Have you have a friendship end but you don’t know why?

It’s one thing to have a friendship end because two people drift apart but it’s another issue entirely when you don’t understand why the friendship is over.

I’ve had friendships come and go. Over the past few years, I’ve had several friendships end – some just gradually ended, others turned sour. Misunderstandings, both sides getting offended and not communicating those feelings, having certain expectations – all these contributed to the demise of some really good, long-lasting relationships.

It’s always difficult to see a friendship end but sometimes it’s the natural progression of a relationship. The time has come. You and your friend may have simply grown apart and no longer share similar interests.

Other times a friendship ends because of miscommunication, misunderstandings and the dreadful ego. The friendship ends up taking way too much effort to maintain, feelings are often hurt and then it becomes toxic.

But when a friendship ends, it’s often difficult to accept when you don’t understand why it ended. The worst way to ‘break up’ is to be silent. If you and a friend have a problem with one another, it might be fair to explain why you think the friendship no longer works.

The rule of friendship should be this simple – if you have offended your friend somehow, let them know. Be upfront about it. The worst thing someone can do is pretend like nothing is wrong when something is seething underneath the forced smile.

Fess up to what you’re feeling and tell the other person. Don’t be immature and ignore or avoid them like the plague, and make excuses about being busy. Tell them what bothered you and communicate your feelings. When you don’t, what it shows is that you really never cared enough to begin with to be honest with your friend.

The most baffling is when your calls aren’t returned, plans are cancelled, emails and texts are ignored. The worst is hearing “I’m sooooo busy”. Just tell me the truth! Women have very good intuition and can tell if something is up anyway so maybe closure is the best way to handle hurt feelings.

Whether you’ve just grown apart, don’t share similar interests anymore or your friend did or said something to upset you, it’s worth having a chat to lay everything out on the table. Who knows – your friend may have been feeling exactly the same way.

When I was researching for this post, I found many articles about people who end friendships without giving any reason at all. Why don’t we talk about it more openly?

Have you ever had a friendship end and but you don’t know why?



Maria Lianos-Carbone is the author of “Oh Baby! A Mom’s Self-Care Survival Guide for the First Year”, and publisher of amotherworld.com, a leading lifestyle blog for women.


  1. Shifting relationships can be messy for sure. In this time of instant messaging misunderstandings can happen quickly. This also happens when we become out of alignment with a friend because we have completed the karmic debt that was created in a past life with that person. Before we incarnate we set up soul growth lessons and contract friends to come into our lives to help us with that. Soul Contracts can have a time limit. We are in each others lives for a soul based mission and when we complete that mission it is time to let go of the relationship.

  2. Dianne / Smilenwaven Reply

    Great reminder. Have some very old friends haven’t talked to in a long time.

    • In your case, sounds like a simple case of drifting apart rather than something triggering the friendship ending.

  3. After I had my third child a friend didn’t call to congratulate me and after 2 weeks sent me an email saying we have nothing in common and to have a good life ( basically) we had a lot in common …. Went to school together since 12, both Greek married to Italians both had daughters same age etc…. So I never found out. Never fought with her. So that was it. I later found out she’d done this to five other girls. Her own personal issues I guess.

    • That’s bizarre! For a friendship with a long history such as this, I would really want to find out what happened. But you’re right, must have been something going on with her – maybe she wanted a clean slate from the other girls too.

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