by an Anonymous Mom

I wanted to start a blog about being a mom.

Not a happy mom.

An annoyed frustrated bored mom.

A mom who is just tired of being a mom.

A mom who is just tired of all the boring day to day bits.

A mom who feels like she is drowning in other people’s lives.

Not that she had such great life before being a mom. It was too much work, too much booze, too much of everything.  I was not as happy as I wanted to think I was but I had a HELL of a lot of fun.

But it was just me and me alone. I am tired of trying to make everyone happy.

I am sure I am not the only one.

All moms talk about is how their kids are the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. How can that be? Why don’t I feel that?

I did. At least I think I did when she was born but now I count the days (years) until she is going to university.  Or wherever life takes her.

I love her. I truly do. She is a fantastic kid she is well behaved, polite, smart, funny, beautiful, loves to read and draw, and has an incredible imagination.

But I am not sure that I give her enough positive stuff and support. I feel like I am always nagging and always complaining and it wears me down.

I have horrible memories of my mom never being there for me. I have never felt she was ever. Even though we are close now I still don’t feel as though I can share anything with her.

I carry huge resentment about it. I try to make like it doesn’t matter but it clearly does. I don’t want her to grow up resenting me.

I don’t want to be this person anymore. I need to find the happy place again.

Author

Maria Lianos-Carbone is Publisher/Editor of amotherworld. Follow her on Twitter @amotherworld and @lifeandtravelca.

15 Comments

  1. Have you considered talking to a counsellor about it? It might really help. (Your family doctor may have suggestions and provide a referral. Some docs are trained in counselling as well.) Might be — possibly — that your feelings towards your own mom are impacting your feelings about yourself, your life and your daughter.
    Best of luck. You deserve to feel better. When you do, it’ll be better for everybody. : )

  2. It’s not easy being a mom. I sometimes feel like everyone else comes first and I’m at the bottom of the list. I’m sometimes jealous of my friends without kids who have more freedom then I do, though oddly, and maybe not surprisingly, they are jealous of me because I have kids and they don’t.

    Feeling that way sometimes happens, but if this is something deeper, something rooted in your past experiences with your own mom, then I agree with Pam about finding, or being referred to, a counsellor who can help you work through these emotions.

    Also, what took me a while to figure out but many people say it, find some “you” time. Time when you leave your child with a sitter, even for a couple of hours, and do something just for yourself. If you give yourself some you time, it can help to feel better since you aren’t forgetting about “you”.

    Good luck!

  3. Being a mom is so hard – I really feel for you. I have had moments where I want to scream and just BE ALONE.

    I agree with the other comments, you should seek counselling. Your family doctor is always one of your best bets, and if your doctor isn’t responsive, try a clinic or someone else. I’m not sure if you or your dh works, but if yes, try using the EAP – Employee Assistance Program – if possible. They can get you someone (for free) ASAP and this can be a huge first step.

    All the medical/doctor/counsellor stuff aside, I’m not a “day to day bit” type of person either. I made it/make it a point to go out daily, to DO things. I bring my kids everywhere and expose them to “non kid” things so I don’t feel like every day is a constant episode of Dora with a side of Raffi.

    Good luck and good thoughts to you.

  4. Being a mom is hard — there’s always a balance of hard and easy, good and bad. If it feels overwhelmingly hard or bad, it really will help to talk it out with someone — about the things you wrote here. My two kids are both in college and now I DO have time to myself…. and I miss those days. So I’m back to finding that balance where I am right now… and sometimes we all need some help to get there. Thinking of you as you go through this rough time. xo

  5. Whatever is the problem you sound like with some sort of support you can definitely pull through, that’s whats important … don’t give up.Find answer somewhere..Good luck

  6. From your message… this stood out as being the reason you are unhappy “But I am not sure that I give her enough positive stuff and support. I feel like I am always nagging and always complaining and it wears me down.”

    We all want to be the best mom and do better than our parents. I’ve spoken to hundreds of moms and most are worried they are not giving their child enough! Myself included.

    I really struggled with this for my daughter especially after my second child was born. The one thing that helped me was remembering that I do not have to be the perfect mom – good enough is quite OK.

    It sounds like you’ve done a great job so far! You have a well adjusted lovely little girl. Take that in! You are doing a great job! Give yourself a break once in a while.

    Give yourself a high five for being there and raising a a child who is well behaved, polite, smart, funny, beautiful, loves to read and draw, and has an incredible imagination. Now go plan a girls night out with your friends.

    Indulge in some self-care! It will do a world of good.

  7. I feel the same way, except for the booze part. I don’t drink and never have. I love my kids but one whines a lot, the other cries a lot. I can’t take the noise. I feel like I want it all to be over with now. Then I feel horrible for thinking bad thoughts. I feel sorry for them. They deserve better. I’m not that great. I don’t have patience. I hate myself for being a little bit like my own mother. I hate her with all my heart. Ha. I sometimes wish she was dead. Maybe that would make my life seem a little easier.

  8. I feel her pain. I was a single mom, for 5 years, did it all on my own and felt so impowered doing it. Then I met the man of my dreams, and I thought he felt the same way…almost 6 years later, and with addition of a 4 yr old and 2yrs old, I have completely lost myself and the woman I was.. He lies right next to, but hes not here, the affection and sex has almost completely dissapated, adn he blames it on the stress.. I cant remember the last time we made love. That time is more than just sex for me, its intimancy, a moment that when we looks in my eyes he’s only thinking of me, and I can be Kerri, not mommy. I have to be able to turn that off from time to time. I have never cheated and would never even entertain the notion, but the lack of emotinal presence from him, makes me think theres someone else out there. Everytime I need to start cooking dinner, or get the kids in the shower, he has some errand to take care of, never gone long, but its when I need my partner to help me with our children. I cry myself to sleep so many nights. THank you for having this hear for us to vent.

  9. hi there, you know, except for the booze part, I am in the same boat, I have a deep resentment with my own mother for never being there for me, and yet she can’t stop being there for my sister and brother. I often feel so alone, without support and I feel my anger growing, so I went and spoke with my doc and he gave me mild antidepresents and a referal to a counciler. I do everything in my power not to let my baby see my feelings in the negative and feel I may over compensate for my emotions by spoiling him. It’s hard when you truely are alone.

  10. I am having a rough day, especially with the kids, and googled “frustrated mom” this was the 3rd result that popped up, and i swear this is the exact way i feel, not all the time, but at least once a week and especially today. it was courageous to post this, even anonymously, and i thank you for that! glad to know that this isn’t just me.

    THANK YOU

  11. I feel your pain. I feel like there is not enough of me to go around. My kids and husband take without ever giving on ounce back. I feel empty. I try to express this to my husband, and it is like I am talking to a wall. I thought this was the 21st century, and people shared responsibilities. I guess I was too busy when the memo came out that said otherwise.

  12. I know how all you moms feel! You need to take a break do something that makes you feel good! Soothing! And sometimes tell dad he need to step up! When dad is off work go shopping if not available get grandparents to sit for you they love it! If you don’t have those search for a teen sitter! Have had a couple teen girls so great!!!! and they appreciate it I did not have to cook dinner! Really not cook this young gal cooked for my kids and me!!!! She even vacuumed and cleaned? Wow? Not asked to do so just did it! My love is cooking hahaha funny right I do it everyday for them and family:). Still love it make sure have freezer food incase sports/life gets to busy! Then I took up gardening:-). It’s great for you and your kids teaches them and have them help water and pick they love to learn and help just fill up a jug and they are off! My point make time for you and what you love/like involve your kids and sometimes don’t!!!! Hope you all do well and are happy!!!!

  13. Dianne / Smilenwaven Reply

    Would love an update from this Mom to see how life is going!

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