-to-school nervous feelings, or worries about academic challenges or past stressors like bullying, there are many reasons why a child might be apprehensive about going to school.

Children can have a variety of anxieties about going back to school. Separation anxiety and anxiety about specific experiences from last year are among the most common, according to Christie Hayos, social worker at The Hincks-Dellcrest Centre. She offers these tips for back-to-school anxiety.

Separation Anxiety:

Separation anxiety about being away from parents can affect all children, particularly at younger ages. Here are some tips to help your child prepare for back-to-school.

Try a Dry Run:

For all children beginning a new school year, especially younger children or those who have more anxious temperaments, it is important to prepare before school starts. Before the start of the school year, walk or drive the route to school and visit the playground to add a familiarity to what’s to come. Keep your tone nonchalant but excited. You might add games to the experiences to help the child associate fun with school.

Empathize and Problem Solve:

Empathize with your child’s anxieties (“It must be hard to feel so nervous about going to school and leaving mommy”), then follow-up with a statement that lets them know they aren’t alone with their feelings (“Lots of kids feel this way”). Then move on to problem solving together, brainstorming ways to ease the anxiety and helping them to remember successful past experiences.

Prepare for the First Day Back:

Have your children be a part of back-to-school preparations, as appropriate for their age. Small tasks, such as choosing an outfit or suggesting lunch items, can be meaningful for a child and increase their feeling of control over the situation.

If the Anxiety Continues:

If the anxiety continues, work with the child’s teacher or administrative staff to help support the separation process. Children need a firm approach to let them know attending school is not optional, along with some soft discussions about it.

Separation Anxiety in Younger Children Who Cry and Cling

When children are clinging and crying about going back to school, we first need to try to understand why. Children may not be able to tell you exactly what it is that is making them upset, and you may or may not have your own ideas.

Try to Discover the Root of the Anxiety:

If your child is too upset to articulate what they are feeling, but you have some guesses, try to tenatively guess what they are feeling and then empathize when they tell you you’ve got it right. Use tentative language, such as “I wonder if you are feeling scared to go to school” or “I think you may be worried about leaving mommy today”.

Reassure your Child:

Remind your child about all the people that will help them at school, identifying specific friends or staff members what might be of help. Work with the teacher to help with the separation and ask whether there are things the child can do to help them ease their worry, such as bringing something from home to soothe them, calling the parent at lunch time, or taking a break from class to sit and draw in the office.

Remember that the Anxiety will Pass:

It is extremely painful for parents to see their children cry when they drop them off, but teachers say that most children settle once their parents have left and they begin to integrate into the class.

Anxiety about Experiences from Last Year

Some children have specific worries about something that has happened in the past school years, such as not being able to make friends, being bullied, or having difficulties with academics.

Listen to Your Child’s Concerns:

Always begin by listening to your child’s worries and letting you know you empathize – don’t dismiss their anxiety. As with separation anxiety, offer past examples of when your child experienced success.

Make a Plan:

If there are specific worries such as bullying, or learning issues, it is important that the child knows there is a strategy in place to help address these issues, such as one-on-one support or teacher supervision. Engage your child in the planning and consider their ideas. Create what- if scenarios and review how they might be handled. Remember to have these discussions well in advance of the school year.

When to Get Help:

Give your child the first few weeks of school to settle in. If worries aren’t gradually decreasing, or they are interfering with other areas of life – your child has trouble sleeping, has changes in her eating habits, or has a sudden “clinginess” to you as a parent – talk to your child’s teacher, family doctor, or a mental health professional.

parenting

5 Tips to Help Back to School Stress

September 14, 2012

by Sara Dimerman

Now that we’re a few days into a new year at school, and the initial excitement has worn off, your child may still be dealing with some anxious feelings.

Below are the top five anxieties during the transition back to school and five tips to help back to school stress:

1. New beginnings.

Anxiety can run particularly high when a child is transitioning into a new phase or environment. So a four year old entering JK, a 6 year old entering grade one, a 14 year old entering high school may be more anxious than students moving between other grades. Acknowledging these feelings as being normal is very important. Remind your child that even teachers feel a little nervous at the beginning of a new school year, but that you’re confident that as the days go on, their anxiety will decrease.

2. A new teacher.

Most children experience a new teacher at the start of a school year. For some this can be exciting, especially if they have heard great things about the teacher. For others, a little more intimidating, especially if they’ve been forewarned. Remind your child that every person relates and perceives teachers differently and just because someone had had a negative experience, does not mean that your he or she will feel the same. Ask that he or she give the teacher a chance and at the end of a school day, ask your child to share two positive things about his or her teacher.

3. Meeting new students.

Again, for some this may be exciting. For others, meeting new students can be anxiety provoking, especially if your child feels that some of his or her closer friends will be distracted by the newcomers. Remind your child that the new kid in the class is likely feeling even more anxious about entering into a roomful of strangers and help your child think of ways that your child can take a leadership role in making sure that the new students feel welcome.

4. Being apart from you.

If you’ve spent lots of together time as a family over the summer months or if you’ve been able to spend extra one on one time with your child, he or she may need some getting used to being away from you for extended periods again. Remind your child that it’s normal to feel a little sad or anxious at being apart all day. Write little notes to put in his or her lunch box as a reminder that you are close by and that your thoughts are with him/her.

5. Extra pressure.

Back to school typically also means a return to extra curricular activities and homework. A sharp contrast to the lazy days of summer. Try to wean in after school activities and don’t over burden your child with too many. A child feels stress too and not enough time to unwind and catch his or her breath after school may lead to anxiety too.

Sara Dimerman has been a Therapist for over twenty years. She is one of North America’s most trusted parenting and relationship experts and the author of three books – ‘Am I A Normal Parent?’, ‘Character Is the Key’ and a book for couples – ‘How can I be your Lover when I’m too Busy being your Mother?’ Visit HelpMeSara.com and follow Sara on Twitter.