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I Don’t Like Being a Stay at Home Mom
written by an Anonymous Mom
I am a mother to a soon to be 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. I have been a stay at home mom for a year now and hate it.
I love my kids but sometimes I wonder if this is what I really wanted.
When I got married my husband wanted kids and I told him that I wanted kids too but in the back of my mind I wasn’t sure. I feel so alone now.
I have absolutely no friends. I am not close with my husband’s family and I’m not close enough to mine that I want to talk about this with them and I am an only child.
My husband has never helped me with the kids. Only when I worked is when he had to take care of them. I have asked him why he doesn’t help and he said that it was my job. I told him that they are his kids too but he made up the excuse that he works too much.
He recently became self-employed. He is now home more often and working from the house. I now feel like I have to take care of three children.
I will admit that our marriage isn’t the greatest and we have little sex… but mainly because I don’t want it. If I ask him to watch the kids while I run to the store he will make up an excuse why he can’t and often say I will get what you need while I’m out later.
I’ve even gotten up early in the morning before anyone else to go to the grocery store so he wouldn’t have to watch them. He knows that I’m tired of the kids and need to get away for a while but he doesn’t let it happen. If I want to go shopping for the day I have to take the kids to my parents.
We have no babysitters or friends that will watch our kids my parents will only watch them during the day. We have not gone out in 4 years to have our time together. My husband doesn’t like to take the kids anywhere because of the way they act in public. So we never go anywhere. But he thinks it’s okay to go play poker or shoot some pool at night when its bedtime for everyone else.
My kids are making me crazy. I get mad at them for no reason. I don’t want to play with them at times. I leave the TV on most the day so they will leave me alone.
I feel like I have no life. I feel like my husband is holding me hostage so he doesn’t have to take care of the kids.
I’m so unhappy with my life right now. There are so many things I could go on about but I will leave it at that.
AMW Editor: Please let a comment for this mom – it might just cheer her up or help her.
Are You Having Enough Sex? Sex Life Stats and Confessions
With Valentine’s Day coming up, love and romance is on the brain… and of course, sex!
Are you having enough sex? Are you satisfied with your sex life?
We did some digging to find out how others are doing in the sex department.
In 2010, Durex conducted a survey to which 44% responded that they “are fully satisfied with their sex lives.”
The study found that:
Pretty interesting sex statistics, excuse me – married sex life stats.
Kids, work, stress, lack of sleep… this sounds about right? I asked some of our own readers to respond anonymously to the question, “how is your sex life?”
Here are some of the responses:
“My husband and I have sex about once a week. To be honest, most of the time I don’t feel like it, I would rather sleep. Our daughter is 17 months old and really wears me out.”
“Sex life? What sex life? After having baby number two I have no desire what so ever. And to make matters worse the less sex my husband and I have the more we fight! We “get around to it” about once a month and that is just not good at all. Plus I’m a Passion Parties Consultant! I have everything I need to get my mojo back and spice things up but after feeding, cleaning, dealing with crying, not getting a shower, diaper changing, dealing with whining from my oldest sex is the LAST think I want! My husband jokes that he has to tie me down just to get me going! No joke. He should do that more often!”
“Honestly, with both girls, it dropped to nil, nada, don’t dare touch me, until the baby was about a year, then all of a sudden something kicked in and started having sex more in a week than in three months previous. What was also surprising is it got better-wayyyy better. Not all the time of course-we all have colds now and are pretty burnt, but when we do it, it just feels…easier to climax.”
“We do not have sex. Sadly. I can count the number of times we had it last year. She never takes the time. Makes me bitter, and in my mind justifies me looking elsewhere for intimacy.”
“It’s mediocre and it is all my fault. I am tired most of the time. Don’t feel sexy at all (even though my husband tells me I am all the time). At night I just want to crawl in bed and sleep. I had a two week holiday and things were much better. I blame work for making me so tired.”
Its seems to be that so many are not having enough sex because they are tired. Here are some articles to help get your sex life back in gear!
Bring the Passion Back: The Naughty Bucket List
I’m a Stay at Home Mom and I Feel Alone
by an Anonymous lonely stay-at-home mom
I feel very lonely.
I am home all day with my 17 month old daughter.
Most of my friends aren’t married and don’t have kids.
My friends that do have kids work.
I feel like I have no one to talk to about my daily life because they won’t understand. Most of my husband’s friends have kids so they can relate to one another.
My husband’s family treats me like a disease so I am not comfortable talking to any of them. I feel like telling them my feelings would give them something else to look down on me.
I feel like I have totally lost myself since my daughter was born. I love her with all my heart and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect her but I need more than this.
I need someone who understands to talk to. I don’t know what to do so that I don’t feel this way anymore.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
How is Your Sex Life Moms?
Let’s talk about sex!
How is your sex life?
Be honest – describe how it is these days? How often are you having sex (or not)?
Are you fulfilled? What do you think could make it better?
You can answer anonymously in 100 words or less here. Fill out the form to submit your “sex confession”. There is no way to track back to you so don’t worry. It might be used in an upcoming post, anonymously of course.
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Mom Confession: I Don’t Know Who I Am
by an Anonymous Mom
I don’t know who I am.
I’ve never been defined by a job/career, a last name (Like Rockefeller), or being famous in any way.
I can’t sing well enough to do anything with. My dance lessons went by the wayside as did my other extracurricular activities. I’m not athletic, interestingly intelligent or interesting much at all.
I was sexually abused by a few trusted people in my life, none of which knew about the others. I got over it, didn’t want to let that be what defined me. I was also emotionally and mentally abused quite a bit over the years, again… that’s not who I am.
I have many hobbies, none of which I excel or even got above “Intermediate” at.
I’m not much of a protester, although I have and probably will again, but not in the sense that that’s who or what I could become, someone who is very passionate about a cause.
I’m nothing except existing.
Except, I’m a really good mother and wife. I make my husband very, very happy and he is my best friend. It’s really true love, and we work at it to keep it that way.
Some people say I’m an amazing mother, but as far as I’m concerned that still remains to be seen. I won’t pass judgment on that part of my life until the child is at least 30, then we’ll know for sure.
I am so angry, all of the time. I’m angry at humanity for destroying our only home. I’m angry at my husband for not knowing where all the dishes go. I’m angry at my child for being a child. I’m angry at my best friend for being a bitch and not realizing.
I’m angry at society for making certain things ok. I’m angry at the law for protecting bad people and punishing good ones based on technicalities, or stupidity. I’m angry at technology for being so awesome when all I want to do is live a simple life, technology free. I’m angry at money for making humanity self-destructive.
I’m angry at my parents for never making me finish anything, ever. I’m angry at myself for letting some of these things, and more, stop me from being who I want to be by allowing my apathetic self to use these as excuses for being nothing and no one.
I am angry that this is not depression speaking, but my real, true self.
I’m a Tired and Frustrated Mom
by an Anonymous Mom
I wanted to start a blog about being a mom.
Not a happy mom.
An annoyed frustrated bored mom.
A mom who is just tired of being a mom.
A mom who is just tired of all the boring day to day bits.
A mom who feels like she is drowning in other people’s lives.
Not that she had such great life before being a mom. It was too much work, too much booze, too much of everything. I was not as happy as I wanted to think I was but I had a HELL of a lot of fun.
But it was just me and me alone. I am tired of trying to make everyone happy.
I am sure I am not the only one.
All moms talk about is how their kids are the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. How can that be? Why don’t I feel that?
I did. At least I think I did when she was born but now I count the days (years) until she is going to university. Or wherever life takes her.
I love her. I truly do. She is a fantastic kid she is well behaved, polite, smart, funny, beautiful, loves to read and draw, and has an incredible imagination.
But I am not sure that I give her enough positive stuff and support. I feel like I am always nagging and always complaining and it wears me down.
I have horrible memories of my mom never being there for me. I have never felt she was ever. Even though we are close now I still don’t feel as though I can share anything with her.
I carry huge resentment about it. I try to make like it doesn’t matter but it clearly does. I don’t want her to grow up resenting me.
I don’t want to be this person anymore. I need to find the happy place again.
My Husband Doesn’t Help Me Around the House
by an Anonymous Mom
Be warned, this is a little rant. Thank goodness it’s anonymous because I wouldn’t want anyone in my family to know how I really feel.
I resent my husband sometimes. Okay all the time. I bite my tongue sometimes in order to keep a happy household but there are many times when I can be a complete, mean bitch.
While I work a full-time job, I also end up doing many of the household chores too. Because I get home earlier from my job than he does, I end up being the one to make dinner, clean up and do homework with my older kids and get my toddler ready for bed.
I often am the one to get the kids ready for bed too, bathing them, reading to them. So realistically by the time I’m finished everything that I have to do in order to keep my house running normally, I am too damn exhausted to do anything else.
When he gets home from work, he eats a hot, home-cooked meal, takes a long hot shower, plays with the kids for a little while and then falls asleep. Out like a fucking light. Okay maybe he’ll make his own lunch but do you see where I’m getting at?
On the weekends, I’m too busy catching up with housework to relax and unwind. In case you’re wondering “well why can’t he help on the weekends?” he does but he helps as much as I ask him to. You see he’s good with taking instructions but I get tired of delegating. Can’t he just figure it out all on his own? Do I have to show him what to do step by step? It’d just be easier to do it myself.
He’s also busy taking care of the outside of the house too, I should be fair to say that. And when I do ask him to do something, he will do it. Whether or not he takes care of it right away or waits until later in the day, he doesn’t have an issue helping out when I ask.
I do become a little resentful that I am a working woman and yet I’m still do most of the work at home too.
I’m resentful that becoming a mother changed everything in my life – my body, my career, my mom guilt – and yet did not change his lifestyle very much at all.
Maybe I’m being unreasonable but I can’t help but feel this way. Nobody talks about this kind of stuff – I usually hear “oh my marriage is great” or “my husband is so helpful”. Is it like this for everybody?
Why do some women get it so difficult while some men get off easily? Is this a fair judgement? Maybe not. Will I get over it? I don’t know. I know I have to in order to move on. Right now I’m feeling overwhelmed by being a mother, a wife and a working woman.
Have you ever felt this way too?
When a Dream Job Doesn’t Turn Out To Be
by an Anonymous Mom
Over the last couple months, I have really begun to wonder if my job is really worth it. Am I being taken advantage of? Is this just a cruel joke being played on me?
I took this job for a few reasons. First of all it is something I am totally and completely passionate about.
Secondly, I get to use my degree. Now, seriously, not a lot of people get to say that. Not only that, I get paid to stay home with my kids. NOTE: If it sounds too good to be true, it likely is.
I began this job when I was very pregnant. I was so eager to do well, that I literally sat on a birth ball, in labour, answer emails. My baby was hours old, and I was researching and planning.
I was determined to make this venture work…and it was. This company is becoming an enormous success in my city, because of me. WOW…what a feeling.
While consistent back pats and praise are nice, when the pay doesn’t reflect the amount of work being done…those gestures seem useless. I am pretty much getting paid peanuts. While that is an expression, sometimes I think that if I got paid in peanuts, what I get paid in dollars, they would be worth more. Yes, it’s that bad.
What I agreed to, was based on many what ifs and red tape. Unfortunately, the red tape is so thick that I don’t think it will ever be able to be peeled away…at least not it time, for me to stop looking for another job.
I want it to work, but it’s not looking like it will. I am exhausted with thinking about the pros and cons and working my butt off to make something succeed, without me being able to personally succeed and financially thrive.
I am worth more, so I am told. I just need to actually start believing it, and do something, soon.
Sex and the Modern Marriage: Can It Last?
by an Anonymous Mom
We hear all to often about how sex is one of the most important things in a marriage. But why it is still the major source of issues in most?
As I write this, I am in the middle of one of the worst points in my marriage. We are on the edge of separation; the edge of ripping our family apart and the biggest issue is sex. The lack of it and how unhappy my husband is…
You see we are like most couples in there 30s with young kids, he has a very successful career and I have a very successful business. We are busy, he is going here and I am going there. At the end of the day, okay really at the end of the week we realize we are like ships crossing in the sea. Between the kids, his commitments with work, traveling and his own personal activities he isn’t around most nights. The odd time I get out just adds to it, we are never together. Well unless you count the four hours we might actually be sleeping in the same bed or the weekend days when we are busy with household chores, family time activities with the kids.
So what is left as time for sex?
Is this what the modern marriage is like? Are we all too busy with all of life’s crap?
We argue about it all the time. He isn’t satisfied and wants it all the time. I get frustrated because he makes it out like it is my fault, sorry but I think you need to be around to get it.
Am I unreasonable to think that doing it in the middle of the night is a bit much? I am tired, I deal with the kids all day, I put them to bed although they don’t go and I am usually falling asleep before them at almost midnight. I am up every morning with them, I am tired, so much so that a Saturday night for me consists of falling asleep on the couch by 9pm!
Am I unreasonable to think that I would like my husband to actually want to hang out with me and maybe that might just make me want to get intimate with him?
Is there ever a common ground when it comes to sex?
Do some men just have an unrealistic view on what a married couples sex life is like? Does everyone have lots and lots of it and I am just a horrible wife?
I think for a man it is easy to get your wife in the mood. Cook dinner and do the dishes, tell her to put her feet up, let her sleep in, take the kids out and let her have a couple hours to herself or in my case maybe go to bed at the same time I do or actually want to hang out with me.
So here I sit, at a point in my life that the decisions that could be made are HUGE… there is a lot more besides just the sex issue.
As a woman and wife, do you just give them exactly what they want to keep them happy even if it means that you won’t be happy?
If I Ever Get Pregnant Again
by an Anonymous Mom
I wake up feeling fragile.
I’m thirsty and as I sit up, the gentle, achy reprieve of having drunk too much the night before grabs at my muscles.
The drinking wasn’t intentional. A co-worker’s birthday set the stage and I just took advantage of the flow of alcohol and the company tab.
That’s when I remembered that I wasn’t pregnant. I was drinking because I couldn’t deal with it and because I couldn’t talk to anyone about it.
I had peed on a stick three days earlier with my pulse racing and my heart set to tremor in my chest. It was negative. I sat there for a moment, staring at this strange plastic test in my hand, not sure if I should throw it out, flush the toilet, or cry first. I looked at the test again and shook it like an old Polaroid picture.
Then, chiding myself for thinking it would change anything, I tossed it out, put my loveliest smile on my face, and told my husband jauntily “not this time honey!” Then I rushed off to make breakfast for our two-year-old.
We’re trying for our second – or we were earlier this year – but the miscarriage changed all of that. Since then, I haven’t quite been myself. I’m scared to get pregnant again, but it is the thing I want most, too.
I read into every symptom possible and think I may have conceived but at the same time I force myself to keep some of my routine ‘we’re not trying’ habits (like drinking coffee, or the rare glass of wine with dinner) until I see that positive result again. And I’ve vowed that even after I see that second line, I’m not going to say anything to anyone – not even my husband – until I feel safe that this baby is staying.
I’m not saying that I’m only going to tell my husband at three months, but I will need a few more weeks to believe that everything is ok. I simply can’t bear to put my better half through a needless rollercoaster that’s just going to end in heartache.
I’m not going to tell anyone else – including my parents- until five months. It’s just the only way I’ll feel safe about it.
That is if I ever get pregnant again.
I was so angry at myself the other day that I just wanted to forget everything. Forget the miscarriage, forget the stress and yearning of trying to get pregnant, of staying pregnant, of being such a disappointment to.. well, to myself.
I thought, “Why am I still not eating sushi or blue cheese? I don’t have anything in there. Why the hell shouldn’t I go and get drunk?”
I was rebelling against my sadness. It felt good to tell those morose, despairing feelings where to go. But then with every sip I realized I was actively sabotaging myself. The smell of the bar made me feel raw and hopeless. I said my goodbyes to the party while everything was still in full swing, and went home to my amazing family.
There is such a fine line between ‘freedom to’ and ‘freedom from’. I really don’t think that anyone can understand that better than a woman who is trying to conceive.
One minute you are striving to be a vessel of purity and exemplary health. The next minute disappointment sends you to such depths. It’s hard to just let it go. It’s hard to find a balance. And when it is a particularly dark day, it’s hard to keep sacrificing for something that you don’t think will actually happen.
Tomorrow is a new dawn although I’ve seen it before. I know how it plays out. I just wonder for how long I’ll have to keep it up.
I’ll vow to do better. I’ll promise to be a better mom, a better wife, and a better example of pre-pregnancy planning. I’ll get back on my strict, organic, vessel-of-purity/baby-making diet and take a deep breath. I’ll do my yoga again, maybe go for a run. I will try not to cry.
And I’ll renew my faith in ‘Maybe’.
