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lifestyle

BlogHer Taught Me It’s OK to be a Bitch

August 13, 2012

by Alexandria Durrell

I think maybe I’ve mentioned this before: I spend a lot of time online.

I blog, I tweet, I’m on Facebook. I’m in ur fridge eating ur fuds. (Alright, so maybe not that last one. Often.) In doing so I come across a lot of, shall we say, interesting folks.

The internet gives a voice to all manner of people: those who’ve been silenced too long, those who could seriously use a filter, those whose voices should be heard around the world, and those who have nothing better to do than chatter into the void. (That’s right, I do fall into one or more of those categories.)

In my recent article discussing online friendships, I mentioned having met a multitude of people from the internet over the past decade. It’s a pretty commonplace occurrence for me to strike up random friendships in strange places. On Twitter, through blogs, on airplanes, at events. I’m not picky – if you’re interesting, I’m in!

What I do find difficult, however, is the vetting of these friendships. One thing I’ve learned is that I never know with whom I’m going to click in person. Some of my most treasured relationships have started online, but I’ve also experienced more “Friendship Crazy” (as I like to call it) than I ever thought possible.

Sometimes I meet someone in person with whom I don’t mesh well online and think, “Wow! We’re so alike!” and the friendship flies. Other times I meet someone I am sure is my next BFF but can’t wait to find the next quick exit from the room. So once we’ve built those intimate online relationships, how do we move forward when we don’t click with the 3D person?

Online relationships give us the chance to be perfectly frank, which does one of two things:

1. Builds a sense of intimacy more readily than most traditional relationships given the confessional-like environment of many social media outlets, and

2. It allows us to be complete assholes. I hear a lot of people say that Twitter is filled with cliques, but I don’t see that. I see it filled with circles of friendships, overlapping. And I love it. I don’t see exclusion, I see opportunities to interject. Online is where I excel!

Let’s face it, it’s much easier to tell someone off from behind that screen, but it’s also much easier to offer up compliments and support without ever having to follow through. Relationships in “meatspace” require more finesse.

I offer a lot more *hugs* than hugs these days. I send more emails and spend less time face-to-face. It’s easy to maintain these relationships because there’s no substantial investment of time, but when that friendships crosses over into the physical world, the challenge is then deciding how solid the friendship really is, or how much investment we’re willing to put into it.

I recently attended BlogHer, a blogging conference in New York City. It was an absolutely life-changing experience for me, but not for any reasons you might expect. It was the very first time I’ve traveled alone, to a destination where I wasn’t meeting family, to an event of that size, with no close friend.

To say I was nervous is the biggest understatement of my life. But I did it! I overcame those fears and I rocked that trip. And looking back, even though I had exactly no idea what to expect, and I really didn’t do much of what I’d planned, I think the conference is one of my best memories of all time.

I came home with a purse filled with business cards; notes both scribbled and mental about fascinating blogs and the bloggers behind them. Some of them, I’ve known online for years while others (the vast majority) were new to me.

There were some I’m completely awestruck by, some who made me laugh hysterically, some whose stories made me cry, some I totally lost respect for, some I’ve gained new respect for, and others I’m dying to know better. All of them were truly remarkable for so many reasons.

I found it challenging to mingle with strangers there, especially when in groups. I (not at all jokingly) said I needed a shirt emblazoned with “INTROVERT” across the front of it. I found it hard to break away and spend time with new people, or even connect with the ones I wanted to most.

I felt guilt over not “doing” BlogHer the way others suggested/expected. I felt badly for not wanting to participate in activities people told me I should want to attend. I felt ashamed for craving time alone when so many others were clamouring for attention, and I felt pressure to live up to expectations that I hadn’t set myself.

What’s more, when I expressed these feelings, I got a lot of sideways glances and was reprimanded for being negative. So much negativity! Such a Debbie Downer. But it wasn’t that at all! I was trying to find the way to please everyone, and still make the event my own. And then I realized this: that’s not what friendship is about. It isn’t about living by someone else’s rules. It isn’t about losing myself in someone else’s expectations. It isn’t about making sure that the online person they wish I was matches up with my rather solitary in-person self.

It’s about finding the friends online and in life with whom I truly click. With whom the laughs come easily and the friendship is natural.

The ones who turned out to be great friends were the ones supporting me in my apparent weirdness, not the ones whispering about how antisocial I am. They were the ones comforting me and my introverted self. They were the ones stealing me away for breathers when the crowds were closing in. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

BlogHer taught me that I’m not alone in that crowd. What I loved most was the collision of my online and “real” worlds, seeing people mix and mingle and forge new friendships and reinforce existing ones. I loved the connections, and the realization that sometimes it’s ok to not click, and that if that makes me a bitch, then that’s ok, too.

Alexandria Durrell digs her humour like she likes her wine…dry. With a bite. She knows the lyrics to pretty much every song ever written, has a weakness for plaid and for all her complaining, she always finds the silver lining. Her two kids and one husband (for now…she’s evaluating the benefits of Brother Husbands) are the things that make her happiest and most frustrated in life, and there’s not a thing she’d change about that. Despite the name, she blogs here and here but is usually found in her pajamas on Twitter.

Contest

Back to School With H&M: Win a $100 Gift Card

August 9, 2012

It’s back-to-school season and we can’t help but be excited about the latest fashion trends for kids!

H&M is always a trend-setter when it comes to fashion for the entire family. There is much British influence this season with lots of checks, tweeds and quirky details.

Playful colours, warm neutrals and imaginative prints pop out this season. I personally like the girlie looks with the rock influence in some of the styles!

Accessories are a must – cute bags, leather boots, ballerina flats or loafers can complement an outfit.

Denim is always in style; it’s comfy, durable and practical it’s available in a wide range of fits, styles and washes. Many of H&M’s popular basics are made of organic cotton – we love organic!

For boys, stripes, checks and playful graphics are in style. Leather boots or canvas sneakers can finish up a look. Accessories like flat caps, beanies, scarves, bow-ties and suspenders can also play up an outfit!

amotherworld and H&M are giving away a $100 gift card for a back-to-school shopping spree!

To enter, fill out this form. Canada Only. Contest ends August 23, 2012, 11:59pm.

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Good luck!

Health

Skinny Doesn’t Mean Healthy!

August 8, 2012

by Samantha Montpetit-Huynh

The skinny-fat epidemic; it certainly is no surprise that society has a really warped idea of what “healthy” looks like.

With the war on obesity, some people go to the other extreme. They become cardio junkies, eat carrots, drink cayenne pepper and lemon water and try to replicate the scary anorexic images that are considered the norm these days.

A few months back, there was a lot of media about skinny-fat and exactly what that meant. It actually surprised me that it was considered such a new term seeing as I have used it for years. I always refer to those people as walking Jugheads – like the guy in the Archie comic book that could eat whatever he wanted and not gain a pound. As lovely as that would be, it scared me that at the time, I probably thought the fooled miraculously disappeared. Not.

Skinny-fat is just that. Although they may look skinny (which is a word I HATE by the way) on the outside, they are fat on the inside. They most likely have a good BMI but remember that BMI does not calculate muscle just mass. Skinny fat people are also jiggly, may have some love handles because they have very low, if any, muscle tone. They rely on their “good genes” to keep them thin but if only they knew what was really going on. A skinny-fat person can really be at risk if they don’t make changes to their lifestyle.

Earlier I referenced cardio junkies; you know, the people who religiously go to the gym 5-6 days a week and spend their entire time on the cardio machines. either running or cycling for an hour each day. Now that’s great for your heart but unless they start to incorporates some strength training into their routines, they will continue to have a higher amount of visceral fat than needed. Remember, MUSCLE burns fat, NOT cardio.

Food also plays a major role in skinny-fat people. I met a young mom once that giggled about the fact that she loves fast food and looked down and said “but I’m not fat, so I can”. Yes for now. But I bet if she were to fall down, something would snap. If you eat large amounts of fat and sugar, where do you think it’s going to go?

Visceral fat is dangerous because it’s the one that is closest to your internal organs and your heart. Although obesity and beer bellies put you at a higher risk for heart attacks, skinny-fat increases your chances too.

You are a creation of your environment, plain and simple.

Being considered a skinny-fat person is not cute nor funny and can be detrimental to your health; hence why I have been such a promoter of better terms such as “strength” and “power”. You would be surprised how many moms injure themselves just doing every day tasks. If you are someone who has always been graced with thin genes, please take note that everything we do to our bodies catches up with us eventually.

So where do you fall into in the scope of things? Are you thin but weak or healthy and strong?

Samantha Montpetit-Huynh is the mother of two beautiful girls and the founder of Core Expectations, Toronto’s only full services wellness team that delivers personal training, abdominal rehabilitation and other support services to the homes and offices of pregnant women and new moms across the GTA.

amw in the city

Things to Do Quebec City in August

August 7, 2012

by Julia Gabriel

Wondering what fun things to with in Quebec August 2012?

If you thought October was the best month for beer festivals you would be wrong. From August 16 to 19,make sure to stop by the Festibière De Quebéc.

With over 500 different beers from 60 exhibitors you are sure to find a brew that satisfies. Located in the Old Port of Quebéc City it offers an old world charm that only adds to the experience. While there listen to speakers who really know their beer and musical performances from local artists.

If music is more your thing then hop on to the ferry headed to Levis and take in the 6th annual Festival Jazz Etcetera.

Stroll the streets of Old Levis and take in the sights, sounds and local businesses all while listening to Jazz music performed on one of two stages. Entry is free! While at the festival make sure to grab a Belgium chocolate dipped cone from Les Chocolats Favoris.

August 15 to 26 you can get some thrills and chills at the Expo Quebec. The Expo offers something for everyone – music, rides, food, games, animals, daredevils and so much more!

Quebec family fun!

Photos: ExpoQuebec.com

Desserts

Grilled Strawberry Shortcake

August 6, 2012

by Amanda Goetz

Who doesn’t love a big ol’ piece of strawberry shortcake? It’s a dessert that personifies summer. My kids don’t normally like mixing textures and flavours but they’ll eat anything with strawberries on it!

There are many variations on Strawberry Shortcake from different kinds of cake, to different kinds of berries, but here’s one you may not have thought of, grilled! Grilling the cake gives it a lovely warm, crispy exterior which contrasts beautifully with the soft, cool berries. Make sure you use pound cake for this recipe as it holds together the best on the grill.

Surprise your guests at your next backyard barbeque with this unexpected twist on a classic dessert!

Grilled Strawberry Shortcake

1 pound cake, homemade or store-bought, sliced

1/4 cup butter

3 cups fresh strawberries, sliced

1/2 cup strawberry preserves or jam

1 cup vanilla pudding

3 cups whipped topping or whipped cream

1 tsp vanilla extract

Instructions:

1. Heat your grill or grill pan to medium heat.

2. Melt the butter and brush it on the cut sides of the cake.

3. Grill the cake on both sides to a light golden colour doing a 1/4 turn halfway thru.

4. Fold the pudding into the whipped topping/cream adding the vanilla as you fold. Put in the fridge until ready to assemble.

5. Mix the strawberries and preserves together and set aside.

6. Start to assemble by placing a slice of grilled cake on a plate.

7. Top with some of the pudding/cream mixture.

8. Then add a generous amount of the strawberries and preserves.

9. Top with another slice of the grilled cake and garnish with a bit more of the whipped topping/pudding and a whole strawberry.

I recommend making this right before serving so that the cake remains warm and the topping doesn’t melt away.

Enjoy!

Amanda Goetz is a WAHM to 4 kids under the age of 5. Her love of cooking was fostered when she was a preschooler helping her grandma in the kitchen. After a year long stint as a sous chef, she left the industry to continue cooking as a hobby before the stress and politics of a professional kitchen killed her love of cooking. Now she creates delicious dinners and delectable desserts for her family and friends and blogs about it at The Best Mom on the Block.

Big Kids

Helping Teens Cope with Loss: 5 Things to Avoid

August 2, 2012

by Dawn Lyons

You know how we don’t like to think about or talk about death, much less experience the loss of a loved one, whether a family member, friend or even an acquaintance. This is complex and problematic stuff at any age, and can be particularly difficult for teenagers to understand.

How do you help your teenager cope with loss? There are some things to avoid when helping your teenager cope with death:

DON’T tell them to “accept” it.

Of course, they need to grasp the reality of the situation, but telling – and expecting – young people to “accept” the loss of a loved one is like forcing them to say the fact that this person who played an important role in their lives is dead is ok. And the reality of that is, it is anything BUT ok.

DON’T think the loss doesn’t affect them as much as it affects someone else.

The idea that the death of a friend or a friend’s family member couldn’t really be all that upsetting, or that the death of a parent doesn’t have more of a devastating effect on the spouse than the child, is not only incorrect but could be detrimental in helping youth who are experiencing grief and bereavement. Any indication, intended or not, that they shouldn’t be having as difficult a time coming to terms with the loss or experiencing the grief can cause them to believe they shouldn’t feel the way they do. This, in turn, can cause them to internalize their thoughts and feelings and create bigger problems. Even a loss that seems to be at a distance, such as someone at school, or the parent of a friend, is enough to cause a deeply emotional reaction.

It will also elicit a thought process around the (scary and often previously unconsidered) realities of mortality and the potential for loss, whether expected or unexpected. It is important to be conscious of and sensitive to the experience of a loved one’s passing from the teenager’s perspective.

DON’T rely on the school to provide assistance.

In fact, don’t even assume that the teachers, guidance counselors or administrators at your children’s school know what has happened, even if you have called to advise them. Speak personally with each person who will be involved with your child and could provide assistance, but keep in mind that the possibility that the school does not have the ability or resources to support your child through their grieving process could be an unfortunate reality.

DON’T put unreasonable expectations on them (and don’t expect too little, either).

It’s difficult to find the right words to express support in times of loss, but phrases such as “you’re the man of the house, now” or “take care of your Grandpa” is the last thing young people need to hear. Not only does it make them feel like they are being forced into a position they don’t want and probably feel incapable of handling, it creates additional stress and discomfort for them to think that individuals they are used to relying upon now need help themselves.

Other unreasonable expectations to avoid include thinking a group of friends can continue on as normal after a member of the group, or someone in the group’s family has passed, or expecting your teenager to perform the same at school, have the same interests and essentially be the same as they were before the person passed. Things are not – and will not be – the same.

DON’T assume they are – or will be – ok.

Too often, the assumption that “kids are resilient” and “they’ll be ok” are made when there should be more focus on what teenagers are experiencing and if they need help. This is especially true in situations of grief and bereavement, when they are more likely than ever to internalize what they are feeling and not know where to turn for help, and they may not even recognize the fact that they need help.

When supporting a teenager who has lost a loved one, it is important to remember that their perspective on death and loss is different than that of adults and can’t be addressed in the way an adult will often face the situation. While it’s easy to wait for everything to go back to “normal,” the reality is that this can’t happen, and teenagers need a safe place to grieve in addition to compassion and encouragement as they create their “new normal.”

A professional writer and editor, Dawn Lyons created ‘Write’ Steps 4 Teens by combining her passion for writing with her desire to help teenagers resolve stress-inducing concerns and consciously create their own success stories. Find out more by visiting her online at linesbylyons.com.

Motherhood

Our 2012 Hottest Mom Winner is…

August 1, 2012

It was a long and close race!

The votes were so close… really close! But along with our judges, Dee Brun @CocktailDeeva and Tamara Plant @YouAreFierce, a decision has been made!

Our Hottest Mom winner is….

.

Alicia Higgison! @mrshiggison

Congratulations Alicia!

Alicia wins the coveted title of Hottest Mom 2012 (her crown and sash are in the mail) and wins fabulous prizes from Hamilton Beach and Mabel’s Labels!

Since it was such a tight race, it is absolutely necessary to give wet, slurpy kisses to our fabulous runner-up, the smart, sassy and stunning….

Kat Inokai @bumpandhustle

Congratulations ladies!

Here is Alicia’s essay again:

I have come a long way in my walk through motherhood. I started out scared and lost and grasping at every “technique” and “style” that seemed popular.

It’s only since settling into life with three ladies that I have really discovered comfort on my own terms. I’ve got a confidence about my life now that plays out in my appearance. Because when you can look at yourself and know that it was you all along accomplishing the things that make you so proud: it can’t and it shouldn’t be hidden.

I have discovered that my quirks give me enough of an edge to stick out in a crowd and I’m a natural extrovert…a bit of an attention-whore if I’m honest! I am a talker, a constant talker. A friend once told me that I say all the things that everyone is always thinking inside. I see no point in putting a fake sugar coating on a life that is real, so I put it all out there; good, bad and ugly on my blog, Life With Ladies.

It’s a string of love letters to the testament of my life as it is in real time, and a snapshot for my daughters to look back on and know that I was once a real woman too, behind all those rules & peanut butter sandwiches. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve got a tall, dark and handsome man at my side telling me I’m gorgeous and giving me confidence and, yeah probably a bit of swagger in my step too.

Success should first be found within. I think a woman’s greatest ally, and often her biggest competitor, is herself. Any of us can probably pick out 17 things on any given day that we’ve done wrong, dwell on them and call ourselves a failure. It takes courage to admit that you didn’t do everything right, but you had the best intentions and tomorrow will be better. And then make it true.

That’s where confidence is built. And that’s where my “hotness” comes from. Throw on a thrifted bird shirt, some of your grandma’s fake pearls, squeeze yourself into those skinny jeans and heels- and work it. I just show the world what I already know- I am a hot mom!

Thanks for the nod, it’s an incredible group to be a part of!

~ Alicia @mrshiggison

Health

Women Over 40 Should Not wear a Bikini? Or Mini?

July 31, 2012

Ladies, do you wear a bikini or two-piece bathing suit?

New “research” has revealed that 70 per cent of Brits think that women over 40 should stop wearing bikinis. I put research in quotation marks because it’s a ridiculous survey.

Do you agree or disagree?

On a community board, I saw this and was floored:

I’ve always thought it looked out of place when women over forty wear mini-skirts so I don’t think this [wearing a two-piece after 40] is any different. Although, it doesn’t mean you can’t still get a flirty one-piece or tankini! I believe in keeping a little skin hidden to be left to the imagination!

Seriously? Women over 40 can’t shouldn’t wear mini-skirts?!? A woman should wear a bikini or mini-skirt as long as she can or wants to!

I say, if you are comfortable with your body and want to wear a bikini – all the power to you!

What do you think? How old is to old to wear a mini or a bikini?

Photo credit: Piotr Bizior: www.bizior.com

activities

Olympic Games: Parent Olympics!

July 30, 2012

In honour of the Olympic Games, we need to have our own competition – Olympics for parents!

Here are the events:

Shot Put:

The parent who can throw a heavily-soiled diaper the furthest.

100 meter race:

Chasing after your child in an open field.

Hurdles:

Parents must race through an obstacle course and jump hurdles without stepping on any of the scattered toys, Lego (damn those hurt), clothes, furniture, dirty diapers, baby throw-up and other lovely baby items scattered along the course.

Triathlon:

The first part is getting three kids ready for school – this event kicks off at home, getting the kids ready for school; breakfast, brushing teeth and getting dressed.

The second part of the competition is to load the kids into the car, go to the drive-thru bank machine and coffee shop and scarf down a bagel while putting on make-up (moms only).

The third is getting unloading the kids and getting them into school before the bell rings.

The first parent to do this wins the gold medal.

Heavy-Weight Competition:

The mother with the largest circumference of her pregnant tummy at eight months, wins the trophy.

Shopping Cart Race:

The parent who manages to buy everything off a detailed grocery shopping list first, without buying anything for their accompanying tired, cranky, hungry kids.

Marathon:

The parent who can function the longest with two hours of sleep – without any coffee or caffeinated beverages – and manages not to scream at their children.

Weight Lifting:

Dads will show their strength and muscle in this competition by lifting their babies (must be over 20 pounds) up over their shoulders and back again. The dad who lasts the longest, wins.

Diaper Challenge:

A race amongst moms to see who can change the dirtiest diaper the fastest and cleanest first. Any remaining bits will be cause for disqualification.

Wrestling:

A battle between mom and the mom who judges her for her parenting style.

Endurance Event:

Winner of this event will be the mother who has had the longest day of her life with the kids and STILL wants to have sex with her husband, with no convincing or bribing of any kind.

Which games would you win?!

Beauty

The Only Makeup You Need to Make it Through Until Fall

July 27, 2012

by Jane Daly

When summer temperatures soar, and whether or not your face is melting is not something we need to worry about. While going make up free is the best way to ensure that, sometimes we just want to add a wee bit of polish to feel more presentable, for lunch out with friends, a BBQ with friends and family, or, if you are like me, a trip to the grocery store.

That’s right. Unless it’s an emergency, I like to be even minimally put together when I leave the house.

Trust me. It doesn’t take much, but it does take the right products and the best makeup in the summer – the only makeup you need in the summer!

Primer:

An oil free primer helps minimize the appearance of pores and lines, preps skin for any make up you may use and help it last longer. My favourite is Clinique Pore Refining Solutions Stay-Matte Hydrator– it has light hydrating qualities while also keeping your face matte for hours. Also, Hourglass Veil Mineral Primer (bonus SPF15 mineral protection) is brilliant for keeping shine at bay.

Under-eye concealer:

Lancome Effacernes Waterproof Protective Undereye Concealer. Nothing works better than this. NOTHING. Even on my super oily skin, this one stays put. It does not settle into lines or creases, and a few dots under your eyes takes your from tired to rested in a few seconds. I also use it on my eye lids. You’d be surprised the lift your face gets from a lighter, even toned eye area. For spots or blemishes, Urban Decay 24/7 Concealer pencil can’t be beat.

Mascara:

Mascara is the quickest and most low maintenance way to open your eyes after applying your concealer. Waterproof is best in the summer as it will last all day long without raccoon eyes. Best waterproof mascara for long soft lashes: L’Oreal Voluminous Waterproof. Not everyone loves the extra effort that comes with removing waterproof mascara, and for that I recommend a tubing mascara- the formula actually wraps around your lashes and stays put until you gently massage it off in warm water. Clinique Lash Power gives you natural, soft long lashes and is also good for sensitive eyes.

Powder:

You need powder to reduce shine and help you look like you aren’t breaking a sweat. MAC Blot is the best product for this in the world – I can actually feel is sucking the oil off my skin. You can dust it on with a big fluffy brush on the way out the door. I keep one in my purse with a cotton puff, and take great pleasure in literally powdering my nose. A fantastic drugstore option is Marcelle Pressed Powder in Translucent.

Bronzer:

I forgo the blush in summer months, as often we are so warm we have a lovely flush and tend to be slightly pink toned naturally. So I stick to a matte bronzer with a pinkish hue. Shimmer will only make your face look shinier, and emphasizes pores and lines. My favourite is Guerlain Terracotta in the lightest shade they make. Long lasting and the perfect bronze. I have also used and loved Rimmel Natural Bronzer, which is also matte and adds the perfect glow.

Lip Colour:

Again, keep it simple with something low maintenance and pretty on the lips. Stila Lip Stains are amazing and last for hours, giving a sheer and pretty colour without worrying about bleeding edges or touch ups. For a glossier sheer look, a Clinique Chubby Stick Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm is a must-have. I have a rainbow of these ones in my purse and they are sheer enough to apply without a mirror, moisturize the lips, and leave a sheer wash of colour and shine behind.

Ta-da! You look gorgeous!

Jane Daly is the proud mum of two amazing young women. She loves helping women find their own individual beauty and to bring a positive message to all things beauty related. Jane worked for many years in the perfume and beauty industry and doesn’t believe we have to spend a lot of money to feel beautiful! Follow her on Twitter.