After a fun summer break, it’s not uncommon for children of all ages to feel anxiety about going back to school. Whether it’s general back-to-school nervous feelings, or worries about academic challenges or past stressors like bullying, there are many reasons why a child might be apprehensive about going to school.
Children can have a variety of anxieties about going back to school. Separation anxiety and anxiety about specific experiences from last year are among the most common, according to Christie Hayos, social worker at The Hincks-Dellcrest Centre. She offers these tips for back-to-school anxiety.
Separation Anxiety:
Separation anxiety about being away from parents can affect all children, particularly at younger ages. Here are some tips to help your child prepare for back-to-school.
Try a Dry Run:
For all children beginning a new school year, especially younger children or those who have more anxious temperaments, it is important to prepare before school starts. Before the start of the school year, walk or drive the route to school and visit the playground to add a familiarity to what’s to come. Keep your tone nonchalant but excited. You might add games to the experiences to help the child associate fun with school.
Empathize and Problem Solve:
Empathize with your child’s anxieties (“It must be hard to feel so nervous about going to school and leaving mommy”), then follow-up with a statement that lets them know they aren’t alone with their feelings (“Lots of kids feel this way”). Then move on to problem solving together, brainstorming ways to ease the anxiety and helping them to remember successful past experiences.
Prepare for the First Day Back:
Have your children be a part of back-to-school preparations, as appropriate for their age. Small tasks, such as choosing an outfit or suggesting lunch items, can be meaningful for a child and increase their feeling of control over the situation.
If the Anxiety Continues:
If the anxiety continues, work with the child’s teacher or administrative staff to help support the separation process. Children need a firm approach to let them know attending school is not optional, along with some soft discussions about it.
Separation Anxiety in Younger Children Who Cry and Cling
When children are clinging and crying about going back to school, we first need to try to understand why. Children may not be able to tell you exactly what it is that is making them upset, and you may or may not have your own ideas.
Try to Discover the Root of the Anxiety:
If your child is too upset to articulate what they are feeling, but you have some guesses, try to tenatively guess what they are feeling and then empathize when they tell you you’ve got it right. Use tentative language, such as “I wonder if you are feeling scared to go to school” or “I think you may be worried about leaving mommy today”.
Reassure your Child:
Remind your child about all the people that will help them at school, identifying specific friends or staff members what might be of help. Work with the teacher to help with the separation and ask whether there are things the child can do to help them ease their worry, such as bringing something from home to soothe them, calling the parent at lunch time, or taking a break from class to sit and draw in the office.
Remember that the Anxiety will Pass:
It is extremely painful for parents to see their children cry when they drop them off, but teachers say that most children settle once their parents have left and they begin to integrate into the class.
Anxiety about Experiences from Last Year
Some children have specific worries about something that has happened in the past school years, such as not being able to make friends, being bullied, or having difficulties with academics.
Listen to Your Child’s Concerns:
Always begin by listening to your child’s worries and letting you know you empathize – don’t dismiss their anxiety. As with separation anxiety, offer past examples of when your child experienced success.
Make a Plan:
If there are specific worries such as bullying, or learning issues, it is important that the child knows there is a strategy in place to help address these issues, such as one-on-one support or teacher supervision. Engage your child in the planning and consider their ideas. Create what- if scenarios and review how they might be handled. Remember to have these discussions well in advance of the school year.
When to Get Help:
Give your child the first few weeks of school to settle in. If worries aren’t gradually decreasing, or they are interfering with other areas of life – your child has trouble sleeping, has changes in her eating habits, or has a sudden “clinginess” to you as a parent – talk to your child’s teacher, family doctor, or a mental health professional.
