by an Anonymous Mom
What am I supposed to be doing with my life? I sit here, questioning the choices I’ve made, the opportunities I’ve missed, the path I could have walked upon. My future lies before me yet in it, I cannot see what I am doing.
This year has been such a standstill. No movement it seems… unless there is a greater movement going on. The calm before the storm. Perhaps all the preparations are being made for what is to come. All is being put in proper place for what is about to happen. I feel like I’ve worked so hard but I’m still waiting for something to happen.
That “waiting for something to happen” is stopping me from living my life now. And yet I cannot help but fast forward my mind to think about the future and what lies ahead.
I feel like I need to have a purpose, a reason for being. Now I’m talking about my professional life. My children give me the greatest joy and my job is to be a good mother to them. My husband relies on me for strength and support. But what about “me”? What is my purpose? I know it is not only to support my family. There has to be more.
Or is there? Is this my role… the only role that I was born to do? To be a good mother and the perfect wife?
I may sound negative but in the past, it seems everything I had tried, ended in failure. I’m finally starting to see a glimpse of hope. All I know is that I have no choice but to embrace that feeling and believe that I’m moving the in the right direction.
Do you ever feel this way? That there is more that you crave other than being a mom?
11 Comments
Um…did I write this post and I don’t remember? Or did someone just read my mind? I feel like I’m waiting to be able to do something other than be a mom, waiting until I have my 2nd (and possibly last) kid so I can start working towards what (I think) I’ve finally figured out that I want to be when I grow up. Until then, I wash the high chair tray five times a day, pick up the same toys at least ten times a day, do the same thing over and over because that’s what my kiddo needs from me. I swear whoever wrote this read my mind…
I could also relate to this post a few years back, Jess. Knowing what you want to do when you “grow up” is a great step forward. It will get better!
I feel like there is more for me to do than being a mom too. I am a writer.I am going to college and try to finish my book at the same time that I am raising my two babes. My husband helps but the mom still gets to do more. Try and do a little something on the side even if its once a week. You’ll get ahead eventually. Remember no time is wasted with your children.
Thanks for commenting 🙂
Yes! I definitely have felt that way, especially when my children were very young and parenting them was an all-consuming job that didn’t leave a lot of room for anything else. Sometimes, I regret that I put so much else on hold. I know that in the end, I’m glad I spent those years with them because I could never get them back, but I feel like it left me behind the game in my professional life.
I’m with you Amanda, I was there with the Anon Mom too at one point in time. I too am glad that I enjoyed those early years with my kids – they are the best memories.
I think that you are just looking for something to work on. Being a wife and a mother is a very noble work. But I guess, you are wanting to do greater than that. You are wanting to satisfy your need. I hope you find what you are looking for.
It’s completely normal to feel this way! I have found the best thing to do in the midst of overwhelming motherhood and wifehood is to broaden my horizons. I make time just for myself to develop my talents. I do that through hobbies and research. You won’t always need to be at home 24/7 so take the quiet time to discover your passions in life. Once you know what they are you still have time to figure out what to make of them. A career perhaps? Also, consider getting a sitter (or just leave the kids with Hubby) for the weekend and take the time to go away and remember how to be you before you had labels. It’ll give you the strength to come back and be Mom and wife on the foundation of your true self.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be MORE than we are, instead of just enjoying where we are RIGHT NOW. I think most women have felt this way..but the worst thing to do would be put more pressure on yourself and TRY to find something to do or someone else to be. I truly believe that we all have so much to offer and the less we worry about it, the easier it will be to figure out each new path we’re supposed to follow. Enjoy giving your children the type of childhood they will cherish and keep your mind, heart and ears open for what the world has in store for YOU next!
:o)
I have been there. I look back to the time when my children were small and realize just how miserable I was. However, I learned much too late that it truly is the little things in life that bring us joy. Remember what you loved as a kid, embrace them as an adult. Right now, my love’s and my career don’t intermingle….but someday they may!
Make sure to take time for you because as your children grow, so will your freedom. As your freedom grows, so will your lonliness if you don’t know yourself. Good luck and sending love your way!
Good advice – I hope she’ll take it!