Dr. G,
We have a bunch of holiday parties to attend in the next couple of weeks. What can I do when my little ones get stressed/overwhelmed in a holiday celebration? There are often so many people and so much chaos that they end up clinging to me and asking to go home the whole time.
It is possible to have a good time with your children at a holiday party! This just takes some thought and advanced planning – both of which are hard to do in this busy season.
Think about your child’s personality. What is the main challenge for her at a party of mostly adults? Boredom? Hunger? Shyness? Sensory overload?
Boredom:
Think back to your own childhood. Kids can not figure out why adults want to just stand around and talk! What is there to do? Will there be other kids at the party? Will there be a place they can play and anything they are allowed to do?
Kids will always find something to do or play. However, you don’t want to spend most of the party scolding them or watching like a hawk to make sure they don’t break a rule or a window. Bring a few activities for your children in case there is nothing safe for them to do. Books, a board game, a small craft or a container of Lego all make a great distraction.
Hunger:
Lots of kids don’t eat well, or just don’t eat, at a party. Seven thousand cheese doodles don’t necessarily fix the crankiness that comes when a kiddo is hungry and doesn’t realize it.
If this is a problem for your child, feed her before you leave home. She will still eat some junk but at least you’ll know she’s not irritable from lack of nutrients.
Shyness:
First be very clear yourself about what you need from your child. When an adult talks to him, does he need to answer? Can he make eye contact, smile, wave or shake hands instead of speaking? Many kids, even loud, out-going kids, get shy when in a new setting with strangers. Most grow out of this but it can take years! If you’re working on this, set small, realistic goals and give lots of positive support.
Sensory Overload:
Parties, and the holidays themselves, can really affect children’s behavior. If you have a child who gets wild in busy settings, plan accordingly. Don’t stay as long as you have in the past.
Help your child find a relatively quiet space at the party, and then make sure she spends some time there when she is starting to get wound up. Bring a calming activity for her to do. And keep an eye out for signs that it is time to go!
Make your plans clear before the party about how long you’ll stay. Give your child a code word they can use if they are really having a hard time with someone or something. Be flexible with your endpoint. Going home before the situation (or the child) really falls apart is often the best parenting move you can make!
Dr. Deborah Gilboa is a Board Certified family physician, mother of four, and a professional parenting writer and speaker (for parents, community & business). Her signature individualized workshop, “How to Get the Behavior You Want, Without Being the Parent You Hate” captivates parents through her humorous straight talk, which lifts the guilt out of parenting. Her mission is to help parents raise children they can respect and admire. Visit her website.
1 Comment
Kids won’t visibly noticed that they are being affected with stress during the holiday season. It’s more on fun and delightful presents, they would rather end up stressful doing some assignments rather than on their activity on holidays. It’s the joy that being felt who makes it less stressful.