by Danielle Christopher
Last week the media was on fire that Miley Cyrus got engaged at 19 years old to a 22 year old actor.
The negativity that spewed through online and television was awful. This is a girl who grew up without a ‘normal’ childhood, but one on stage and in television. I do not understand the hype of why it is a big deal she is engaged young.
I still smile when I think of the hoopla our families put up when we announced we were getting married when I turned 19 to my 22 year old fiancée. We heard all the reasons why we would fail-too young, not set in a career, take your time- were just the few frequent arguments.
Steadily, our older friends who got married around the same time began to divorce. We remain intact.
November of this year we celebrate our 20th anniversary. We have gone through a lot of ups and downs. There are many reasons why we still work as a couple.
1. Friendship.
We have been friends first and foremost. When we were at odds romantically the bond of friendship stayed strong.
2. Communication.
Drop everything when the other needs to talk. We have locked ourselves in the bathroom to talk if the kids were interrupting. Each other need to be heard. It can prevent bottling up and exploding at a bad time.
3. Respect.
Even when kids come around, your spouse needs to feel like they count. Both of us need to feel like a priority, kid permitting. Parenthood does change the relationship dynamic, but doesn’t have to sever it.
I do wish Miley and her fiancée well. Marriage can be both challenging and great at the same time. Living in a fishbowl like her makes it even harder. I got lucky finding my spouse so young, and we age well together.
Where is it proven that the younger you are when you get married the better chances are to divorce? I personally know couples who married in their 30’s and divorced soon after. It is all in the maturity and unconditional love one has for their beloved.
Age is just a number on your driver’s license. It does not control your heart.
Danielle Christopher is a stay-at-home mom of two daughters and a freelance writer. Her teen story is in the collection “Parent/Teen Stories: Without Judgement”. She lives with her husband of seventeen years and her girls in Langley, B.C.. Follow her on Twitter.
2 Comments
I too got married very young. Two weeks after i graduated college and my husband was only 23 at the time. We just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. It is not the age that you marry but the maturity of the people involved. It is an individual issue. As far as Miley Cyrus…when you live in the public eye you shoudl expect the world to comment on your life choices. I hope this works out well for her and she ends up happy.
We met when we were teens and got married as soon as we were 18 we are 31 now and still together with 3 kids and happy as ever. It takes work but if you’re commited to making things work I think it will. No one supported us and they still don’t (our families kind of suck) but we didn’t get married for them we don’t live life for them its our life, we made it and we love it. Just because you are young doesn’t mean you don’t know. I knew at 15 when I saw him that he was the one and there has never been any doubt.