by Christine LaRocque
A soft place to land
A couple of weeks ago, my oldest son and I were cuddling on a lazy Sunday afternoon. My youngest was napping, the house was blissfully quiet except for the beeping sounds of my oldest’s tag reader as the two of us relaxed together enjoying our respective books.
I stopped and watched him for a moment. My heart swelled with love and joy. We had reached that point, the point where we could relax companionably in each other’s company. I was struck by how much he has grown up, how much he has changed, seemingly overnight. No longer a toddler, no longer even a preschooler, now a full on boy at almost six.
My mind wandered as he focused on discovering his books. As always, whenever I allow myself a moment to take stock, I considered this new phase of his life. I’ve noticed he’s changing.
While he continues to test his boundaries it has taken on a new edge. No longer is it about basic behaviour, but now it comes from his budding individuality. More and more he’s asserting himself with ideas that are all his own.
Life has a way of moving forward even when we aren’t completely paying attention. Until recently I haven’t focused much on who he is outside of our family unit. I’ve looked at him as my son, my oldest son, a part of us. Now I’m starting to see him for himself.
This leaves me feeling torn – between excitement for him, and apprehension and sadness for me. Everything is changing. Changing as it should, but that doesn’t make it easy.
I know that similar emotions run through the hearts and minds of mothers everywhere. We must let our children grow up, it’s important that we trust them in the world and let them be all that they should be. But we must also provide a safety net of comfort that they can come home to and guidance to help them navigate the new influences they face.
And so, though things are changing, much stays the same. He still needs me, perhaps more than ever. I will be here to hug him, to encourage him, to provide a soft place to land when he needs it.
Christine LaRocque is a communications professional and mom to two boys. She blogs at Coffees & Commutes, where she reflects on life as a full-time working mom.
21 Comments
I feel the same way, always have. When my son was 6 I remember looking at him, willing him to stay little, to stay my boy. I had this feeling that when he got older, some of that magic would be lost. But now, from the other side of 11, I can tell you that there is nothing to dread after all (well, haven’t hit the teen years yet…but I am looking at them with a lot less apprehension now). It’s hard to let go of every age, but my experience has been that the next age is every bit as wonderful in its own unique way. The trick is to enjoy the moment, which I know you do. Happy New Year!
This is comforting to read considering I have two boys and I often think about how things will be when he is older. But I do try to enjoy each and every moment/phase because it will all pass so quickly!
Oh Denise! Your comment is so very reassuring. Thank you so much for taking the time to give us this perspective.
My younger son is 10 and my older son is 13. Yup,a TEENAGER! I can assure you, it’s not as scary as it sounds. The biggest change is the attitude and mood swings. One minute he’s furious at me,letting me know that I think I know everything but I really don’t know anything..and a few minutes later, he’s snuggling with me, telling me he loves me. I have learned from those who have walked this path before me, that I just need to roll with it. Hormones are challenging..for all of us. I struggle all the time with giving him his independence and feeling the same need to protect him as I did when he was a toddler..it ain’t easy..but I’m learning as I go.
My 10 year old seems so young to me next to his brother and that’s ok, since I don’t think I’m quite ready to have 2 teenagers in the house just yet!
:o)
I fear for the teen years since my 5 1/2 year old is already so moody…not sure how I’ll cope!
It is really normal to change as long as it is for the better…
Well, as a boy myself once, I can say (1) my Mom is and always will be my Mom – and I love her; (2) boys inherently feel the need to prove themselves, and ‘independence from Mom’ is one way of expressing that. Everything is happening naturally 😉
I absolutely appreciate your perspective! Thank you for chiming in.
Oh don’t you worry because every mom is already experiencing this kind of things about their son..
Hi Christine!!I have also experienced to have my sons changing especially in their adolescent stage…
Mine are big guys now (bigger than me. Yikes!) and I’m grateful to say there are still lots of hugs and shared times.
It helps, I think, to be active with them — and actively engaged.
Really paying attention and (me) talking honestly and openly with them about anything and everything has worked very well for my guys and for us as a family.
Honestly, in the last couple of years, I’ve witnessed the lives of a few of my younger son’s peers completely unravel. Brutal. I think (to some extent) the stage is set back, at home, when they’re little.. So all I can say, Christine, is what you’re saying and teaching and showing now really really matters. All that cuddle time (and thinking, on your part) is fabulous for your kids!
I can also relate to this and we are all sure that every mom also has the same situation with their “kids”…
This is actually normal and we all have to accept it…Thanks a lot for the great post you shared us…I can relate to this as well…
Thanks a lot for sharing this great idea to us..I am really sure a lot of mother can relate to this..
You cannot change your babies last name. His partenity has been established and his father is seeing him and paying child support. His father cannot change his last name either. Your husband now could adopt him but you would need your ex to sign away his rights and he does not want to do that.
Its a pity that I did not have someone like you to re-assure me when my three kids were growing up.
What you are experiencing with your kid we is par for the course every child goes through these stage as part of maturing to adulthood.
I am in my early sixties having experience the growth of 2 girls and one boy I can recall and identify with the way you are feeling. Its all part of the maturing process. The all go through the stage where theare trying to find their individual identity. Their need for a mother and father is changing from a childrens need to a more mature adults needs and this is part of what has you torned. Don’t worry you will learn to accept and adapt. Just make sure you continue to a close relationship and that you can talk freely with one another.
I think when I experience these kind of things to my kids, i might cry…It’s an indication that they are growing up already…
This blog surely helps to all the mom/ parents to do a right thing when the changes occurs also on their children, its really nice that we getting closer with our children in order that we can monitor or know their essential needs even they are grow up…
Changes is part of growing up of an individual, that’s why I really look into every changes takes of my princess because I want her to become a good person and conscious in every action she might doing…