This was submitted by an anonymous mom – any advice is welcome.
I have two children, 5 and 2 years old. I have stayed at home since he was born. I had a rough delivery.
Afterwards, I had postpartum depression and was on medication. My husband had to take off extra days from work because I threatened to take our son back to the hospital because I didn’t want him but then I would cry uncontrollably and hug him and kiss my son.
It got a little better but then I would scream or yell at him. I would get so mad or enraged that I couldn’t stand him. I would tell him I hated him; how I didn’t want him anymore; how I couldn’t stand him! I would push him down or hit him harder or spank him harder than I should. Then afterward would cry and beg for his forgiveness.
I pray that God would just kill me because I couldn’t handle being a mom. I love my children but they just know what buttons to press. I just can’t seem to help it sometimes.
I’m still taking medication. Have been diagnosed with PTSD after having a rough childhood. My dad hit me three times in my life and I feel that I’ve turned into him.
I know have two children and sometimes I want more but then I think I can’t even handle the ones I have or want them!! I have even looked into having myself admitted to a mental institution!
I just have no clue what to do! I probably should never had had children but I do love them at times.