by an Anonymous Mom

Be warned, this is a little rant.  Thank goodness it’s anonymous because I wouldn’t want anyone in my family to know how I really feel.

I resent my husband sometimes.  Okay all the time.  I bite my tongue sometimes in order to keep a happy household but there are many times when I can be a complete, mean bitch.

While I work a full-time job, I also end up doing many of the household chores too. Because I get home earlier from my job than he does, I end up being the one to make dinner, clean up and do homework with my older kids and get my toddler ready for bed.

I often am the one to get the kids ready for bed too, bathing them, reading to them.  So realistically by the time I’m finished everything that I have to do in order to keep my house running normally, I am too damn exhausted to do anything else.

When he gets home from work, he eats a hot, home-cooked meal, takes a long hot shower, plays with the kids for a little while and then falls asleep.  Out like a fucking light.  Okay maybe he’ll make his own lunch but do you see where I’m getting at?

On the weekends, I’m too busy catching up with housework to relax and unwind.  In case you’re wondering “well why can’t he help on the weekends?” he does but he helps as much as I ask him to.  You see he’s good with taking instructions but I get tired of delegating.  Can’t he just figure it out all on his own? Do I have to show him what to do step by step?  It’d just be easier to do it myself.

He’s also busy taking care of the outside of the house too, I should be fair to say that. And when I do ask him to do something, he will do it. Whether or not he takes care of it right away or waits until later in the day, he doesn’t have an issue helping out when I ask.

I do become a little resentful that I am a working woman and yet I’m still do most of the work at home too.

I’m resentful that becoming a mother changed everything in my  life – my body, my career, my mom guilt – and yet did not change his lifestyle very much at all.

Maybe I’m being unreasonable but I can’t help but feel this way.  Nobody talks about this kind of stuff – I usually hear “oh my marriage is great” or “my husband is so helpful”.  Is it like this for everybody?

Why do some women get it so difficult while some men get off easily?  Is this a fair judgement? Maybe not.  Will I get over it?  I don’t know.  I know I have to in order to move on.  Right now I’m feeling overwhelmed by being a mother, a wife and a working woman.

Have you ever felt this way too?

 

Author

Maria Lianos-Carbone is Publisher/Editor of amotherworld. Follow her on Twitter @amotherworld and @lifeandtravelca.

122 Comments

  1. I’m in a more difficult situation… My husband is a retired police officer. He primarily has trust issues. I can’t work because every employer involves interaction with men. I want to finish my nursing degree, it’s been a year and still no answer. Yes I had to ask can I finish my RN degree. I’m a CNA and I carry a massage therapy license. I can go into business for myself but I have to only service women. I have to ask can I call my children and/or other family members. I do all housework. I have to wear earrings whe I go out. Every time I stand up I have to make sure I pull my shirt down in the back.
    When we stand in line I have to stand in front of him. He does not help or supports my opinions. If I am right in a conversation he says he’s always right

  2. Oh yes. I can totally relate. I’ve been feeling the same way for several years now.

    I have a demanding work at home job that often makes me work into the later hours. I also make more $$ than he does. My husband usually gets home around 3:30 – 4 pm. Do you think that he’ll help with dinner, shopping, meal planning? NOPE. He immediately goes upstairs on the computer. Does whatever he wants – video games, guitar, learns a language, works on his photography. Sometimes he’ll ask if I need help if he happens to walk by while I’m chopping some vegetables and he gets a dirty look while walking by. I swear he thinks I’m a stay at home wife. I clean house and take care of my own car, often will mow the lawn and take out the trash if he’s traveling for work and I do all the trimming outside. I make the arrangements for all the household repairs. He can’t even take a trip to the local dump without my setting it up and having to go with him (or on my own). He will pick up sometimes and vacuum once in awhile (three or four times a year). He does the laundry because he likes the way he does it better. That’s the only thing he will do consistently. About once a year (maybe twice) he’ll do a house project (hang trim or fix something).

    He is NOT good at doing things when asked. You can pretty much guarantee that if I ask him to do it, he probably won’t. He’ll do it if he thinks it’s his idea. He was so much more helpful before we got married. He was wonderful sometimes. At one point I considered him my hero. I really loved him. I waited 7 years to marry him and he lived with me in my home. He pays child support and had to give up his house to his ex. He wanted to get married and I was in no rush.

    I thought he was better than this and was going to be a better husband. I’ve talked with him and asked him to help and he says he will but never follows through. I even have to ask every month for his portion of the expenses. It’s the same amount every month on the same date. Every month, sometimes two or three times, I have to ask him for his share of the expenses and he’ll still ask me for the amount! I asked him nicely to set it up automatically and finally got mad at him. This gets frigin old.

    Three years into marriage and I think I may have made a mistake. I’ve tried the constant praise and thanking him when he actually does something. Trying the supportive wife approach. He wonders why I don’t want to rub his back and his feet!!! I’m fuming on the inside. Now he’s going through a midlife crisis and I had to deal with his working out all the time, new hairstyle (even was using my blow dryer!) and overall obsession about his appearance (oh and locked cell phone that I had to make him unlock and give me the password!!).

    I’ve never been an overweight person and have mostly been active (sometimes more than others) and try to keep up my hair and appearance (get my hair done regularly, am clean, wear makeup, etc). I’ve put on about 15 pounds from stress and long work hours. Now he’s starting to criticize me and give me exercise and diet advice!! SO FRIGIN RUDE. I never gave him a hard time when he put a little weight on and always told him that I thought he was attractive.

    He thinks he’s so frigin great and I’m cold and mean because I get upset because the household duties, etc. are so far off balance. Sigh… I am just so fed up right now. My Prince Charming is turning into an ass and I feel so let down. Feels hopeless. Mostly frustrated that I gave in and married him.

    • Hun, if the ONLY thing he wants to do is laundry, odds are it’s NOT because he does it better , but more so because he is hiding something. Especially with a locked phone. If I were you, I’d start checking the dirty laundry.

      Good Luck!

  3. I completely understand. I do not work a job but I’m a full-time college student and I care for 5 children. 2 of the children are his by a woman who has not been in the kids life since they were born so I have been their mother for the last 6 years. I do not have any friends, I do not leave the house unless it is to go grocery store or shop for the house. He works a full-time job and try’s to make money on the side but does not do a damn thing 98% of the time when it comes to the house. I have to drive hundreds of miles a day to take the kids to school or my two oldest to their fathers. I have no life outside of home and not because he’s insecure but because he would rather work on a bike, car, garden, etc. He would rather do ANYTHING else then lift a finger to help me. When I bitch or complain that I am stressed he just tells me I’m nagging for no reason. He could care less about how I feel or how stressed I am. It’s like he’s prefer it if I just shut my mouth, smiled 24/7 while doing everything for everyone else except myself. We have had some talks where it seems that he will change and help out and that he understands and then a week later it’s back to the same BS. I’m horribly depressed because I have no one to talk to or vent to, I can’t go and treat myself to anything cause we can never afford it unless he wants a bike then suddenly we magically have money. It’s exhausting and depressing, it ridden’s me with tremendous guilt, and I’m unhappy 90% of the time. It is literally effecting my mentality. I think sometimes I should just shut my mouth and deal with it but fear it will damage my mentality and cause serious clinical depression.

  4. I feel your pain. On the the flip side all of my children are adults and I’m currently unemployed, but I still go thru the same thing. When I was working and him aswell, he would come home doing the same thing. I would cook and clean and all he does is take a nap, get ready for work (next day), shower, eat, watch sports, play on his laptop and cell. Now that I don’t work right it’s still the same thing. I do all the home chores and cook. During the summer time he’s also dying to the grandchild, but when she gets her I’m left with doing everything and it makes me soo mad because when he gets home I’m looking to have a break and it does nothing. What makes me even more mad is although I love my grand, I’m not the one dying to have her here……it’s him. While she’s here, I’m bathing her, making meals, cleaning the house, doing her hair, washing her clothes, taking her everywhere I go of course because she’s only five, watching her while she’s outside playing. When he gets home, Im still doing the same thing. This leads into an argument.

  5. I help my elderly dad all I can. I also have my toddler grandchild living with me. My husband does nothing but eat, sleep, watch tv, and feed the dog. He does no yardwork. He does no housework. If he has to watch our grandchild for an hour or two, he complains about what a trouble she was. My house is a wreck right now because I cannot keep up. What a stupid life.

  6. Oh gosh finally somewhere to vent at, listen ladies I am almost 30 and have been married to a Muslim man for 3 years when we first got together we got along very well talked hung out went everywhere together, but for some reason he has done a 360 on me. Now hes cold he don’t talk to me but we both smoke and he actually smoke ? more than I do but he gets mad and tells me I got buy my own cigarettes for now on, then he’ll snap about something small and then want to fight all night just coming up with more small shit to go off about, we used to play all the time and now we never do I don’t no what’s going on I haven’t changed but it feels like he is. I dont no what to do we both go half on rent and bills but I biy food and household shit plus I clean and do the cooking so do I really have to go buy my own damn cigarettes what a ass I dont even no what he’s doing with his money cause we don’t talk ugh I’m so mad ? then he will continue to tell me that his family is more important than anything even me and I’m like well how would we ever have a family? Does that mean he would contribute to his other family (mom dad sister) then our future family . I think he’s trying to buy a car but he also needs to realize I am having a hard time at work and trying to get another job so my money is not great right now, I’m just so mad cause I feel like I have to spend all my money but he gets to sit and save his while I’m walking around with torn dirty gym shoes ?

  7. Second time around Reply

    In my first marriage my husband was alcoholic but when he was sober he did laundry, cooked meals, cleaned the kitchen, washed the kids, cut the grass, so much! I left him because of his drinking and I felt alone. Now I have a loving husband who loves spending time with me but doesn’t help out at all! Why can’t is ladies just win sometimes! I asked him to carve the roast yesterday and he refused. His excuse is always that 4 of the 6 kids are mine so I would have been cooking anyways. I can’t rely on him to help me. It’s so frustrating. He changed the breaks this weekend and figures that’s it now for a year in terms of help. I try to explain to him that meals come around every day, 365 days a year. Doing the breaks once every two years is not equal to the monotony of meal making for all these people. Sigh… Why couldn’t men just step up a bit more! I’m not even asking for equal division of household tasks. Just a sign of trying a bit to help out!

  8. My husband rarely does anything either. A few years ago our child was diagnosed with high-functioning autism and has also become physically, chronically ill. I have to cook everything we eat due to my child’s illness. He’s been so sick that he hasn’t been able to attend school regularly, so I have had to start homeschooling him. Additionally, his illness is rare and not well understood by the medical community, so I have had to spend many hours learning and researching on my own to be able to help him recover some. All of this is on top of everything else that needs to be done in a household. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve talked to him about how overwhelmed I am. He says he’ll help, then doesn’t unless I ask him. Even then, you can tell there’s a limit to how much I can ask for before the “convenient headache” pops up. His life has barely changed at all, while mine has come to a grinding halt. I love my son and would gladly do all this for him, but it angers me that my husband just stands by, watching me work my butt off. I have been so stressed that my adrenals & thyroid have started acting up, causing me to gain 30 lbs. I have a degree, but haven’t been able to use it. He has a good job, but he doesn’t consult with me about what promotions he takes, even if it involves travel. I’m just supposed to deal with it and everything else. I don’t even have a social life anymore. I’m always at home unless I’m going to the grocery store, speech therapy, or the doctor, etc. He doesn’t even take care of the house repairs. I have to deal with the repairman while he sits in the background playing video games. Let me tell you ladies, that’s an interesting experience. I’m talking tech with them, because i’ve had to learn what all these machines around our house do since my husband can’t be bothered to help out even in that area. You can tell the repairman is like, WTF? It makes me feel humiliated, because to me it shows these people (albeit they’re strangers), that my husband doesn’t care enough about me to take care of it. This house would be a pile of rubble by now if it weren’t for me.

  9. PregnantAndBurntOut Reply

    Well my husband is the same way however, i also have to do the outside work at home too. I work 40-50 hours a week, take care of the house (inside and out), take care of the two kids, I am 18 weeks pregnant, I take care of 2 dogs, and I feel so stressed out. I feel like i have another child already with him. Sometimes, maybe once or twice a year, he will get the urge to clean and get upset with me if it isn’t up to his standards. I just need to vent because i am so worried that i will be too exhausted to care for a newborn in a few months. I just need help but my family lives 5 hours away.

  10. I feel your pain. I work full time, am a full time student and have a two and a four year old boy to tend to. My husband started his own business after we got married. He didn’t help around the house prior to this, but now the help is almost non existent. I do all the cooking. All the cleaning. Most all the childcare. He helps if I have to be at work before the preschool opens or for baths if he’s home. My family is 20 hours away. His family is right down the road. We have a dog that he wanted (I did not) and I’m stuck taking care of it. I have two step children. One of whom is grown, the other is here every other weekend (I do his laundry and clean up after him too). I feel taken advantage of. I have resentment towards him. He’s a contractor so getting him to do anything for upgrades around our house is painful. He knows how but it’s his off hours. He sits on his iPad and plays some fantasy game most of his off time. I don’t get girls nights, rarely get date nights and it’s affecting me. I don’t know what to do. I feel mad all the time. I hate feeling this way. It affects my tolerance with my boys. It affects my schoolwork. It affects my well being. But he doesn’t want to hear about it. I’m at a loss. I used to love him with all my heart. I still love him. But I don’t feel loved by him.

  11. Michael Plemmons Reply

    I know how you feel, but it’s not just for men. I’m a guy and here’s my daily routine. I get up in the morning, make my lunch, get ready for school. My girlfriend gets our daughter ready for school and hops on the computer. I get out of school at 2pm, take our daughter home, girlfriend still on the computer, bedroom still looks like a tornado went through it, pile of dishes in the room and in the sink, toys still all over the floor in the living room. After dropping daughter off to her, go to work. Get home around 10:30 at night, nothing’s changed, house might be a little messier, I’m up washing dishes, until i can barely keep my eyes open, usually around midnight or 1am. Go to bed, get up at 6am, rinse and repeat. Weekends are similar, except I get a chance to get the rest of the dishes done and some laundry, house still stays a mess because I don’t have enough hours in a day to get it all done between work and school. She spends way too much time on the computer. The computer’s mine, however, when I jacked the plug, she threw the biggest fit like a 15 year old girl. I bring up the subject of helping me around the house and she throws a guilt trip like how she’s not feeling good and why am I not more considerate of her feelings. Yes, she gives our daughter a bath on school nights and she feeds her, but she does the bare necessities it takes. When our daughter’s home, she puts cartoons on for her, then goes back to watching hulu or netflix. Gets up when she goes into the bedroom and tells her she’s hungry. She occasionally cooks dinner for us, about 2 or 3 nights a week. Other nights, she calls me up and says I don’t feel like cooking tonight, could you pick up some fast food? I’ve tried everything to get her to help more, I don’t mind picking up something already made if she had a long stressful day of cleaning up the house, but she doesn’t do anything. I’ve tried going on strike and only cleaning up the messes I make. It doesn’t work, since she’s very messy and I’m rarely home to make any messes. It’s getting very stressful and I don’t know how much I can take. If I leave her, she would try to come after me for child support because she’s not working and would have no way to pay the bills. I feel like I’m taking care of a big child. What should I do?

    • bitter and beaten Reply

      I wonder if yall still together. That is stressful. I sympathize with you. Your comment caught my attention because its usually us women who complains about lazy men. But now I’m aware that it could be both sex. I have seen some women house look like tornadoes and now your comments. Communication also will help too. Good luck

  12. My husband and I have been married for two years. We have a 2 year old son and I’m 17 wks pregnant with our second child. My husband does nothing around the house, to help. I do all the cleaning, work full time and take care of our son. He is a good dad and I know he loves me but every time I express how much it stresses me out that he doesn’t help he thinks I’m just nagging. The one thing I ask him to do is take out the trash and does sometimes but most of the time I end up doing it because it really bothers me that it keeps piling up. When he cooks he leaves a big mess. He tells me he will clean it but the next thing I know it has been 2 days and the mess is still sitting there. I always end up being the one to clean it up. I’m just so fed up. It would be nice to have help because I am so exhausted by the end of the day that I don’t care to spend time with him but would rather sleep, plus it’s hard to act nice and happy when I’m feeling resentment towards him. I hate this. I don’t want to feel this way but something has to change. The sad thing is I am very straight forward with him about how I feel but it’s like talking to a brick wall.

    • Im going through the exact thing but what makes it worse he dont help but complains about the house being dirty and the fact that im always claiming to be too tired when its time for intimacy. Im like are you retarded?? Duh

  13. Wow we all have same problem. I don’t have any advice. I wish I knew what the answers were. I’ll say my Bf is a good guy, he works to take care of his family. I work full time as well. He doesn’t do much around the house bare minimum and what I ask. We have a 5 year old which is his biologically child, not mine and I still do more of the child care. It is very frustrating. Some days I want to just walk away.

  14. FedupinPhoenix Reply

    This is a bittersweet article to find because I find myself going through the same predicament, searching for advice, but sad to see this affecting so many women. Why do we deal with it?? I’ve been married for almost 4 years now, and the frustration is just piling on every day. We have a 2 year old son, we BOTH work full time jobs, we recently relocated to a metropolitan area away from any friends/family, AND I recently found out I’m expecting another… (after telling him we weren’t ready).
    The older Jonas gets, the less my husband seems willing to do. While he works longer hours that I do, I still work a full time job on top of getting our son up in the mornings and ready for day care (driving him to daycare), cooking/cleaning, laundry, yardwork, grocery store, paying bills – i’m literally responsible for EVERYTHING – all he has to do is go to work… and GOD FORBID if I forget something or don’t do something he asked me to do… Just yesterday I asked him to change our son’s diaper (b/c he won’t help me with potty training) and he straight up said NO. Then 10 minutes later asked me to rub his back. This led to a gigantic argument and we’re still not really speaking. I’m tired of it.

    He tells me that he works longer than I do, he works harder than I do. He says that I don’t do anything – basically he makes me feel like everything I do is for nothing. He appreciates nothing. And my son is seeing all of this. It has to stop but I don’t know what to do, and now I have nowhere to go.

    • I totally understand how you feel. I too work full tine, I am salary so often work more than 40 hours a week so I can get all the office work done, and I am responsible for my one year old’s care when I get home. I am supposed to try to fit in housework too, which rarely gets all done, and paying the bills. My husband says he works so much harder and longer hours because he does physical labor, do he does not like to pitch in and will go to bed at 8 or 9 pm and leave me to take care of the baby. His job is done when he gets home though, mine is 24/7 done i have to take care if our child and our house. He will cook a few times a week but leaves me with all of the dishes. He does some things if I nag him to death, like taking out the garbage, cleaning the cat litter or pulling the weeds in our condo. He waits until we get fined to do the weeds, it happens every year. It is soo frustrating. He never changes her diaper and doesn’t help with her baths and has never fed her food , just helped with her bottles. I have to bite my tongue with his family because his mom got really sick and I did not want to burden her with complaints about her son. So none of them know what a heel he really can be. When I was on maternity leave I begged him to take a night feeding because I was only getting 2 to 3 hours of sleep a day and he refused saying that this us what we agreed to when I got pregnant. I was a walking zombie and a complete bitch because of that. He would not even watch our baby so that I could take a shower! I had to wait for my mom to come to help 2 times a week and then I was able to shower and sleep for a bit. His mom could not help because she was so sick. He only took a feeding when I got back to work but that lasted a month, my baby girl dropped his feeding first. I’m frustrated because I feel like our house will never be totally cleaned or organized.

  15. ImTiredToo Reply

    Just came across this and am so glad to see others going through this. I have been married for 12 years. My husband and I had fertility issues and just last year, started the adoption process of what is now a 1 year old and 2 year old. 5 months ago, my husband lost his job and I have continued to work. Every time I ask him to do something, he gets mad. I write him a list of things to do during the week which he rarely completes the list- which isn’t anything difficult. We live together with my mom. While we were both working, she would watch the kids but now that my husband is home, she still watches them because my husband would rather sleep until 10am, play video games, be on the computer or whatever else he wants to do. I feel taken advantage of. I feel he takes advantage of my mom and I’m just so incredibly angry at him. In all this time he’s been unemployed, he’s never completed 1 application. I’m burnt out. We had a huge fight last night. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I already have 2 children and I feel like he’s my 3rd.

  16. MyHusbandIsLazy Reply

    Wow, so it seems I’m not the only one with a husband who won’t help with shit. We have been married for two years and our son just turned one last month. So now we really don’t have any time for each other. Most of my time is dedicated to working 9 to 5, then taking care of the baby as soon as I get home from work. Yeah he works 9-5 as well, but that’s no excuse that he shouldn’t do stuff and said just sitting on his ass in the couch watching TV. I get so pissed off. I don’t get to sit down until it least 10:30 that night and then I really only get about 45 minutes of relaxing time before I get to bed. Because I have to wake up at 6:30 every morning for work. Once I get up I do my warning routine, but then my baby wakes up in the middle of it and wants to be fed. Meanwhile, my husband is sleeping so cozily in the bed. The least he can do, is get up and change the baby’s diaper, but instead he tells me to shut the light in the room. Are you fucking kidding me? He wakes up at 7:30 and then does his morning routine. It is so damn annoying that his morning routine does not get upset, yet mine does all the damn time and it’s annoying as fuck! We only have one bathroom, and we live in his mother’s basement. It isn’t much room down here, and everywhere the tot turns, it is a hazard. Oh and I love every morning, when I feed my son oatmeal and a bottle, I have to ask my husband to remember to wash the oatmeal bath and a bottle. He claims to do it every morning, yet that is not true at all. That is the most he ever helps me with my son. He maybe washes a bottle in the morning and occasionally changes diapers. Otherwise, I do everything else. And he wants another kid? Yeah right!

    I wish I had a husband who would equally help me with everything I wouldn’t be such a slob. I am so sick of cleaning up everything and then he just leaves shit around the house. I know I have only been married to him two years, but I feel I should’ve live with him before I got married. This just really sucks and I wish so bad that I had my own place. I hate living in this damn basement, it is so depressing. My escape, is actually going to work. Is that bad that I’ve you going to work as a vacation? And when I really do get days off, it’s not a day off, it’s doing extra work and staying in the stupid basement. I’m off today because I had time to use off from work and I am hating it so much. I wish I could enjoy my son, but I can only really enjoy him when I go over to my family’s house, which is an hour away. At least then I get relief and don’t really have to do too much without assistance. I actually get time to myself and time to sit down and relax.

  17. Ladies, after reading all of those comments about how the so called “husbands” are basically not men…I think it’s best to just not complain anymore & change “Your” perspectives on things that bothers you. These men knows what they are doing. Oh! They definitely know how to get you.!! Start slowly…don’t cook as often, don’t clean as often, act like your busy, act more happier & positive. Make new friends or call up old friends to go out even if it’s for an hour or less. Those with younger kids, get a sitter & go out by your business. I know it’s hard sometimes, but the only way you will survive is to take yourself seriously. I can say to divorce that’s entirely up to you ladies but one thing for sure…no woman wants to feel neglected or used.
    We can all do it together!

    p.s. Let me know how it goes & if they react to the change!!👍🏼

    Yours truly,

    Your Superwoman!!😉💃🏽👑⭐️🍾

  18. bitter and beaten Reply

    Same shit I go through. Its been 13years. I stopped cooking and cleaning. You think he got the hint? Hell no. He helps when I go off on his lazy ass. Im out of option but to let this one go. It is sad situation. But I’m not going to be cleaning up after a grown man especially when I work more hours and been since the day we met. Its devastating for my son too and my step kids that I’m moving out but I can’t do it anymore. I have tried and tried and its not working. I need to let it go and focus on myself and my kids. I can’t wait to have my own place. I can’t wait to only pick up after myself since my kids are grown. I can’t wait to stop thinking about the other person every time I want to buy me something. I have been a good woman to my soon to be ex. Im looking forward to it. I’m pissed at myself for all the times that I wasted on something that didn’t grow. I’m more bitter and no have interested to ever be involve with another men ever. I rather buy me a dildo and use it whenever I want and put it back in the closet. Then going through the same shit with the next one!!!

  19. I am in a state of confusion and need some help. We have been married for almost 20 years and for the first 10 years I was the wifey who would make breakfast for hubby since he had a 5am departure for his job and make a sack lunch then would make dinner for both of us once he was home by 6pm if lucky. I had a full-time job with flexibility so once our 4 children under 6 were in and out of school I was the one to pick up, do dance class, do baseball, do homework, library visits, teacher meetings, etc. I loved being a wife and mom but now since we moved 10 years ago, he quit his job with my pushing because the children never saw their dad. I made enough to cover expenses and figured he wouldn’t stay unemployed, boy was I wrong. He didn’t find another job until a year ago and still hasn’t truly helped with chores in the house, children a little help but they were so used to me doing things he didn’t really do – he watched as life kinda went by. Now here we are and he wonders why I seem cold lately. I am getting to my wits end, our older kiddos are now in high school and one in kindergarten with 5 total. He adores the littlest but the others seem slighted since he never spent that time with them but now resentment to the youngest and I am in the middle. I don’t have energy to be frisky anymore, nor really want to be by evening. I still have the same flexible job but he now has a 7-5 job and makes VERY LITTLE to come home tired and still no help with dinner, trash, usual day to day things. Then get angry when the kiddos have down time in there rooms after dinner and I am in the kitchen alone doing clean up after dinner. I am thinking I might be going through a midlife crisis myself and just want to run away. How can I get them all to pitch in, I think they have lost respect for me since I have allowed their father to get away with doing nothing, they think they can too. Any advice, I think I have failed all my children and husband but can’t stretch anymore and have taught them nothing. I hope they would do as I do and I wouldn’t have to ask for help, it just gets old to ask everyday. Thank you for listening.

  20. haley drysdale Reply

    I can sort of relate only my husband did absolutely nothing at all. No yard work, nothing to help with the kids or the house work, or the house repairs, nothing. He just sits on his tablet, phone, t.v, or Xbox. I ended up having to quit my full time job because I was physically and emotionally drained. It’s been 3 years now since I quit to be home with my 4 kids and I’m still so drained I can barely do what I was doing while I worked.

    • I so thankyou for posting this because i have been feeling do drained i feel like i have a underlying illness or something. Him and i both work fulltime he always downplays that his job is harder than mine. The only thing I ask him to do on a regular is take out the trash and he always has an excuse like I can’t help the fact that your nose is more sensitive than mine I’m like really. We have a 3 year old daughter and I I’m expected to do everything including taking out the trash it’s sad because I feel like I have low self esteem because I have dealt with this too long not to mention I have been with him 8 years and not a proposal or anything

  21. I am in need of some help and advise. I will be 50 this year and still have many working years ahead of me while my husband retired early at age 56 around 8 years ago. I have an hour commute to work and work over 50 hours a week. Since my husband retired life is a big party. He starts drinking beer with his buddies around noon and at least 2 days a week I come home to a drunk or highly buzzed husband. He does not help me around the house at all. I am so fed up I stopped washing and ironing his cloths His cloths are everywhere in piles some clean some dirty. He leaves the kitchen in ruins. Two things he does do are cook and grocery shop. Other than that, nothing! I am at my wits end, I feel like I am being a complete bitch all the time and he is always asking “what is your problem”? “What’s wrong with you”? I feel like my life is spinning out of control. Any advice would be appreciated!

  22. My husband doesn’t do any housework!! I mean none. He doesn’t cook, clean, laundry vacuum. He doesn’t help with the kids!! He does no yard work. I work a full time job, take care of his business(he is self employed with 4 employees), the children and all household chores! He ain’t even good at sex!! Why do I keep him??? I guess because he does love me and the children and he brings home the money to support the house. He comes home everyday, doesn’t drink, smoke or use drugs!! That’s the only reason I can come up with!!

    • Mines will do only his laundry, he will shop for his clothing sits on phone and laptop all day. But we both work fulltime. Once i walk through the door he’s on the couch with his feet kicked up with the laptop and cell phone. He sees me coming in with groceries and says i couldve brought them in why didnt you call me?? We have a 3 yr old daughter in which i have to care for alone its almost like being a single parent. I find myself gettin sad saying all i asks is for him to pick up behind himself and take out the trash and he still says im nagging. I dont thinks its anything we can do im lost

    • Oh and he complains of not getting sex and it pisses me off because i tried to speak to him like and adult last time he complained and told him if he just start to pick up the small stuff i might have more energy.he said ok but still says stuff like i might as well go bk to watching porn again. Sorry for venting so long but i always just wanted to share apart of my issues

  23. When my children were little I thought they were the ones leaving cabinets open, not flushing, leaving lights on and leaving messes around the house.

    Now my children are adults and I have found my husband is the one that leaves the fridge open, makes a sandwich and leaves everything on the counter, doesn’t flush and leaves messes for me to clean.

    I have tried to talk to him about these things and he just doesn’t care. I spend my days off cleaning and doing laundry and whatever else needs done. He does what interests him and that does not involve housework. His time is his own.

    After 20 years I am seriously considering a divorce. I feel disrespected and would rather be alone than in a constant state of anger and frustation.

  24. It’s comforting to hear each story, in the simple fact we all have the same root problem, just a different package. Comforting that it’s not just me…because I do struggle with my situation mentally. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Well, here’s my story…my husband and I are in our late 40s, been married 4 years, together over 8 years. We both worked long hours until we moved for his career and I quit my job to have back fusion. I still have 9 herniations thru my spine and suffer daily with pain and Nerve damage. We don’t have kids (he has a grown daughter out of state from previous marriage) he works 12-15 hours a day/5-7 days a week. He makes a good living and showers me with gifts. I’ve begged this man to take me on a date for years, nothing. We have no social life at all, his off time he is in front of the tv. I’m lonely all day, miss my family & friends. I have to do all the financial business, shopping, handle lawn service, pets, household repairs, take out trash, laundry, ironing, make home cooked meals every night so he will have a hot meal (he NEVER says it’s good or compliments the food), I climb ladders to change light bulbs which I shouldn’t be doing that bc of my back. If I ask him, he won’t do it unless I get mad then he will, but huffs and puffs, throws things, cusses, then leaves the ladder out and tools everywhere. I’ve gotten to where I don’t even ask anymore. He won’t go to the beach, we won’t go to church with me, he acts like a child and pouts the whole time if I ask him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. He does NOTHING. Went in his toilet room yesterday and there were empty paper rolls (4) thrown all over the floor, too lazy to put in trash can. Like another girl said…I have to handle to repairmen bc he won’t even talk to them, even if he is off and home. He won’t get my car washed but traded in my almost paid off car in for a very expensive lease car. Lost all my equity ($8k for no ownership and much higher payment. Insurance even went up) . He even signed my name in the loan papers, when I clearly said I didn’t want to spend that much. He spends like crazy but I have to ask over and over for the paycheck to pay bills. I try to talk to him at night about things, he ignores me, doesn’t say a word. I ask, did you understand what I said? He says yes….no feedback, no I don’t care, no nothing. I’m sick that I feel stuck, no job, he even has looked at houses for 8 years we’ve been together…do we have a house at almost 50? Nope, we rent. When my pain is so bad, I can barely move I plead to him to please put your elbows in my back muscles. He barely does some light pinching thing with his fingers crap for two minutes. I cry and cry and cry. Can’t take this anymore. All he contributes is money and stress. I desperately want to get rehabilitated, get my career back, so if I leave I can support myself again. Just not sure I can after 5 years of not working. Like I said…same problem, different story. Any feedback would be appreciated.

  25. My situation is a little different. My husband works full time, while I stay at home. However, I am now homeschooling our two kids. He does help out a little with grocery shopping, cooking and gardening. However, he tends to avoid being home as much as possible. After he gets off work, instead of coming home, he will go shopping for guitars, to garden centers, etc. etc. This leaves me with the house, the kids, their schooling, cooking, etc. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me that he doesn’t want to spend any time with me. He works close by now and should be able to be home more. However, it seems like he is never here!

  26. I work 40 hours a week as soon as i wake up its what is he going to eat he doesnt drive and refuses to eat at home unless i cook a meal he doesnt help me around the house at all. but he does recieve social security for adhd. So he does pay the bills with that but i supply all the food etc and his cigarettes witch he refuses to smoke outside and has ruined my new couch by ashing all over it. I feel like all he doee is take and when i do have my days off its cleaning up after him i cant even watch a tv show or relax

  27. I can understand how you feel. My husband didn’t work for about 5 months and when I came home from work, the house was filthy and he’d be sleeping because he was playing video games all night. I’d have to come home, clean, grade papers (I teach), and do whatever else was necessary to keep the place from looking disgusting, all while paying for everything, of course. He finally found a job now, but he still won’t help with the housework. I’m also 4 months pregnant. He comes home from work, complains about things that I’ve done wrong or haven’t done, and just sits on the couch and watches TV. It drives me nuts. It really got to me this morning when he woke me up over and over at 6am to complain about last night’s dinner and his lunch that I prepared. He left his clothes all over the floor. I texted him this morning and told him how I felt: I can’t be expected to work full-time and do absolutely everything relating to the house while being pregnant, and that I was feeling overwhelmed. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I’m so tired of this situation.

  28. Thank you, I have recently been searching for information about this subject for a long time and yours is the greatest I’ve came upon till now. However, what concerning the conclusion? Are you certain about the source?

  29. all your poor women. We were built to live this life. If anything, have a man like us, we’d end up dating each other! it’s so tru though. All I can think of is do less, let it all pile up and go from there. You can’t let them see that that still bugs you building up but try it and see what happens! Much love and there’s no reason to be sad and miserable our whole lives, when it’s time to let go, let go.

    • *all you poor women
      * we weren’t built to live this life

      sorry I forgot to make edits!

Write A Comment