by an Anonymous Mom

I badly need advice on how I’ve been feeling these past weeks. I am 44 years old but I don’t look my age. In fact I still love toys and one of my happiness is watching my wide collection of branded toys.

I’m a mother of four kids. Our eldest is the only girl, age 17. Next are three boys age 13, 11 and 9. My husband is an executive and has a very high paying job. I was a Bank Officer until I decided to be a stay-at-home Mom after I gave birth to our second child.

My husband is a very, very good provider. We have a big house and we have three house helpers. We can practically buy all the things we want. I can do anything I want. My husband wants me to be happy.

As a SAHM, I enjoy working at home even if we have house helpers. I enjoy cooking. I also do online trading in the stock market. I can say I do well in trading. I make decent profits in the stock market equivalent to triple the salary of an ordinary employee working eight hours a day Monday to Friday. I’m sure a lot of working moms out there dream of being in my position right now.

We have a happy family. During dinner, my kids tell fun stories and they laugh a lot. But I avoid them. I don’t join them. I get irritated with their noise. Most of the day they are in school/office and when they get home, I nagged them for no reason.

Maybe because I envy that they have friends, they laugh and they have life outside the house unlike me. More so, I feel I’m just being taken for granted and everything I do is unappreciated. I give them everything they need and do everything for them yet no one appreciates. I feel they see me as just one of the helpers in the house. I tell myself this is not the kind of life I want. I feel also that my kids envy their classmates who have career moms. My kids never saw me in a corporate outfit since they were still babies when I resigned.

I want to have a fulfilling career outside. But I don’t like to be an employee again. Though I enjoy being a SAHM, I want them to miss me. I want the feeling that when they get home I am not home yet. I want to hear from them that I have no more time for them. I want them to be proud of me that I own a successful business and not just a plain housewife.

But I am afraid to push through with my plans. What if the business did not become successful? I’ll just be throwing time, effort and money and have the same feeling of failure. As I’ve said I’m earning profitably in the comfort of my own home at the same time enjoying all the things I have now.

What’s wrong with me? Am I just looking for a stone to hit my head? Am I just looking for a financial headache in the future?

Please enlighten me. Your comments will be greatly appreciated.

Author

Maria Lianos-Carbone is the author of “Oh Baby! A Mom’s Self-Care Survival Guide for the First Year”, and publisher of amotherworld.com, a leading lifestyle blog for women.

9 Comments

  1. I have always admired women that could stay home and take care of their kids. I have tried, it’s not my thing. I feel guilty about it. I want to work. I am a better mother when I’ve spent (part of the day) working on something for myself. I have more time and room for the kids so I 100% get what you wrote – especially the being taken fore-granted part. (though I think that that’s also part of the mom description).

    But I question your motivation – you want the kids to miss you, be proud of you… I don’t know if working will make them feel this. But if you are doing it for yourself – they’ll feel that.

    I say go for it! You could even share an office and continue to work on your investments. Would give you a reason to put on your high heeled shoes and get out of the house.

    Good luck!

  2. Sorry, I can’t relate with this. You lost me at having 3 helpers in your big home. You are obviously more than well off and can do whatever you choose to do. Go back to school, start your business, travel the world, make some friends. You are in a position where your choices are endless and you can do whatever you want to do. Where as I struggle to make ends meet every day yet still took the huge debt of going back to school to try to improve my own happiness (start business of my dreams) only to finish school to have the government rip apart the field I want so desperately to be in. Now I sit here stuck, forced to take a job and wait it out hoping one day I can fulfill my real dream. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, moping around and get up and do something. Anything! You don’t HAVE to be a SAHM. You don’t have to isolate yourself and have no outside life. You choose to. So unchoose it. Sorry if this comment seems insensitive but if you see what I’ve been through the past few years you might understand. There are people who have no choice and people who have endless choices. You are the latter.

  3. I think you should do whatever you have to do to feel fulfilled in your life. You don’t want to end up with any resentment. I know I feel unappreciated sometimes and definitely want to work again eventually even though I don’t have to as well.

  4. Moms who decide to stay at home need to realize this does not mean you do not take care of your own happiness.

    Be a mom and a woman and a friend and a wife and a daughter and and and ….

    It’s interesting you mentioned your youngest is 9 so you are not tied to a young child at home all day… You have a lot of resources, please use some of that to take care of yourself! You will be a happier mom and start to enjoy your family more.

  5. Hello anonymous mom,

    After searching countless times online I have finally landed on this page and I must admit that I was happy that there is someone like me out there. It is not all exactly the same as I do not have a child yet but been supporting my 2 nieces and nephew to school. I like you to know that I understand what you are going through and that you are not alone. I, too is in the process of knowing where this pressing moment is taking me in life. I am not here to judge you but here is hoping you can drop me an email and perhaps together we can discover each other strengths and find support in what that we are going through. You are very blessed more than anyone expects to be and because of that you are called to be someone special as you already are.
    Sometimes you dont need to think about things, most of the times we must not expect bcoz in expecting there is alwys a big disappoint that comes with it. or me all we really need is affection but do we? You have all the many chance in the world to discover who you really are.
    blessings and more peace for you,
    taliza

  6. Yeah you are having a bit of a pity party in this post. I agree with Angela. Life is what you make it, if you make it all about the money – that’s all it’s about forget the relationships. If you make it all about pleasing your kids – be careful you don’t lose them and yourself in the process. Your post isn’t too much about you and your husbands relationship but let me just say – a healthy family starts with the relationship of the parents. It’s so key to ensure husband and wife are thriving, solid in affection and communication and unity. Parents in love make the kids feel secure, and ultimately there won’t be power plays because you will feel the security of your husbands love for yourself and give to the kids out of that rather than looking for security from your kids. They look to you for that, not vise versa. Go away on a romantic holiday together, let your hair down, get perspective.

  7. Not everyone’s problems are financial. While it is easy to say you would be so much happier with money, there will always be problems.

    Good for you for having the nerve to admit you want more than you have. Now go find it, you are the maker of your own happiness

  8. Just because you have money doesn’t mean that you don’t still have issues, that eny talking not reality. I am a SAHM as well and I do okay financially, we have house staff (live in nanny, chef, personal assistant and housekeeper) but I would not be happy being home all day at all. I need socialization and people. I do charity events, I design I do things because as a person I don’t want to lose myself in being the perfect mum. People need to step outside the money and see the root of the issue here which is the person not the finances. Find something you love and do it, a business, charity work something that gets you involed I am sure you’ll be happier.

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