Recently, I had to deal with an etiquette question about whether no kids allowed at a wedding was cool or uncool.
I received another invitation in the mail – this time to a bridal shower.
At the bottom of the invite, in capital letters, it reads:
MONETARY GIFTS PREFERRED
Doh! Isn’t there a bridal registry or something? Register at The Bay or Sears for God’s sake. I’m supposed to come and hand over money?
What’s even appropriate these days? Will $100 cut it?
But if I decide to ignore the bride’s request for cash and bring a gift, will I be given dirty looks? Will the bride-to-be not appreciate my thoughtful gesture?
In our family/culture, gifts are for engagement parties and bridal showers. Cash is usually what one gives as a gift at the wedding, and most often one tries to cover the cost of their dinner which usually runs around $100 a person.
But for a shower?
The bridal shower is designated to “shower” the couple with items they will need to establish their new home together. If the couple is already living together, or a house already bought and furnished, then they don’t need a bridal shower.
According to etiquette “experts”, it is tacky on any invite to ask for gifts of money. If many people who the family knows ask what the bride and groom might need, the mom, future mother-in-law, bridesmaids, etc.. can let those people know what you need – ie. money.
How do you feel about “money showers”?
8 Comments
I think it is very tacky!! We once went to a wedding where the invitation said, “no boxed gifts” and someone came around to the tables with a box to put all the cheques in. Weddings and showers have turned from a celebration to a cash grab!
I think it is pretty tacky as well. I’ve only received one invitation to a wedding (not shower) like this and it did NOT go over well with the guests. Especially considering we knew that the groom and bride to be both had great jobs, purchased a house together already, and were probably in good financial standing. I think I ended up buying a gift anyway instead of give money. I have experienced where the couple was struggling in general and the wedding was going to be very modest. The family and close friends suggested that they could really use money in lieu of a standard wedding gift, which I thought was appropriate.
I think the word “tacky” is tacky. 🙂 I’ve attended money showers before, particularly when the new family is financially hurting. I see nothing wrong with it, but it should be communicated to the guests sensitively – probably a phone call to say, this is what we’re going to do, rather than a line at the bottom of an invitation.
When my husband and I married we had a very small, modest wedding. We were also living with his parent and planned on continuing to do so for a while after the wedding. We didn’t want gifts, we would have to store them, risking damage or loss for things we would not be able to use. What we did need was money (because we had a little one and it’s not like we wanted to live with his parents, we had to). I thought it tacky to include anything of the sort on the invitations so we didn’t register anywhere, this prompted people to ask both mothers what we may need. Both gently directed guests towards monetary gifts. I think it worked and besides, all our guests were family or close friends anyways.
Most appropriate way to answer according to the “etiquette experts”. – well Done Ms. J!
I got an invitation last week to a wedding shower. My cousin’s bride to be. Holy cow. I saw the wedding registry and said “I’m giving cash.” I HATE giving cash but seriously the bride registered for 4 coffee makers. FOUR COFFEE MAKERS and they are going to be living in a condo on a deluxe mansion with multiple wings! 3 sets of pots and pans and of course the best, a 385$ casserole dish. I called my sister and went through the registry list with her and we agreed to either go dutch on the 250$ coffee maker OR just each put $100 in an envelope.
I think asking for cash is fairly tacky but not nearly as asking for $130 pillow for your bed….
I also think that bridal showers are a little bit like money showers. Fortunately, all the weddings I’ve gone to were those of close friends and they did not demand anything from me. I even insisted that they provide me with some kind of guidance as to what they wanted but they just stubbornly evaded the question every time. In the end I crocheted an extravagant gift for them and also gave them a $100 gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond. Asking for money straight out is in my opinion tacky though. But they do make things easier when it comes to deciding what to get them. I think $100 should cut it, but I guess depending on you, and whoever it is you’re giving it to, you could go for more…?
I would never put what my preference in gift is; though at that time in my planning stage cash would have been awesome. I like to give cash at showers it just helps with all those little things or helps the bride to put the money into the wedding to make their special day exactly what they want.