written by an anonymous mom

I miss how things were before having a baby.

I love my baby so much. She’s almost 7 months and she’s at this really fun stage where she is sitting up and smiling and laughing. She’s so adorable and I love being with her. But there are times when I miss how things were before having a baby.

I feel very blessed to be able to be home with her but sometimes I think I should be out working like so many other moms in my area. Am I making the right decision being at home with my baby girl?

My husband works a lot and travels maybe one week out of the month which makes it hard. Before my baby girl was born I would sometimes go on trips with him. We would have date nights once a week, go for dinners all the time. I’m not saying that I would want to do that all the time now because my baby girl is my life now. But I can’t say that I don’t miss those carefree days where I could come and go as I please and my husband and I could just do something spontaneous whenever we felt like it.

I miss sleeping! I sound like I’m a terrible mom but I used to love sleeping. Maybe when she gets older I’ll be able to catch up on some sleep again. I sound really cranky. Running on little sleep doesn’t help. She still wakes up during the night and I can’t hear her cry so I do get up and soothe her so she can go back to sleep so that I can get some sleep!

I know it takes time to adjust to being a new mom and I know that I’m probably just cranky and whiny so please don’t judge me.

I must sound like a horrible person but do you ever miss how things used to be before having a baby? I can’t be the only one?

Any advice for this anonymous mom?

I Miss How Things Were Before Having a Baby


Maria Lianos-Carbone is the author of “Oh Baby! A Mom’s Self-Care Survival Guide for the First Year”, and publisher of amotherworld.com, a leading lifestyle blog for women.


  1. Hi Anon,

    I remember that feeling well. Having a baby is one of the biggest life adjustments you can make. It will take time for you to get to your “new normal.” But while you’re adjusting, it sounds like you could use some help. If your husband is away a lot, is it possible to hire a mother’s helper? I used to have a young woman come over 3 days/week for several hours. I would sometimes go out shopping and get a coffee. Other times I would put in ear plugs and go have a long nap 🙂 Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you can’t take time for yourself. Also, maybe you should talk to your husband about these feelings. Does he have any ideas? Can he help you at nighttime so that you’re not doing all the parenting alone?

  2. As a mom who has done it completely on my own, I understand! I think all moms have wished for sleep! My current wish is to be able to peacefully go to the bathroom on my own!! If you are in Ontario search for your local OEYC. They are great places to connect with moms!! Why not schedule a fancy date night at home? A friend of mine recently discovered a local rec centre where for a Toonie they watch your little one while u work out. (Or read a good book!) the YMCA also has child minding and income based memberships. If you dont have the family help, sometimes reaching out to your community can help. You aren’t alone! 🙂

  3. Dianne / Smilenwaven Reply

    It’s DEF tough… especially when feel like doing it on your own. Maybe connect with some Mommy groups… they were a GREAT support for my DIL! HUGS!

  4. Dear Anon Mom, what you’re feeling is normal. It’s a huge transition when you have a baby and it’s normal to miss elements of your independent life before having children. The others here are giving great advice – get some help. Don’t be afraid to ask! Also join a local mom group – getting out there and interacting with other women will make you feel less isolated.

  5. Just had a little girl 5 months ago. I love her to pieces. My husband also works a lot and much of the work falls on me. We recently moved close to his family and away from mine. Don’t worry. It’s totally normal to feel the way you’re feeling.

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