Before this holiday season, I had never heard of The Elf on the Shelf. Then again, it’s fairly new Christmas “tradition”, created in 2005.
If you haven’t heard about it yet, it’s an elf figure that acts as the eyes and ears of Santa Claus… so Santa knows who to put on the naughty list and who has been nice. A family “adopts” an elf and then becomes a “part of the family’s Christmas” every year.
They can’t be touched or else they will lose their magic. They also listen to everything that happens in the house.
I see disaster already.
Beside the obvious creepy factor, here are five reasons why I won’t get an Elf on the Shelf.
1. Firstly, that elf will know exactly what I’m doing at each and every moment… like finishing up the kids’ chocolates, or having a cocktail before happy hour… oh wait, the Elf isn’t real.
2. The scary thought is that my kids will be on such excellent behaviour at home, that they’ll burst out into craziness the moment they step foot outside.
So far, it’s been the other way around – they behave well at school and turn into monsters as soon as they come home. And although my kids often drive me to bang my head against the wall, I would much rather deal with the lil’ devils here than multiple phone calls and pink slips from the school.
3. I figure, I already use the “Santa knows what you’re up to” line, which I usually start super early like right after Halloween in order to squeeze every opportunity out of that one, so I’m waaaay ahead of the Elf.
4. “Before the family awakes each morning, their special scout elf will fly back to their home from the North Pole. However, since these elves like to play games, don’t expect to find them in the same spot! While some like to hide in the freezer (probably because it reminds them of the North Pole) and others prefer to sit on the fireplace mantle or hang from the chandelier, these elves love to play hide-and-seek with their families.”
Uhhh, who has to move the Elf – me? Doesn’t the Elf move magically by itself? Does that mean every night along with putting kids to bed, getting ready for the next morning, turning the lights off, setting the alarm, I have to remember to move the damn thing?
5. Another problem I have? I already have to explain to them – one day – why I went along with the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny and fess up to the fact that Santa isn’t real. Do I really need to add yet another explanation to the mix?
It’s bad enough that they’ll probably burst into tears when they find out about Santa… I’ve been holding my breath this year fearing that my 7 year old will hear the truth from some bigger kids. Oh the mom guilt!
So Elf in a Shelf, although I thought about adopting you into our family for a split second, I realized — HELLZ NO!