by Dawn Lyons
While mothers are worried about buying school supplies, taking their teens for haircuts and shopping for clothes as the first day of the new school year approaches, teens have their own types of concerns. They worry about how others will perceive them and if they will fit in; this is especially true for those going to high school for the first time or starting at a different school than the one attended the previous year.
Those starting high school have a mixed sense of anticipation and concern regarding how they will fit in, whether or not they will make new friends, and just how difficult the workload may be. Eighth graders may rule the school, but they spend much of the year with anxious thoughts about graduation and selecting their first high school courses. And with only four or five years to decide what to do once they complete secondary school while also addressing concerns such as dating, family obligations and extra-curricular commitments, teens often have their focus pulled in multiple directions. Those who are moving on to post-secondary education or to a path of employment will find themselves adjusting to new environments while being eager to succeed.
During the hustle and bustle of preparation and as the new year of studies begins, there are four things mothers can do to help stay tuned-in to what their teen is experiencing.
Talk
This may seem obvious, but talking to your teen is important. It may sometimes seem that teens aren’t interested in talking to a parent and while that may be the case at times, it is important to keep the lines of communication open. Be careful not to constantly harass your teen to try to force out information about specific topics that may induce stress. Instead, create light, upbeat conversation related to your teen’s likes or dislikes, and talk to them about your own experiences, past and present. This will maintain a sense of trust and openness, and anecdotes that make your teen laugh at the silly things you did during your teen years is always a positive interaction!
Ask
Ask questions, and not just the difficult ones. Let your teen know you have a genuine interest in who they are and what they are experiencing. Ask about their favourite class or teacher to start a positive conversation, or ask if they still enjoy an extracurricular activity and the reasons for their answers. Discuss a particular movie you know they have seen or a song they particularly like. This allows you to engage with them on their level and shows you care about what is important to them.
Also, if you are facing decisions of your own, whether related to your career or family even something as simple as where to buy the groceries this week, get your teen involved by asking them to help you work through the decision making process. They will feel that you trust them enough to ask for their help and gain a sense of empowerment and accomplishment by knowing that you value their opinion.
Listen
Teens are in an awkward position of wanting to do things themselves and being not quite sure whether or not they are making the right decisions. When they feel they are being judged or preached to or told what to do, this can make things more difficult for them and make them feel they can’t express themselves to you. Sometimes it is important to let your teen know that you are there for them if they need to talk, and that you will simply listen to what they have to say and only provide input if asked. While this can be difficult, it is paramount for your teen to know they can trust you to provide what they need, and sometimes it really is just a listening ear – and if you’re lucky, a soft shoulder.
Watch
Teens often internalize their experiences and any problems they are trying to work out. They may feel embarrassed by what is going on or sense that it is their problem and therefore their job to figure it all out. Depending on the circumstances, they may be afraid of your reaction. Pay attention to your teen so you notice if they start exhibiting any unusual or different behavior that could indicate something is bothering them. Trouble sleeping, a change in appetite, talking too much or too little, a loss of interest in things they usually like or spending excessive amounts of time alone are all examples of behaviour changes that could indicate something is up and you should try investigating to see if you can help in any way.
While vital at all times during the teen years, the use of increased observation and open communication is valuable during the back-to-school period to help teens transition smoothly to new schedules, new schools and new responsibilities.
Dawn Lyons is a mother to three boys and a professional freelance writer. She is passionate about empowering teens to create their own success and also helps adults who influence youth development to have a greater understanding of teen culture. Follow her on Twitter and visit her at www.linesbylyons.com.
